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breakup with bipolar


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03/11/2008 14:30
verysad
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 Hi everyone. This site certainly has helped me cope with the recent breakup with my Bipolar girlfriend of over 2 years. We have been off and on since we first started dating. It's been hard i must admit. I know that I am not perfect and have made some mistakes just like everybody. When I first met her she told me of her disorder and it did not bother me at all. She has a 4 year old little girl who is just adorable and I have established a father like relationship with her. Her real father lives out of state and never sees her. My girlfriend would always talk so great about me to everyone on how good I was to her and her daughter and I loved spending time with them. We each have our own place and would spend time together most of the time like going to the zoo, the park, hang out in her back yard and grill, go out to eat, movie etc. But there were times when I just wanted some time to do things at my place or go have a drink or two with my friends. And those were the times she would get so mad at me and forget about all the good times we have had. All our friends know how great I have treated the both of them and how much I have helped her out financially since she does not receive child support. I would give my girlfriend compliments on how beautiful she looked daily. I meant every word. She truly is the most beautiful person I have been with. I would tell her how proud of her I am for graduating with her Master's degree in education and would even play with her daughter while she was on the computer for 3 hours at a time. We would go outside and hang out or just watch a movie or play games. I would even take her daughter over to my place to just hang out or watch a movie or whatever so my girlfriend could have a night out with her friends. Since she is a single mom, she doesn't get to do that. She has told all our friends that nobody has ever made her feel more wanted, told her how proud they are of her, telling her she's beautiful like I have. When she would be sad, I would be right up to her place to comfort her, cook for her, etc. Anything I could do to help her feel better. Then twice a year basically around March/April and Septemberish, we split up and she pushes me away for some small reason. But yet she still tells me that I treated her and her daughter so great. What is going on? I am just crushed. I can hardly ever see her daughter anymore whom is the closest thing I've ever had to a daughter. She still calls and texts and the other day after we split up she asked if I was seeing anyone. I'm like "no" , Hello, We have only been split up for a couple days. I still love her with all my heart I can't imagine even being with anyone else for quite awhile. I then asked her why she asked me that and she said "because if you were with anybody that soon it would really hurt". I told her it will be a long time and that it would hurt me as well if she was seeing or thought of seeing anyone this soon too. Then that Monday she called me and told me that she was set up with a guy on a date and they were meeting for supper. I paused and couldnt believe it. I said "so it would hurt you if I was seeing someone or dated someone, but what are you doing to me now?" The same thing. I told her how much that hurt and all she said was a subtle I know. Yet she still calls and texts me. She blamed me for most of everything and it just never felt like I could do anything right. What is going on?
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03/11/2008 14:41
norma
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 Welcome, to the site...I am sorry you are going through this tough time.

Lots of people here have experience and I am sure will be willing to share with you.

My gut tells me you kind of know what is going on yourself. Just need comfirmation to your instincts. If she calls you to tell you about her dates you might want to sever the relationship totally since it hurts so much. People aren't yo-yo's....you take care of yourself and your well-being...

"In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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03/11/2008 14:45
verysad
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 Thank you, Norma.

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03/11/2008 14:46
norma
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 You are welcome....so how are you doing otherwise???
"In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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03/11/2008 14:48
verysad
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 I just try to keep busy to not think about everything. It just hurts to much. I have a difficult time getting motivated to get out of bed in the morning because I am so upset.
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03/11/2008 14:50
norma
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 I have been there and it hurts like hell. There is nothing I can say to make it better, except time will heal...went through a very painful break-up thought I would never meet anyone...and voila! when I least expect it I did....
"In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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03/11/2008 14:56
verysad
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 Those are words of encouragement. I just sit and wonder though, all the things I did for her and her daughter and this is what happens. I ask her if it's over forever and all she says is just for right now. I think she is in her mania episode because the last time we were apart, she started smoking and drinking a little more. She doesn't drink much at all normally.It's like she wants me there with them all the time but then says that I should sit at my place and relax (hangout at home) or call my dad or friends to have a beer. Then if I do that it wasn't the right decision. Sometimes it seems like she twists what Im saying around to make me look like the bad guy. Then blames me. I feel like I failed

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03/11/2008 15:05
norma
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 You have not failed...you are just moving on...she keeps pulling you back...Some good advice don't concentrate on her, put pictures away or get rid of them....and do something that does not concern her...in other words put her out of your mind.
"In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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03/11/2008 16:47
amom
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 Hi verysad ,gee your name says it all I'm sorry that you are going through this its always so hard when there are children you love as if they are your own and something like this happens.Norma is right you can't let yourself be used like a yoyo.Is she on Medication if so has she been seeing a pdoc or therapist and discussing what she is going through?If she is drinking and smoking[do you mean pot]then she is self medicating and from what i have read here that usually is not a very effective way to deal with being bipolar . I'm glad you found this site there are a lot of folks here that have been very helpful to me hope they can help you get through this.

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    HELP PLEASE!!! ANYONE!!!
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03/11/2008 18:28
Gypsy
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 Hi Verysad,

I am sorry you are going through this. I would suggest you learn as much as you can about bipolar. It looks like she goes manic every 6 mos? I had the same routine in my relatioship. I was a single mom, at one time, and when My current boyfriend would threaten my independence or get to close, I would get med at him and kick him out.

I was safe on my own, i didn't have let anyone interfere with my space.

Also there is the bipolar symptoms, and they are manic, hypomanic, and depressed. Being bipolar myself, I can shift from one to the other.

So,anyway welcome to the forum.

Hang in there.

God Bless,Gypsy
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