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I don't know what to do anymore. I am new to this forum and new to BPD. I have been with my partner for 7 mos now... and when it's good it's the best, but when it's not it's pure hell. She just began taking Lamictal and is on Cymbalta for the depression. Apparently she knows EVERYTHING there is to know about BPD and yet hasn't gotten it under control in 40 years. She just got a new Dr., and he started her on low doses thus far.( 25, now 50) We've had a couples counselor, but she doesn't want to go as she feels "ganged up on and attacked by us both". The reality of it is she is being called out on her behaviors. I have been a medical professional for over 15 years, and this one stumps me. How do you stay?? How much is enough?? Everything is my fault, I'm the loser, bitch, etc. She says THE most awful things to me I have ever been told. How much is really the BPD and how much is organically her? I am beginning to think she's just a raving bitch with an occasional kind heart. I am Buddhist and have had a pretty good handle on myself, my reality and what I will or won't accept from people in my life. How did this one sneak through?!!! Make no mistake, I adore her, I can't sleep without her beside me and in my arms. But exactly how much am I supposed endure before she blows the last bit of dignity and self esteem I have to bits??? She scorches her path and I'm left smoking in the rubble. Then an hour later she wants to be lovey. God help me should I not respond quickly and appropriately, because then the cycle of "I'm going to destroy you using every bit of info I have on you" begins. I'm empty. My son is only 8 and he ought never to have to witness such things. I know better... everyone around me thinks she's abusive and that I should leave. She has put me through it time and again... and yet I stay. I actually believe her when she makes agreements and promises. How big of a fool am I??? Don't know where to go from here...... D. |
)I have been where you are now. There are a lot of answers on here. She has to want to change or all the therapy and medication in the world won't help the situation. I'm a quick study, so by the time the 10th person on here told me I needed to take care of myself I figured out (on my own lol.) that I needed to take care of myself. Sometimes it takes a while for the medication to work. They seem to adjust the levels gradually. And even medication doesn't "fix" everything. Yesterday was a tough one for my g/f. But she didn't "go there." I know she was fighting the moodiness all day. I didn't take it personally, asked if she was ok and tried to stay out of her way. That was all I could do. This morning she is fine. I have to keep my side of the street clean - she is responsible for hers.
