Is it possible to ever truly KNOW another person?

There have been times in my life when I have felt like I really, really knew someone. Only to have something happen, and then I realize I didn't really know them afterall.

People lie. People manipulate. And when I think about it, we all have the tendancy to take people at face value. I watch what people do instead of what they say, but even that doesn't always work. If people want to not be found out - they can hide it.

Just wondering what others think about this.....

I make it a point to not lie...even about small things, and I encourage that in people around me. I just cannot stand a lie. And I don't lie because I can't remember everything I say, therefore, by not lying I can know that in the future whatever it was I said will be true. It won't change. If I catch someone in a lie, I am hesitant to trust their word again. Those with whom I deal with in everyday life realize that I am like this, and are real careful what they say. If they are going to lie, withhold truth, or otherwise try to mess with my head, they know it is going to get ugly. LOL

Hey, bejewled...I have found that people can present a good picture of themselves, for a short period of time...3-9 mos. This has happened in relationships and also with employees. After that the "real" person comes out. We all like to put our best foot forward, and it is only after a period of time does the true person emerge. Sometimes, nice, sometimes, not.

That's why therapists that do child custody evalution cases drag their feet on the evaluation for about 6 months +/- when a child has said something negative about one of the parents, but the parent "looks" so nice. Wait long enough and it will come out...well said Ms. Norma.

I think fully knowing someone else starts with fully knowing ourselves (at least as much as possible) that way our baggage doesn't blind us.

Also, to fully know someone else I think real intimacy (not sex or the counterfeit type) has to be present. And the road to true intimacy is through vulnerability and to be totally vulnerable you need tons of trust...the more the trust, the more the vulnerability the more the intimacy. I have a very select group of friends (mostly gals) that I trust with me.

Post edited by: lobo, at: 05/30/2008 19:49

not everyone has the on my sleeve policy some people need to keep some things to themselves and i think its ok as long as no one gets hurt..be blessed :~dragonfly

Yeah, intimacy is a process and not an instantaneous leap. I do the emotional trolling thing. If I'm engaging someone that my instincts tell me this is a person of interest then I'll usually make the first move and share a very minor little tidbit of something that makes me vulnerable. If they come back with nothing or change the subject then that's as deep as they go. If they come back with their own little tidbit of vulnerability then I'm off to see how deep this well is in subtle and gentle graduations. And that process might take a week or a month.

One real advantage of the internet and forums like this is that you can get there really quickly because complete vulnerability is possible because of complete anonymnity. I can connect or piss someone off right off the bat and weed thru whose a compatible keeper and who it will be more casual with.

My .02.

Post edited by: lobo, at: 05/30/2008 22:24