Bipolar Support Group

I came to this site initially seeking insight into my boyfriend who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder years ago and is still doing the "figuring out the meds" dance. When he finally got the right help, I was scared of the meds he was taking, scared that when he got 'better' he'd be a completely different person, scared he wouldn't get better, you name it, I was scared of it. One thing I've learned is to take things one day at a time.

As far as a history of my life, it's hard to really keep straight in my mind. I've always been deeply (some might say overly) emotional. I think I had my first deep depression around the time I was fourteen or fifteen. I didn't get any help for a number of reasons and it lifted (judging from my journals from that time) a couple months after it started.

The next three or four years after that have very few clear memories. The ones I do have aren't all that pleasant. I mean, they were fun times, but not fond memories for the most part. I'm also not entirely sure when I started having panic attacks, but they eventually got so bad that I finally got help a few months after my eighteenth birthday.

Admittedly, at that time, the only doctor I'd ever dealt with was my pediatrician, so it seemed natural to go to him with this panic issue since I trusted him, etc. The result: Prozac which kept me up all night, killed my appetite, and made the panic attacks worse. I stopped taking it, no questions asked.

Two years, a failed relationship, and a new boyfriend (see above) later, the panic attacks are still hanging around and getting worse. I go back to the pediatrician at the urging of the therapist I'd begun seeing (who had pretty strong convictions that I had simple depression)and this time walk away with a script for Zoloft. Same effect, this time accompanied by hallucinations.

This time (around January of this year) I stop taking the pills and start seeing an actual psychiatrist who actually asks questions about the panic attacks and prescribes Buspar which helps A LOT. I can't really recall how, but she also comes to the conclusion that I have ADD and prescribes Adderall which did nothing except cancel the Buspar.

I just realized this is getting tedious so I'll jump to the last couple months. Now, as of earlier this week, I'm taking Xanax XR for the panic attacks and Risperidone for the other symptoms I currently have. My therapist said she's suspected since January that I have bipolar disorder to which I said "Why didn't you mention that sooner!?" Apparently my actions have been speaking for me a little louder than I'd prefer they did. And of course it's all perfectly clear in retrospect.

I asked a question a couple weeks ago about how to tell my boyfriend with bipolar disorder that I have it as well and got great responses from you guys and from him when I finally got up the nerve to just tell him. Unfortunately the exboyfriend didn't take it nearly as well so if any one has read this far is there any advice for explaining my actions to him or should I just let it be water under the bridge?

Anyway, I think that sums up why I'm here and I'll go ahead and warn you guys that I have A LOT of questions. Hopefully once I get some of this figured out I'll be able to be as helpful as everyone else seems to be.

Raechelle.

I like your sense of humor, sweetie. Glad you joined us.

Ask as many questions as you would like, read the discussions and post in them at will, and make yourself at home.

Remember we are not medical professionals. We try and leave getting a definitive diagnosis and treatment up to the good folks who are health care professionals.

However, many of us have bipolar disorder and have lived with it for years. We support each other. Laugh together, cry together, nudge each other toward a healthy life, and sometimes even have a disagreement or two. All in the spirit of providing a place that gives support. Hope you come to love it here.

Post edited by: norma, at: 06/20/2009 04:52 AM

I like your sense of humor too! After reading your statement about your sister and dog, I spit out my orange juice. LOL. I hope you find MDJ to be informative and supportive. Anytime you have questions, feel free to send me a PM anytime. I've been studying mental illness since 1991. I've also been diagnosed with bipolar since 2006 and am interested in becoming a psychiatrist. I've also had 2.5 years of training in medical transcription, so I'm pretty familiar with the various kinds of meds that are used for bipolar as well as their side effects. Anytime you have something you're curious about or do not know the answer to, I'm more than happy to help in whatever way I can.