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lozzy
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hi all, let me introduce myself. i'm lorraine i'm 42 & have 5 children, 4 boy's'& a lil girl.........for yr's i felt "up & down" all the time, anger & irritability alway's bad i also must point out i suffer ocd & depression. i don't know who to explain it, i can feel overly happy for no reason, or just feel like i wanna talk & talk. my actions in the past i feel have been very wrong & a month or so after i've done whatever i've done, i think "omg, why did i do that"..there is a few stories i can tell you, but they i'm not proud & will feel better telling you when i have been here awhile. i do rly deel for my kids though, although i think i'm a good mum i also feel bad. as i can have a week or so of being irritable,angry, being verbally abusive & breaking things. i also at the same time wish i wasn't here, as i know my kids would be better off than without a mum like me i l;ove them greatly but everything & anything can trigger me & i will argue for any reason(just coz i feel like it). plz can someone help me, i'm sure i have some sort of bipolar disorder(my mum had it to) & it's great when i feel normal but it hurts so much when i'm a bitch does this sound familier to anyone of u guys?........thx for listening  lorraine x |
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morningglory/oldglory
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Welcome, lorraine. It certainly does sound familiar. However I am not a doctor or any kind of authority on BP. I am 58 and know I have had it for most of that time, but every BPD is different and only a psychiatrist can give you a diagnosis. If you are in pain or feel like you will hurt yourself or someone else, you can go to your local hospital emergency room and they will get you help. If you think you can wait, you must go to your primary doctor for a referral to a Psychiatrist. If the Psychiatrist thinks you have a disorder, he will prescribe medication that can stabilize you and make you feel 100% better. Then you can talk to a therapist about the problems in your life and this will also help you to feel better. I do all 3 of these things and have quite normal feelings now. (whatever normal is...lol) I remember having so much anger that I would lash out at everyone near me. You're right it does hurt, because when it is happening you are scared and confused and feel so alone. There a are wonderful people here Lorraine, with lots of experience and lots of comfort to offer. I hope you find some answers here as well as some new friends. Gloria |
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lozzy
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thank you for your reply & kind words gloria
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spywife
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lozzy, I'm spywife, I just joined the group. I am Bipolar, not extreme, but BP just the same. The feelings you describe I spent years feeling exactly the same way. I don't have children. I am a nurse and it really impacted my worklife. I felt, at times, as if I was on the outside looking in and wondering what I was doing and why I was saying the things I was saying. Is this how you feel? Like you just don't have control over what comes out of your mouth or how you react to someone? I had a huge life event in 1996 and went into a deep depression and in the course of my therapy, I discovered, by believe it or not, by watching a segment on the Oprah show, and then confirming with my doctor and my therapist that I had BP disorder. I was 42 yrs old! I am now 56 and I still struggle, but now it is not as hard. I have a great doc and theraptist and am on the right meds. I encourage to see you medical doctor and tell him how you feel and ask him/her to get you to a psychiatrist and a therapist. I promise you can feel better. Not get well, but live a much better life for you and your family. |
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lozzy
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spywife, thx for your reply my eldest son as also said that i react inopropriate(sp) for certain situations, & i just can't help what comes out of my mouth!. but like i say, when i get so angry & irritable i feel so bad for my lil girl, coz it's not fair for her to se mummy like this....i'm gonna make a appointment with the doc asap. but i'm afraid they will say it's just "major depression" again, i just know it's more than that coz other stuff as happened to. how did your doc comfirm your diognosis?. |
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carmen33
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Hi, Lorraine, Welcome to the group, we are glad to have you here, I can relate to a lot that you said, are you going to see a doctor and a therapist? they can get you medications that will help to level out these mood swings, and having someone to talk with is always a big help, we're here for you too.. |
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spywife
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I know you'll think I'm making it up, but, I saw a segment on Oprah in 1996 about BP. It described me to a T. I had been ashamed to admit to my therapist all my behaviors because I just thought I was a bad person, not sick!! I finally had the courage to tell her, she told me she knew I had been hiding something from her, but she did't know what. She had some book that had a set of questions that she asked me that had the criteria for BP. She then sent me to the psychiatrist. He asked some more ?s and made the diagnosis. I have a great book that I found that you might find helpful. "Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder" by Julie A. Fast and John Preston, PsyD. It is written simply and has info for you and your family to help them to understand what you are going thru and how to help you.It helped my husband in what to say and not to say to me, not to set me off!! I have been thru some realllllllly bad times in the past, but now that I am on the right meds and know myself and how I react to certain things, my lisfe is easier, not perfect. It will be a lifetime of taking one day at a time, but at least I know there is a future for me and I now look forward to it. And you will too. You are not alone. Anne (spywife)
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Gypsy
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Hi Lorraine, Welcome to the group. I am glad you have found us. I have bipolar 1, and was put on meds a year ago. I have 4 kids. I was a raving lunatic, too. I have had rages, and depressions, and have a terrible work history, because of my disorder. I was diagnosed with depression a few times when, I was younger, and they finally got it right 5 yrs ago. If you are lucky, you can get a psych eval from a psychologist. But if you see a psychiatrist, thay have a list of symptoms, that you have to have, to have bipolar. You can also lookup bipolar online and there are various sites that have a list of symptoms. They also have a list of meds, they usually treat bipolar with. Anyway, Hang out, share, vent, and ask all of the questions you want. God Bless,Gypsy |
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lozzy
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hi all thx dor all your replies they have been rly helpful! i'm going to go to the doc on monday & tell her how i've been feeling. & thx all for making me feel welcome xx |
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lozzy
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thx for your words of comfort carmen i'm gonna go make a appointment at the doc's 2moz, i've also ordered a few book's, 1 called "my mommy sometimes gets angry" (sounds like me to a T) & another 1 about depression & bipolar. |
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