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07/16/2008 04:16 AM

No subject, just feeling like crap

jritchie
jritchie  
Posts: 9229
VIP Member

Well, I'm in a foul mood and I don't know why. I was so tired last night, I kept falling asleep, so I finally went to bed at 8:30. No one was calling me anyway, so what the heck. And this morning I did not want to wake up. I just wanted to lay in bed. I have a headache, probably from the humidity. I dreamt all night, mostly about climbing things, about having to get to places, nothing restful. All some kind of quest, having to do things. I wish I knew whether my son (he's been awol for 2 weeks) was going to be gone next week, I'd take some vacation. I don't want to take vacation and stay home if he's going to be there, I want to be alone.

Why do I get like this? I don't want to be at work, I don't want to be anywhere. I hate it.

Pinch

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07/16/2008 04:24 AM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
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I'm an Advocate

Hi Jritchie...sounds like depression, the down side of bipolar. If this lasts for more than several days you might want to check with the doc.

If you feel like company, you know we are here for you.


07/16/2008 05:44 AM
momof2rugrats
momof2rugrats  
Posts: 1176
Senior Member

Yep, sounds like depression. I get that way when I'm depressed. It totally sucks, but remember it will pass. And like Norma said if it doesnt, definitely contact your Dr. When we are in the moment, it feels like it will last a lifetime. But it does end!I'm trying to work on my same advice Smile Try not to be to hard on yourself.

Hope this feeling passes for you quickly!

Hugs,

Amber

Post edited by: momof2rugrats, at: 07/16/2008 05:44


07/16/2008 05:49 AM
jritchie
jritchie  
Posts: 9229
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Thanks Norma. It's actually been going on for several weeks. I've been off meds since April. I've been self-medicating with booze, and the depression goes away cuz I'll manic for a little while with the lack of sleep and alcohol, but when I sober up, boom, back comes the depression, a little worse everytime. I think I've finally made the decision that I need meds, I'm just scared to call my Pdoc and I can't understand why. I don't know if it's just fear of the medications (probably) or fear that he'll be disappointed in me (stems from childhood I'm sure) or what. I know I should stay away from the booze, but it's the only relationship that I can count on, if that makes sense. At least that bottle's there when I need it. Guess I just have to force my hands to pick up that phone,hey?Sad

07/16/2008 05:54 AM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
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I'm an Advocate

Hey, I did the same thing with alcohol!! I know where you are coming from with that one. I kept forgetting (conveniently, I was in denial) that alcohol is a depressant. The alcohol was my friend, too. A fickle one that would get me to sleep, but then kick me in the ass at the same time.

Pick up the phone, sugar. Make the call. And start seriously thinking about getting sober.... It was the best thing I ever did for myself 1 yr and 9 mos ago... I haven't missed my "friend" JACK DANIELS. We nod to each other at times, but, I just keep going.


07/16/2008 06:47 AM
rkc1964
rkc1964Posts: 252
Member

jritchie, please call your doc before something bad happens or things get worse. You know what the problem is and how to fix it. You will be in my prayers.

07/16/2008 07:57 AM
rediscoveringme
rediscoveringme  
Posts: 663
Senior Member

Hell of a thing that alcohol. It can make the world seem better then worse in an instant. I am sorry that you are down and out. Try to cut back though okay? The lack of sleep along with the alcohol will trigger you right now. BY drinking it your harming more then helping. I know its hard but do it for yourself. please. In the mean time call crisis or the doctor. Don't be afraid or ashamed. You should be proud of yourself that you want help and that you'll act on that want for help in a healthy way. MOst especially when you've been self medicating. That is a big step and I am proud of you for wanting to do it and will be more proud if you act on that. I will pray for you and hope you do the right thing.

07/16/2008 08:32 AM
golferel
golferel  
Posts: 885
Senior Member

jritchie hang in there and do what needs to be done. The fact that you are aware of it says you are ready- maybe just fearful of the outcome. Like the others said, it is scary but in the long run it is the right call. Please don't wait. My sister has been an alcoholic for years and just can't get sober. Her decisions and denial, unfortunately, have wrecked her life. Although she has a wonderful husband and two beautiful children she simply can't handle everyday life or enjoy them. I am not saying this to scare you or say you are on this path. I have just seen the negative possiblities that are out there. Be a success story. Good Luck.

07/16/2008 08:44 AM
jritchie
jritchie  
Posts: 9229
VIP Member

Thanks everyone. I am going home for lunch, and I have my Pdoc's card there. I will call for an appointment and set things in motion. Begin the rollercoaster of meds again, I guess. I do remember feeling better then this, tho, so maybe with the right cocktail...(uh, med-wise, not tequila this time) we can figure it out? The booze ain't working, and at least when I'm on meds I'm too scared to get real drunk. haha. Maybe I'll stop the bad behavior, too. poor choices, etc. Seem to be doing that a lot lately. Perhaps I haven't been keeping it together as well as I thought being med-free?

I really appreciate the posts and support. You guys understand, which is more than I can say about my family. "Snap out of it" just isn't supportive, you know?


07/16/2008 09:18 AM
zinnia
zinniaPosts: 3990
VIP Member

hang in there, baby. feeling a little down myself and i have the meds...lol. we're never symptom free, but i can tell you for sure that since i got on the meds, i can actually handle my symptoms. no one can just "snap out of it". it's an illness and we only have control over how we deal with it, not whether or not we have it. tell your family that they need to learn a little about bp and be supportive or be quiet.

i'll be thinking of you, wishing you the best at the pdoc and wishing you peace.

zinnia

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