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03/07/2007 12:34 PM

Hello to all....I feel so helpless

BRogers
Posts: 6
New Member

I wanted to introduce myself, my name is Barbara and I have a 23 year old daughter who is Bi-Polar. She was also diagnosed with Post Partum Cardio Myopathy at age 18 two months after the birth of her first daughter (she has 2). She witnessed a murder at her residence in Aug 06 and things have been down hill since. She is addicted to crack and has lost custody of her children. The only meds she will take is Digoxen and Atenenol but her prescription will soon run out. She does not seem to want any help or at least she doesn't feel like she would succeed. Its hard to just sit back and watch her kill herself. I want to help her........not bury her. Any suggestions?
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03/08/2007 05:51 AM
Alon
Alon  
Posts: 1819
Admin
I'm an Advocate

Barbara, stay strong and remember that there's always hope and we usually come up stronger from these kind of situations - both you and your daughter.

Hopefully, other members will be more helpful than me...in the mean time I send you warm hugs.

A


03/08/2007 01:19 PM
JR1
 
Posts: 974
Senior Member

Dear Barbara,

Forgive me for not responding sooner, but a message such as yours always triggers my emotions.

I understand your feeling of helplessness. I have tried to give my help to others in your daughter's circumstance, but always only when they ASK for help.

Normally, I would suggest that you persuade your daughter to log in to this support group, or to visit a local Narcotics Anonymous meeting, and talk about her problems--what happened and what SHE has tried to do about it.

I see a critical problem, however, in her use of cocaine in connection with her weakened heart muscle. In my mind, that places her at a need to be RESCUED from her cocaine use.

http://www.emedicine.com/med/topic287.htm

In Florida, I am aware that the Baker Act may be useful where someone's mental or emotional state presents an imminent danger to themselves or someone else.

http://psychservices.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/ 53/9/1171

In most states some provision exists to facilitate involuntary restraint and observation/treatment where potential mental health problems in an individual present a danger to themselves or others.

I have not had to force intervention on anyone yet. Usually I reason with a person at risk (in my opinion) and persuade them to submit to intervention. I would not hesitate, however, to take steps to force intervention or rescue in a "crisis."

So the question in my mind is what constitutes a crisis? To answer that question, Barbara, requires a very subjective judgment, doesn't it?

I suppose, if you have questions or serious moral or ethical barriers, that your first step might be to persuade your daughter, if not to seek help, to talk with someone in your community. A call to your community crisis hotline or--better still--to the Narcotics Anonymous hotline may put your daughter in touch with someone to whom she can talk and someone with whom she can identify.

What ever you attempt to do, remember that the clock is ticking.... Long term, well reasoned, and well planned strategies may have to wait, while you or someone first attends to your daughters mental, physical, and emotional instability. Remember also that a long term, lasting, or permanent remedy for your daughter will probably only happen when she really wants it and seeks it for herself.

If nothing else, Barbara, my one and only suggestion to you is to be a good and available listerner--to abide with love and support AND to inform your daughter where she can find help when her desperation and pain force her to ask for help. If you choose a passive approach, the waitng can become hell, and the timing risky and often critical. However, the more your daughter is able to talk about her problems and to come to terms with the truth, the more her resistance to help will diffuse.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/links/crisis.html

http://www.na.org/

1-800-448-3000 national suicide hotline http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

http://www.focusas.com/Cocaine.html

Please do not dispair, Barbara. I often pray simply for inspiration--what to do, and the strength do do it. Even if you are an atheist, you will not receive "points off" for saying a prayer.

Please keep in touch. Feel free to use a private message to me or to anyone.

Thanks!

Your new friend, Jim


03/19/2007 11:15 AM
Kathy
Kathy  
Posts: 9
New Member

Barbara my name is Kathy I am 42 years old and am bipolar and addicted to crack. I cannot imegine what you are going through with your daughter, I can only say that i am sure I have been where she is. My best advise is to do what you know is best for her because she cannot make those decisions for herself. No matter how strongly we may feel that we know what is right we are just grabbing at straws floatng in our heads. i know I always need someone who truly cares about me to guide me through life, although I do not always go peacefull I am always grateful afterwards. I would to talk more if you need to I am in recovery now but that changes on a daily basis. All I can do is get up every day and carry on I leave the rest to God

03/19/2007 02:21 PM
BRogers
Posts: 6
New Member

Kathy,

My problem is I am not sure how to help Christy. She has told othes that she would walk out of rehab. I guess she just doesn't feel strong enough to stay on her own. I will see her tomorrow because I have some legal papers for her to sign regarding her youngest child. I always end our conversations with I love you and please let me know when you want some help. We used to argue all the time but I have changed now that I know the children are being taken care of, not to mention that I have found God and it has changed my behavior towards her. There are alot of people who think I have given up on her but that just is not true. I am doing all that I have the power to do but if anyone has suggestions I am open to doing more if I can. I am sure she has post traumatic episodes regarding the stabbing in August. She is the sole witness and sooner or later the trial is going to come up. I spoke to the DA and they said probably the end of the summer. Christy says she can be in court but I just don't see how. She stays up all night and sleeps all day. She saw the girls Christmas but each time I offer to come pick her up to spend the night with us she declines. She lost her voice for about 2 weeks and her voice is still very raspy and hoarse. I met her Friday at the drug store to fill her heart meds. they said it was too early for the digoxen but they did fill the atenenol. I am pretty sure she is prostituting as her neighbors let me know the comings and goings. There is so much besides crack that put her at risk right now. Her grandmother is coming to Georgia from Ohio April 6, I am very anixous to see how that visit plays out. I have asked her to come and spend the night on Sat and go to church Easter Sunday and although she says she will it remains to be seen. She seems to go on binges and then crash and eat and then starts all over again......Barbara


