I’ve sensed your optimism and tonus (even so, hard to keep, as you say) and they gave me a very good feeling.

And it’s remarkable how you managed to emit a very strong idea about yourself and your life in such few words.

You say you finally feel life. That’s a wonderful thing to become conscious of, and I don’t think that being 60 should come after the “but”. I’ve known women starting a whole new life at 60 or more, getting married, starting a family ( Adriana Iliescu), starting a business, feeling and living young. True, 60 is not a very fresh age, especially from the employers’ point of view, but it’s not at all old, and the most important is how you feel, and what you make of it. I understand that lately, the lack of income is a hindrance against your well being, but your attitude, at least as it transpires from your short message, is one of optimism and hope, which is another very remarkable thing.

You are very lucky to have had your “new man” as you called him so beautifully, stand by you through this. I’ve seen families break apart due to mental illness, partners that couldn’t stand it, breakups that only added more to the pain of the disease. He must be very special, and you must be wonderful for making him love you so much.

I sense a little despise towards the modern psychiatry and means of treatment. I can understand it... but still, it’s better than before, when anybody acting a little out of the ordinary would be categorized as plainly “crazy”, with a stigma and dishonor for life, without being able to ever reintegrate in society or lead a normal life. Yes, substances can control our minds. And yes, I think it’s a good thing, when it comes to it, than remaining forever “the village fool”.

You didn’t give many details about your disease. What happens when you’re off the medication? Was your first breakdown triggered by your divorce and family problems, you think (you say you were already involved with your current partner)? You say your ex-husband turned on you, although you weren't very happy in that marriage. So, instead of relief, you still had pain. Did you love him? I can understand, though, how you must have felt, alone after such a long life together, even though it wasn't a very fulfilling marriage. I think that you starting your story with that, especially since you've started a new life and family, says a lot about the onset of the disease.

Are you cycling?

Can you work at all? What’s the limited mobility about?

Your story is inspiring, and not losing your hope and joie de vivre throughout so much pain and sufferance should be a muse for many that cave in from much less.

haven't seen you here for a long time.

is everything OK?

i hope you are feeling better (and 40 .

let us know.

roy

I am so glad you are still hanging in there. I have thought of you (fellow Floridian, right!?) many times since your first posts.

Please, consider that you may help yourself more and with more safety if you will check in to a hospital or a local detox facility. Please trust me to say that you are playing a dangerous game, when you detox at home. Withdrawal from your meds puts you at risk of dimentia, seizures, and other systemic danger--not to mention the desperate and delusional thinking that may propel you to destructive behavior.

Please, please find a safe place to withdraw, and do it under medical supervision. If you are firm in your choice to withdraw, you will find medical support to do so. It took time for you to get where you are, and it will take time and patience with support to return to where you want to be.

I love ya, kiddo!

Please take care!

Jim