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07/05/2009 11:12 PM

27 year old living with husband with bipolar

Posts: 5

I am 27 years old and have been with my husband for 8 years and married for 3. When we first met, he was everything I wanted, loving, kind, smart and attentive. He was my first serious boyfriend and I was completely overtaken. However, when we would fight he would be so mean, he would call me names and throw things and even leave me stranded at times, I was not sure how a 'real' relationship was supposed to work (and still am not) so I just figured I was doing something to make him mad and needed to change myself. Everything would set him off and after a year or so of horrible verbal abuse and constantly fighting, I told him he would have to see a doctor or I was leaving. He was diagnosed with bipolar and went through a lot of different medications, he eventually found one that 'worked' and he has been somewhat stable. He is still a very angry person and it seems like he is never happy unless we are doing something for him. He is a very loving person, however, I feel like the only one in the relationship at times. I make all the decisions, take care of the bills and finances, make sure he is taken care of etc. I do feel very motherly and like the bad guy at times because he always wants to spend money and I have to tell him NO at times. He is very smart and wants to take classes, however he is enrolled in so many things that it leaves no money for me to do anything for myself, then he complains that I have no interests. He is very supportive of me, but doesn't take interest in what I like. Our whole relationship seems to be based on keeping him happy so he doesn't have an 'episode'. He doesn't plan anything for me or take me on dates or anything, it seems everything is to keep himself busy. We rarely fight that much anymore and his 'episodes' are few these days (thank God), however, he rarely talks and seems disinterested when I talk. I can't tell whether this is bipolar or just him being him. When I ask if he still wants a relationship with me he says 'of course' and 'I have a condition' I sometimes feel like I live with a spoiled child and being only 27 with no kids I don't know if I can do this for the rest of my life. Sick

07/06/2009 08:24 PM
Posts: 92

Im 38 yrs old and been married 12 yrs. Im schizoaffective and I just have a couple of weeks that I have been released from hosp.. I have a older brother who has the same illness and a older sister who is in denial. I love my husband very dearly. Ive loved him since I was 15.He is my soulmate......

My illness had made me mean, ungrateful, lazy towards him. There were times that I can remember myself just being plain mean to him and the ache I caused in his eyes would just stab me!!! He is the love of my life, I couldnt understand how I can hurt him that way..

I would cry cuz he is the only one who would never give up on me.. Theres was times that I wouldnt clean. I wouldnt shower. Just sat in bed and watched tv. When he would come home from a hard days work. He would come in look in the kitchen and just sigh.

And I could see it! I swear I truly wanted to do it.

He would get off of work and spend atleast 2 or 3 of his resting hours running erronds that I could of done myself. But I just couldnt... I would go days with out batheing and just look plain awful, felt so ugly and he would never look disgusted with me. In his eyes I was his beautiful wife.. Girl I cried so much cause I just couldnt understand why I was the way I was... Only One time did he ever mentioned about me going into a hospital like my brother and sister had... I looked at him so insulting and he took it all back and told me he didnt care. I knew I had a problem but the thought of committing myself I was deadly afraid I would never get to get out...

I was once written this mean message and it said how sorry she felt for my husband because of the burden of me that he was dealt with... At that moment my heart broke and I just wanted to die... Cus my sweetheart married me knowing that I could never have children and that I had this uncureable bladder disease called Interstitual Cystitis. I didnt want to be a burden to him. But he just held on to me with all his mite! The 10th of June I volunterealy admitted myself into the state hosp. Im so happy and thankful that I did.. First diagnosed Bipolar1 but released as a schitzaffective. The medication im on so far is working except small slite headaches. Which hopefully wear off. my mind is so clear. I was very ill and for so many yrs I knew I wasnt right. I called it my ugly cold darkness in my body.. Now it has a identity. I still ache when I think of a mean incedent that I would hurt my love..I tell him the time and apologize but he still makes excuses and say that it wasnt me it was the darkness.

This illness it the rest of my life illness. Us sick people have to make a decision everyday if we are going to deal with it or let it take us down along with our love ones.Having this wonderful loving man who truely loves me and never gave up on me, gives me the strength to wake up take my meds and fight for a loving day with him.

I guess wut Im trying to say that You must truly love this man to have those many years..

I could see how selfish and not caring your hubby mite look. I truly believe that deep inside of him. He doesnt want to be that way. He wants so bad to have some happy moments with you. But he cant seem to find how to get there. Its the darkness in him.

If he is your true mate please dont give up on him.

I dont know wut would of really happened if My husband had given up on me..

Gods love......

07/07/2009 12:08 AM
Posts: 5

Thanks Purple. It really helps to hear it from someone else's perspective. I never feel like I am burdened by my husband, I truely love him and would do anything for him. He has also been there for me through the death of both my parents, so he isn't bad, he is just really sick. It sounds like your husband and you have a lot of love for each other and that is truely inspiring. Thank you and God bless! Smile

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