Bipolar Support Group

i thoughti was the only spouse out there that was going thru this crazy life. my hubsand was recently (within the last few weeks) diagnosed with bipolar. he has just started the meds (depakote and prozac- he has been on prozac and they are going to possibly ween him off of that to get him on something better if needed) so as of now there havent been any changes in his moods. i started noticing the ups and downs a few years ago but attributed it to the drinking (he no longer drinks). he took himself off of meds and it got really really bad until a friend stepped in and told him he needed to get help. he did and it was awesome, like i had my husband back again. i have questioned the possibilities of him having bipolar for a few years with the symptoms of the mood swings, the spending, sleeping habits and obsessing but i could never get him to agree to it until one day he just got tired of feeling anxious, angry, tired and having the feeling he wanted to hurt someone. I did not make him go, i did not give him any ultimatums (that would not have worked with him), all i did was writed down how i felt during and after his episodes, what was said and what was done and why it happened (bc he wouldnt remember) and when he was in a rational state we would talk about it. i feel like everything is targeted at me (we have children but he usually doesnt say anything bad to them -- on occasion he has but i step in on it and make him mad at me so he is diverted). he does not treat anyone else like he treats me, he yells at me, insults me, calls me names, tells me to get out and that he wants a divorce -- all of the things he knows would hurt my feelings and make me mad and this is usually over things that you and i would never get mad about or if we did get mad it wouldnt be an explosion of anger. i usually just bite my tongue and dont say anything but there are times that i have just had enough and i fight back with him (knowing deep down it will only make it worse but i dont care bc i should have just as much respect as he demands). this weekend was amazing, we had a great time laughing and just being with each other and then BOOM at 11pm on sunday night he heard something on the news that we had argued about before and there ya go it starts. he yelled and i cried myself to sleep. he got over it and here i am still stewing about it. yesterday he got mad at me because he thought i said something as simple as no in a snotty sound and BOOM there ya go again it starts .. he is gonna divorce me, he wants to break me in half, blah blah blah. he got over it and here i am still stewing about it. i love my husband and have been through a lot with him while we have been married and i dont want to leave him. he is seeking help which is awesome, but i need help figuring out how I get over the episodes and how I get through them with him. he says just walk away and dont say anything but he sometimes follows me yelling at me and there are sometimes where i dont want to put up wiht what he is saying. UGH what are your suggestions?

Hi Karen first you are definately not alone. It's good to hear that your husband went to get help on his own my friends wife had to get to the bottom before she could help herself. His meds are going to take time they just don't work overnight. It usually takes a little experimenting to get them right too so it might take some time. If he's getting physical or threatening to you need a plan to protect yourself and your children. You might want to see a therapist for yourself too it helps to have someone to talk to that would understand what you go through with your husband. Take care........TXB

ty for responding. he has never gotten physical and the threats are just him ranting i believe. he has told me and his psych. that he does have urges to hurt people but that he stops himself because he knows the consequences. i totally understand that it will take time and i am prepared for whatever happens in the meantime. i just am looking to i guess get through it with him and still keep my sanity. it is crazy -- i miss him while he is working but also dread him coming home sometimes bc i never know what is going to set him off

Seeing a therapist yourself can be a great help. I sometimes do when my wife goes through one of what we call her moments. It helps when things get over whelming as they do sometimes. My wife's stable and on meds but sometimes she's difficult and trying, and when my own methods to get through with her don't work I'm off to my therapist for help. It helps to be able to work together and communicate effectively although it's sometimes not possible. Learn as much as you can about his disorder, pick times when he's stable to talk about things it's a long hard at times road. Been there and will be back to it again it's just a fact.

if it comes to that point i will seek out my own..right now his therapist is allowing me to come in with him bc he doesnt remember alot of what goes on and also we share everything. hubs says that it affects me almost as much as it affects him so he wants me to be a part of it. his therapist is very good about helping us both out. i think right now i am just going to journal and keep researching. i wrote a long thing in my diary/journal on my profile about what happened this weekend and last night and i felt much better. ty so much for talking to me.. i really appeciate it.

Therapy is a must for you and there are alot of books out there about bipolar. Also utilize this group as much as possible. You don't have to go through this alone. You can even make some friends along the way. Take heart in the fact that he's getting help. That's progress and you should be proud of him for it because it takes alot of guts to admit to having a mental illness. Remember what your going through is only half of what he's going through. It's scary being bipolar and not having control over your emotions. Try not to take it personal. I know that's easier said than done by try. I'm bipolar and my 2 sons are also. So I see it from both perspectives. When my sons have an episode I see that they're scared and hurting. All you can do is be there for him and love him. Things will get better if he does the work and it sounds like he is. He will get stable so try to be patient.

ty taurus.. i am trying very hard and have been for the last few years. i was patient with him when he was drinking where most people would have left him. i have been patient with him thru his fits as i call them because they are usually over small things to me and dont last long. it hurts me to know he is hurting. i want to take it all away, but i just wish he could find another way to express his hurt and anger other than calling me names and cutting me down especially when i am the only one that is by his side. i am very glad that i found this forum. i needed it ..i also found a lot of comfort in writing my own feelings down in my diary entries on my profile. ty for taking the time to help me and listen to me. i greatly appreciate it

Does he have a therapist yet? He needs to get one, they will teach him coping skills in dealing with his anger instead of taking it out on others. He's got a long road to go and alot to learn about this illness. It's very complicated and different for everybody. As long as you take care of yourself than you'll get through this.

yes he does..he sees a social worker every 2 weeks and a psychiatrist ever 4 weeks. the social worke is going to work on coping skills. He is going through the VA so they are taking very good care of him. the hardest step for now is over and that was him being ready to get help. he is one of those guys that doesnt do something unless he is ready and it was his idea.. so i have to be like a farmer and plant seeds in his head .. i feel so deceptive at times by doing that but i know it is for the best. i have been trying to do that with coping skills too, giving him suggestions such as if you hear something in a certain way that you dont like .. stop and ask before you head of into a fit .. that is probably to far fetched for him to do when something sets him off but i try. he journals every day so that is a good thing. during his rational day .. which thankfully are more than not.. we compare notes. i just wish there was some sort of code word we could use when i see him start to get out of control .. i wish it could be that easy lol

Big thumbs up to you! Shit, everytime I read a spouces story. I always put my husband in your place and read wut Im putting him through. Im trying to find the right meds and it been a month now and Im tired. Today is one of those days that I just dont want to mess with it. But your post comes along and tells me how much it hurts your feelings and how we get over that episode but we still leave ya "stewing" My poor sweetheart! There were times I remember when I hurt so bad inside and I was just hopeless and my honey walked in from a days work, knowinly how he felt. No problem sleeping. This rage just took contol and My mouth said the most meanest, cruelful things to him. I saw in his eyes me break him, His spirit and happiness. My heart broke at that very moment cuz I didnt know why I did that to the love of my life.. Many times I felt hopeless. I would see myself push him away. Telling him how better off he would be without me. At nights I would sit and just cry cus I didnt want to be without him. I just couldnt stop myself.

Your husband is very lucky to have a wife like you... Good luck and take care. k