QUITTING SMOKING

Trouble is I like smoking...and did not start til late in life...48 yrs old...ten years later, which is the time I set for myself, now it is time to quit. I enjoy cigarettes, i really do. I am going to see if I will make it through the day...without buying a pack or bumming a cigarette. Or digging in an ash tray that I forgot to empty for a butt that has a few drags left on it.

I quit before when I was 24 yrs old and did not smoke a cigarette for 20 years. I know the first 24 hrs are critical...so here goes...

Hey, Norma. I quit smoking on 1/1/68.

In '78, I was working the night shift at Seven/Eleven with a guy named George. With two guys on, even in an inner city neighborhood, it sometimes got boring; and of course every night at that time, I came to work pretty much drunk or at least hung over--either feelin' no pain or feelin' REALLY bad.

In that setting and with that frame of mind (which I suspect I shared with ole George!), I watched George light up one after the other one.

Now, ever since I quit in '68, I have never been able to shake off my keen, mouth-watering awareness of the smell of cigarette smoke; and during the ten years of non-smoking I DID occasionally get plastered and crave a smoke. On those occasions, I bought a pack and smoked three or four, or five, and threw the rest of the pack away (fifty cents a pack ).

Well, seeing George light up every night, I finally started bumming a smoke off him here and there. ...and "here and there" slowly got me here--smokin' a pack a day or less, but smoking nonetheless, and convincing myself that I "enjoy" it!

I don't smoke in my house or in other people's houses. I don't smoke around vigorous non-smokers. I can go for hours without, in a non-smoking environment, and I can't stand the lingering latent smell of cig smoke on myself, on my clothes, on my breath, etc. ...BUT..., I don't quit. ...don't seem to WANT to quit.

I keep setting myself a goal to quit--before I buy the next carton; before my next doc's appointment, before I die. Yet, as soon as I have smoked my last cig, the anxious, gnawing realization that I have no more smokes, that I have to face the gruelling minute-by-minute battle to get through one more minute, that sitting on the patio at night I am truly alone without a smoke to keep me company....

I must have wasted a thousand gallons of gas to rush at 5 minutes before 11PM to the gas station down the road to buy another carton of smokes. FORGET a pack just to get me through! I know myself TOO WELL.

And so, for two hundred more weeds, I am safe from the angst of "quitting."

Yet, I know, as other parts of my life fall into place, I will WANT to stop--for me!

So your declaration has grabbed my heart and my hope--and secretly perhaps the hearts and hopes of others who need to stop but can't.

I know you (especially you) can do it, and I hope you will lead us all to salvation with your valiant success!

Oh, and if you have a pack or two you want to get rid of, you can send them to me. ...Non menthol, okay?

Thanks for your post, Norma, and God speed you to quit!

With love and friendship, Y'all,

Jim

Post edited by: JR1, at: 06/03/2008 07:30

One of the scary things about quitting, to me at least, is trying to do it alone. ...and finding and participating in a group effort (maybe once a week) seems equally scary. ...and it's odd, but one of my friends in recovery actually hosts a smoker's anonymous meeting on Thursdays.

I am in such DENIAL.

So how DO you plan to do it? I don't think you do anything without a good plan. Right?

Post edited by: JR1, at: 06/03/2008 07:41

Um, ya...so that was about 10 years ago now and I have smoked at least a pack a day s. I tried Chantix and it gave me headaches. I tried wellabutrin but that just made me not want to gamble as much. Odd.

When I quit for that five year period I had pnuemonia and bronchitis. That certianly helped but I just threw them out and said that's it.

When I fly from NY to LA or to Las Vegas I use a patch so I don't go crazy and wind up getting shot by a US Marshall. It works. I know if I wanted to I could use the patch and that would work.

When I was 18 I tried to use the gum, I overdosed and ended up in the hospital. I chewed it and swallowed it. I chewed and swallowed the equivillent of 16 cartons. LOL! I actually had to meet with the on call social worker because they thought I was trying to kill myself! The ER doc says who does this??

There has to be an easier way to go. LOL! My heart was racing, they couldn't pump my stomach because the gum was in a huge ball in my stomach. I was sweating and in and out of consiousness. It was such a bizzare happening.

My regular doctor was called in, and he actually said that I was the only person he had ever met that was better off smoking. LOL! LOL!