03/20/2007 02:18 PM
Kathy
Kathy  
Posts: 9
New Member

Barbara,

since reading your reply I have been thinking about what i could say that would help. I really have not come up with anything. Not knowing your daughters circumstances or life history i do not have a full understanding. I can only say that while we all act differently to each situation and we all have different expexctations in life, the only one who truly knows what she is going through is her. Knowing some of the things she has been faced with I can understand her desire to "escape". One of the situations would be enough to put me over, but then it doesn't take much either, any excuse is a good excuse for an addict. Not ever having children I cannot possibly know what she is going through. Does she want her children back? Is it an option? The first and foremost concern is her heart condition. Doing crack is suicide for her. Has she been to any support groups? Has she ever expressed concern fort her problem? Like you said, you cant help someone who doesn't want it , but at the same time you need to know if she can make that choice for herself. Sometimes we need to take charge for the greaeter good. I am all to familiar with some of the choices in life that she has made. Prostitution is a big part of addiction. It keeps you in money and keeps your self esteem low so you need to keep doing whatever it is that makes the pain go away. I know I have been there, when I was her age I was doing the same things. i left home at age 13, moved into a house of prostitution and drugs and on went my life, such as it has been. There are so many things i want to ask, does she have sibblings? Is there any other family to help you? Have you contacted mental health? Hasd she ever seen a counselor for anything? You need step back think honestly if SHE wants help, not just you wanting her to want help. If you believe she does then I would suggest YOU do want needs to be done. It will not be easy but if you feel that she is worth saving you have to be the sane one. while it is not your problem, you may be the only one able to get her where she needs to be. please write back. I have been through all the systems and every situation. I would be more than happy to share my experience if it would help.

Kathy


03/21/2007 02:26 PM
BRogers
Posts: 6
New Member

Kathy,

Thanks for the posts. Christy does know she has a problem and for a short while actually seemed to be considering help but when it would come right down to it (me gping and get her) she always had an excuse for that day. Her specturm of "friends" is vast and varied they are mostly men white, black, mexican, young, old, some even give the appearance of successful. She has a few but not many girl friends. I have a great support network of family and friends as well as a church family. Christy's father was bipolar and was killed in an accident when she was 2 1/2 years old, he had just gotten out of a youthful offenders prision. She has one half brother my son Michael whom she grew up with and one half sister by her father who had not been born at the time of his death. The half sister grew up in foster care and she has had some contact with her. Christy was very close to my sister (her aunt only aunt on my side) and her cousion Erica they were both killed in 1997. Erica was 15 at the time and my sister was 33, Christy was 14 and she began running away and having all sorts of problems. The only father Christy had was my son's father who raised her from 2 years old until we divorced in 1998, unfortunatly they did not get along although she always wanted his approval. After her "bf" was stabbed in August 06 she seemed to want her children back but as time has went along she speaks less and less about regaining custody. She wanted DFACS off her case so she has signed custody over to me and the other grandmother. She last saw the girls on Christmas day (just barley showed up) even though I offer to pick her up and take her and the girls to do something together. Let me pass on my personal email its brogers132@mchsi.com and sga80c02@allstate.com....talk to you soon. I would love for you to share your story I am here to listen as well. take care!


01/05/2009 01:33 PM
rettarue
 
Posts: 14
New Member

I understand you so much. My 34 yr old son has been the drug/alcohol gammit and tried everything to self medicate himself. I feel like the life is being sucked out of me because I am helpless and have to sit here and watch him self destruct. He has been on meds for 2 months now, but they too are so expensive and when the freebies run out I know he will be back as usual.

He just lost his place to live and is hinting to live here. I am raising one son of his, 13 yrs old, and have had him since birth. Another son is in foster care and has leukemia. Life sucks. BUT I will not give up that GOD has a big plan for us. I know HE

will not leave us but we have to ask why is this happening.


01/05/2009 01:39 PM
rettarue
 
Posts: 14
New Member

I would love to hear from you. I feel like I am drowning. My son has tried to get a job, but since he

lost his license he is limited, he has background checks and that limits him as his isn't good, and

he doesn't want to be around liquor, so go figure.

Plus the economy. Also, I attend Al Anon and highly recommend it, but where do you draw the line in enabling

an alcoholic or helping a mentally ill person. i feel likewhen I give up on him, he will leave this world.

That is what got him to help in the first place before Christmas. I am emotionally, financially, and physically drained.

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