Bipolar and drugs.

My name is OC. I was born and raised in NYC. Ever since I can remember, I was somehow different from everyone else. In elementary school, if someone bothered me I threw furniture at them in an angry rage. Imagine a little shrimp like me throwing chairs at much bigger kids. I did it with such anger that the bigger kids eventually were scared of me. In junior high, I was extremely nervous around people, especially girls... but I did have a very active social life at the time and all in all, these were my best years.

High school. In 9th grade(14 years old), due to my weird outbursts, I was frequently called "gay" and was constantly bullied. In the beginning of 10th grade, it began. I was so anxious and depressed that I didn't want to get out of bed to go to school. I would throw up for 3 weeks straight, dreading the thought of having to socialize. Eventually, we found it it was some sort of mental illness. Original doc thought it was SAD. When my condition didn't improve I went to a special teenage mental health center where the Doctor was pretty sure I was bipolar. I was put on Risperdal and depikote. I felt, better but the weight gain was insane...

Fast foward to senior year...This is where I tried weed for the first time and LOVED it. I gained such confidence, happiness, and I felt overall normal.

College

In my first year of college I barely went to class... instead smoking large amounts of marijuana with my other deliquent friends. My GPA was embarassing. I was dismissed, temporarily. During this time I invested in the stock market wisely and made a good amount of cash. Withina few months that money was gone... I still don't remember what I spent it on.

Clubs and drugs..

By age 20, I was going to community college to take some classes while I was dismissed from my original school. Before some classes I would smoke weed. I started doing dust as well. Dust made me feel like I was the king and I was slowly becoming more and more manic. I started going clubbing very often and smoke weed and did as much K as my nose can handle. People that I barely knew would be in my apartment doing an assortment of drugs. At one point I was popping e's for 2 weeks straight. On the last day of these said 2 weeks I snorted a superman e with a really dumb friend of mine that recommended it. Those of you familiar with superman e would know that this is actually 90% speed. Now I have tried speed a few times, but this set me off. One of my acquaintances came in my house with another shady character and stole my rolex. (I feel stupid telling people this story because nobody believed a 20 year old can have a rolex). Needless to say, I freaked out in my parents apartment upstairs, and 10 minutes later and ambulance comes to my house. I go into my first hospitilization. I was there for 2 weeks in Febuary 2006(I was 21). I was hospitilized 5 more times. Everytime I left the hospital, I took my meds AND continued doing drugs which got me back in one way or another. After my last hospitilization which took around 7.5 weeks, I was sent to a 28 day rehab. By the time I was done with rehab I had about 3 months clean.

I am now 23 years old and I have been clean since July 3rd, 2006. I am doing great in school so far. I am still suffering with constant mood changes from my supposed bipolar disorder. I have been tempted to do drugs lately to level myself out, but I have not so far. I tried nearly every bipolar medication. Currently I am prescribed Lithium and Wellbutrin. The Wellbutrin was added recently and helped me for a week or so, but now I feel worst then ever. I had to stop taking the wellbutrin because now I feel worst then ever. I am calling my doctor tommorow to get professional advice. This community looks nice. I was kicked out of multiple dual diagnosis programs for reasons unknown, so I am looking to gain some insight about people suffering from Bipolar I and drug abuse. Thanks for Listening.

OC

Gloria

I was following doctors orders. I trust him wholeheartingly. He spends at least 45 minutes with me every session. I also see a therapist every week for 30 minutes. I believe I am suffering from rare side effects of Wellbutrin(hallucinations), so I stopped as per the label on the bottle.

If you read the whole post, you should know I am calling the pdcoc tommorow when he is in.

This forum is titled "introduction" I don't have a specific question. I merely wanted to introduce myself honestly and to the point.

Norma - I'm glad you are sober for that long. No matter how bad you feel, always remember drugs and alcohol are not the answer. That's what keeps me going every day. I know it sounds weird hearing that from someone my age, but I have been through it.

I do feel very creative when I'm not depressed. I always wanted to be a DJ as a hobby. I may pursue this in the summer when I have some spare time. I already bought all the equipment when I was manic.

Post edited by: illectronic, at: 05/04/2008 20:58

My ex is so much better off when he is not drinking alcohol.

Good luck to you

I wish you the best in your recovery. It sounds to me as a fellow lifelong bi-polar guy and as a drug addict in recovery that you need to be going to NA or AA meetings again 7 days a week. You seemed more interested in stating the drugs that you have done and the lifestyle you have lived instead of asking for help or advice. The first 6 months of recovery are difficult(but are considered the pink cloud stage) because your confidence is high because you think, "hey, I've been sober 6 months!!" But after that is the time that most addicts relapse. I am not trying to be mean at all my friend. But you really seemed to want to tell all the drugs you have done instead and the lifelong hell it has obviously given you. As a bipolar drug addict myself, let me tell you only as a friend that you need to get back into meetings. Because you really spent most of the past 2 posts sounding proud instead of realizing that you need more treatment. Please my friend, let your doctor know how you feel with everything . And find out a support group not only as a bipolar patient..yes this place is great, But also as a drug addict. Because you sound as if you are about to relapse. Take care buddy.

Post edited by: ou812, at: 05/04/2008 21:18

I do have questions. But I feel like every AA or NA meeting I tried is full of shit. I don't believe in god, and I find that it pushes religion too much. I have been seeing the therapist and pdoc every week for the last 2 months trying to adjust my meds and deal with my psycosocial problems.

My biggest question is always: how do I get over caring what other people think of me? Everybody in my large extended family knows my story and I feel like I'm being treated as a 2nd class person by some.

In the past 72 hours I have had extreme rapid cycling. I have tried to get a hold of the doctor, but it's a weekend and the covering doctor said to go to the hospital. What can I do? I'm not going back to that place.