Bipolar Support Group

I'm a very shy person who normally holds everything in. After much debate and reading around this site I decided to join this group and learn from others who also suffer with Bipolar disorders.

Even after three years of being diagnosed I'm still struggling to cope with it. I normally leveled off where I'm neither happy nor sad, however I'm currently having an episode that has been ongoing for months.

I have shut out my friends and family because I'm afraid to hurt them, not physically but emotionally and mentally. I know I become difficult to deal with when I’m like this and I hate seeing them so upset over it. I’m overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, anger, and hurt which only deepens my sadness. It’s when I’m depressed that I become anxious about people and get the insane idea that everyone around me is working against me somehow. My friends/family became offended and angry with me in return and now an estrangement has occurred. These feelings have calmed down a bit but they remain and thus I find myself unable to reach out to those I love. They pretend to understand but in reality they don’t . How can anyone know what this is like unless they have experienced it themselves?

This is why I turned to this site for support and understanding. I wish to learn from others and deal with this disease which has really handicapped my life.

Hi nayda,

I do not know exactly what it's like; my wife does though (BP-1)

Been watching her deal with this inner torture of wanting to reach out, but feeling that everyone is against her, on an off for some time... A lot in the past six weeks. Her family reaching out to her has given her confidence that she's accepted and she's ready to rebuild love and trust with them as well.

Has anyone in your circle of family/friends given you a call recently?

Is there anyone in your family/friends you're still in 'good' with? Might be helpful for them to reach out for you to those other loved ones.

Loved ones (including you!) need to, want to reach out to each other.

Hang in there. Your friends and family DO love you, and no relationship is beyond repair. Understanding doesn't come right away, but it does come.

People are tougher (mentally/emotionally) then given credit for, but they have to continually rebuild their relationships with each other, even healthy relationships need that.

(hoping someone else here jumps in this thread to give a first a first person view).

Hi Nyada, welcome to the forum! You will find a lot of friends here and feel free to speak of whatever you need.

I can relate very much to you story. I have fought my mood swings alone for 15 years, pretending that everything was fine and shutting down to everybody. I know now that it was a mistake, it's too difficult to get out of this all alone. Even medication and therapy does not resolve everything.

As checksinthemail said, it's important to have support from family and friends you feel are closer to you. They probably will never understand what it is (and we cannot expect it), but it's easier for them to accept you and check on you when things start to get out of control.

My family does not really accept my behavior, but they have learned that sometimes I need space and distance to get my feeling sorted out. I freaked friends away and got support from people I have never expected.

Real help I get only from my pdoc and this forum. Here people understand what I'm going through and just posting and get replays make me feel a little bit better. Sometimes you would look for answers we don't have, and sometimes you will discover things to think about.

((((Hugs)))

Ups, i got your name wrong...

Welcome Nayda. I'm glad you have decided to join us. This is a very supportive group and I'm sure you will make friends here. I know how you feel. There have been years when I was depressed for many months straight, so depressed that I felt suicidal at times. I was misdiagnosed because of it and put on antidepressants which made me manic.

I shut out friends and family alike. Some friends got angry about it, I don't know what my family thought, but I frankly didn't care. Thanks for intervention and proper treatment, I do not suffer like I once did. There are still some ups and downs, but not as often and not as severe.

Keep posting, join in discussions, start ones of your own. Y?ou have come to the right place for support.

Post edited by: blueskies, at: 07/27/2009 11:09 AM

Hi Nayda... I am so glad you are reaching out. Having the feeling that people are against me happens a lot to me too. It's almost like paranoia which is very uncomfortable and creates a lot of anxiety. I try to stay calm and do some reality checks. I usually find that no one is out to get me and it's time to ask for help. I haven't told many people that I have Bipolar...even my close friends. I feel they will judge me or treat me different. I take my meds and have been pretty stable but I do need my alone time which is very hard to get. My kids are the biggest stressors in my life and it's a 24/7 job. Hope you feel better Lindy

Hi Nayda, I usually the type of person to keep things in...I have done so many things in my life that I am so ashamed of and have told noone, since there are so many horrible things I have done that they already know. The annonymity and the support of this group is what drew me to it, also it is nice to talk to other people who are suffering/doing well since I have not told anyone lately... My family just believed it to be something that went away.

Best of luck!

I have alienated a few people in my family before I was diagnosed. Some relationships have been repaired some haven't and probably never will. My Mom is the only one who stood by me and loved me unconditionally. I am very lucky to have her. My husband is also very supportive. But neither one of them can possibly understand what it's like for me. And I don't expect them to. They love me and that's enough for me. I try not to take myself to seriously. I know I have an illness that keeps me from having a normal life sometimes but that's just the way it is and I've learned to accept it. This group is wounderful and has helped me tremendously. I couldn't make it without the people here.

My friends and family know I'm bipolar and although this isn't the first time I've become this withdrawn, it's the first time I have said "I feel everyone is working against me". I tries to explain to them my paranoia really increases as my depression worsens but they took it personally and I decided to stop trying to explain everything that is going on with me because they just don't get it.

It's hard to feel better one moment before falling apart and locking myself in the bathroom in tears. It's hard to be become so anti-social I can't even bring myself to leave the house.

As those around me don't understand, I find it a great comfort to know from reading everyone's post that I'm not crazy and there are others who have similar symptoms when with their depression. Thank you for the support.