Bipolar Support Group

ok, all. tell me what you think of this idea. you all know i'm a divorce attorney in michigan because whenever i see anyone asking a question about divorce, abuse, custody, etc., i usually can't keep my mouth shut. i certainly can't give legal advice on this site. i'd get in big trouble. i can, however, share the wisdom gained from practicing family law for 15 years and being a divorced mother of two myself. it just seems to me that there are sooooooooo many posts asking for practical advice about divorce, abuse, custody, etc. as i said, i can't give legal advice, but i can share from my experiences and, at times, point someone in the right direction to get the advice or assistance that they need.

anyone think this is a good idea? if so, start talking and i'll listen and give whatever i can whenever i'm able to be online...

It's a good idea. I've also noticed that many people need some suggestions about how to proceed. I'm coming up on my 24th anniversary - got married when I was just 21 - so, I hope I won't need it personnally, but there is a definite need. I'll refer people from bp family here, as well, when they need help if you don't mind. Thanks, Zinnia, for a thoughtful idea.

Hugs,

Tee

I think it is a great idea and one that is sorely needed. Not that you have to give your services away. But, pointing people in the right direction to where they can get help is a place that there is great need. THANK YOU ZINNIA!!!!!

Zinnia, my best friend is a laywer.......don't you think you'll get sick of it? LOL!! It annoys her to no end. Everywhere she goes, someone sees her and starts "talking" to her about whatever legal mess they are in. Her family does the same thing. It makes her crazy. I think you will get a lot of PM's.

But there are a lot of people on here that are in big messes. They don't all listen either, that would be the second most frustrating part for me....LOL

bejeweled-it's so true. what happens to your friend happens to me all the time, too. i'm figuring we'll all have something to contribute and unlike my job, everyone will have to understand that i can't do it 24/7...lol...my pdoc would probably tell me this is another symptom of my "boundary setting issues"...lol. it just irks me to no end when i read these posts and people are getting such bad advice from friends, co-workers, etc. like i said: i can't give advice, but i can share experience and often point people in the right direction. if it gets overwhelming, i'll have to change my identity and go into seclusion...rofl

btw-i'm really glad you are still here. i appreciate the intelligence, compassion and honesty of your posts.

LOL!! I was a paralegal (I got my associates degree in it in fact) for about two weeks before deciding to further my education and get my bachelors degree. LMAO. OMYGOD! I couldn't stand it. And EVERYONE is a legal expert, even if they work at Mcdonalds - having conversations with those people make my friend the craziest. LOL For her it never ends. She was in the Navy reserves for years and they kept trying to pressure her to become and attorney for them. She said NO WAY. It was the only break she got from law.

Zinnia,

I think that's a great idea. Just like you said, if only to point someone in the right direction to get the help or advise they need would be more than most of us could do. You just keep offering whatever you can, and we'll keep doing the same, and maybe we'll make someone's life a little better.

So, how do you like this weekend we're having here in Michigan. I live in SE Michigan, and yesterday was BEAUTIFUL, and today has started out the same!

Till later,

Paul

northern michigan has been shockingly beautiful for two days as well! it has rained for most of june up here, so it's such a great thing to have, especially on a weekend. the sun is great for my mood. thanks for the comment. i agree. if we can learn something here or help one another, then this site is more than just words and truly has some meaning. bejeweled-it is so true. i can't tell you how many times a person has walked into my office and said "i would have filed for divorce years ago, but my sisters best friends cousins hairdresser told me if i did _________________________(fill in blank with some horrible calamity which was supposed to occur which was totally legally off base)...lmao...gotta see a lawyer for legal advice, and even some of those are dumber than a box of rocks. i can sympathize with your friend. i stayed home with my kids for a few years and it almost killed me to go back. i threaten to quit practicing all the time and i swear to god i would if i had any other marketable skill. my parent's friend's have their kids call me to talk about law school. i tell them "don't go!". probably not what they had in mind, but i'm not alive to blow sunshine up anyone's ass

LOL! Zinnia too funny. My friend just left being a (family court) public defender to go back into private practice. She hated working for the county.

domestic violence-let's talk about this first. here's what wikipedia has to say about domestic violence:

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE- (also known as domestic abuse or spousal abuse) occurs when a family member, partner or ex-partner attempts to physically or psychologically dominate another. Domestic violence often refers to violence between spouses, or spousal abuse but can also include cohabitants and non-married intimate partners. Domestic violence occurs in all cultures; people of all races, ethnicities, religions, sexes and classes can be perpetrators of domestic violence. Domestic violence is perpetrated by both men and women.

Domestic violence has many forms, including physical violence, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, intimidation, economic deprivation or threats of violence. Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse are not criminal behaviors, they are forms of abuse and can lead to criminal violence. There are a number of dimensions including mode - physical, psychological, sexual and/or social; frequency - on/off, occasional, chronic; and severity – in terms of both psychological or physical harm and the need for treatment – transitory or permanent injury – mild, moderate, severe up to homicide.

Recent attention to domestic violence began in the women's movement in the 1970s, as concern about wives being beaten by their husbands gained attention. Awareness and documentation of domestic violence differs from country to country. Estimates are that only about a third of cases of domestic violence are actually reported in the United States and the United Kingdom. In other places with less attention and less support, reported cases would be still lower. According to the Centers for Disease Control, domestic violence is a serious, preventable public health problem affecting more than 32 million Americans, or more than 10% of the U.S. population.

This is not an exhaustive definition, but it's a good start. you don't need to be bleeding to be suffering from domestic violence/abuse. the key is domination. for this post, i'm going to start with some information about emotional/verbal abuse, which is often but not always, accompanied by or precedes physical violence. some examples:

*a partner who isolates you from family and friends

*a partner who critisizes everything that you do

*a partner who attacks your self esteem="you are worthless" "i don't know how i stand being around you" "no one else will ever want you" "you're good for nothing" "you're so ugly" "you're so fat" "you're so lazy"

*a partner who calls you names

*a partner who demeans you in front of others

*a partner who won't let you leave the house alone or if he/she does, they call constantly to check up on you and then accuse you of all sorts of outlandish behavior when you return home

*a partner who shows up inappropriately at your place of business, school, etc., to check up on you

*a partner who insists on having complete control over the finances

you know you're being abused in this way if, when you pull into the driveway, your stomach clenches and you are scared. do you wake up in the morning and wonder what your partners mood will be, because you know that his/her mood will dictate all of your thoughts and actions for that day. do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells to keep from "setting your partner off"?

i'm starting out talking about this kind of abuse because it is less obvious to people than physical abuse, for one thing. for another, i believe that this is a form of abuse that those of us who suffer with bipolar disease are particularly vulnerable to. self loathing is a major component of our disease, at least the depressive side, for many, many of us. this is a health issue. emotional and verbal abuse can push someone already struggling to hold on right over the edge. like we take our meds and see our therapists, refusing to stay with an abusive partner is something we must do to maintain our mental health.

no matter what your partner has told you. no matter how badly you feel about yourself. no matter how hopeless the situation seems. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE EMOTIONALLY OR VERBALLY ABUSED. this is a long post so i'll try to give some tips about extricating yourself from this situation if this is where you find yourself in my next post.

for now, if you're being abused in any way, or if you know someone who is being abused, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

if you have questions about emotional/verbal abuse, whether you're a bp sufferer or a family member of one, ask away.

peace to all.