Bipolar Support Group

Hi,

I am new to the group and I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for the past 4 years or so. I have struggled with the disorder all my life identified or not. I self medicated for years and when I became sober it also became apparent that there was something deeper there. With the diagnosis I was thrilled and hopeful that the medical community would be able to eliminate my symptoms but that has not been the case. I have been on most all the medications out there in any number of combinations. I suffered through the Lamictal rash and the gaining of gross amounts of weight in the hope of living a symptom free life. I have begged and I have tried to end my life yet here I still am. So is this as good as it gets?

Hi PinkishlyPink,

That just rolls off the tongue when you say it "PinkishlyPink".

It does get better. It's taken a while for me to say that, but when I look back it was a whole lot worse than it is now. I finally feel like I am in control of my life, instead of BiPolar being in control.

Post edited by: Tex, at: 10/02/2009 01:59 PM

I agree with Tex, yes it does get better. You have had a rough road i'm so sorry about that. I first got sick when i was 18 yrs old (1982) and it took at least 5 yrs to finally get the somewhat "old me" back after much needed help (day psych hospital, therapy, group homes & halfway homes...) I was high functioning and worked for 10 yrs. I did self-medicate during my 20s but once i was put on a mood stabilizer Lithium in my early 30s i stopped heavily drinking.

Back then I never could have imagined myself getting married and having children but i did do it, wow, it was all like a miracle. My kids are 9 & 11 and for the most part its them and my husband who help to keep me going on a daily basis.

Glad you've found us here at mdj & welcome. This is a great place to meet others. I no longer feel alone living with bipolar. Post wherever you like and start a new discussion if you need support or want to comment on things.

Post edited by: Dit, at: 10/02/2009 02:13 PM

After a long list of meds my pdoc has "settled" on lithium and topomax after my recent trip to the hospital in June. I have been living in the land of depression now for about 2 months after having maybe 3 weeks of hypomanic. I "normally" am mixed and on the manic side. The meds really don't seem to be making the difference that I imagined. If this is the best it gets, I can accept that, I just don't want the false hope to fuel the depression that already fills my heart. What is it that YOU have that YOU see as acceptable to live with as a person that has bipolar? What is too much depression or too much mania, am I expressing this correctly? What is acceptable?

Well those are good questions, what is acceptable?

I still have Ups and Downs and a few of the classic symptoms of both mania and depression. What is acceptable to me is that I have control over them... they don't control me anymore.

I will have depression, and it will pass.. I will have mania, and it will too pass. I just want to control the extent to which I have these episodes.

IMO You have to remember what makes you you, before you allow the illness to overcome you, as succombing to the label of the illness. I always say, that I am a "bipolar person" or "person living with bipolar". I am what you Americans would call Native American and am into my roots so I live to, well try to live in balance according the medicine wheel. It's all about living in balance, with your whole being. Once you get closer to that balance, the emotional and mental will come as well. You'll recognize what are just normal fluctuations in mood from happiness, to being a little down, etc. I have found that people who have this illness tend be a bit on the eccentric side. Thats not always a bad thing. I think you should just take it easy on yourself, don't be too down on yourself and on what you think you "should" be or become, yet. The main priority we all need to have is to seek wellness, in whatever healthy way we can go about it.

Oh Sorry, I feel kind of rude for not Welcoming You to the forums