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05/07/2009 06:32 AM

My new girlfriend is bipolar

FlyersFan27
FlyersFan27Posts: 17
Member

Hello to everyone. I need some advice please. I recently meet someone online earlier this year and we became really close friends. About a month ago, we decided to take our relationship to the next level. I plan to move to be with her soon. She has told me everything about herself from being in a very violent, abusive and controlling relatinship with her exhusband to her being bipolar. She also has 3 beautiful kids, but currrently doesn't have full custody due to a depression episode she had last year. She should be getting the children back in June or July. She is on meds for being Bipolar and she has sleep meds too and she is seeing someone for help. She is currently in the Manic phase, where she is not sleeping for 3 or 4 days at a time and is craving affection and attention from anyone she can get it from. Which is usually online in voice chat rooms. Somedays she cycles up and down in extreme ways. She has the classic symptoms of loving me one minute and not talking to me the next. This can go on for days or hours. She also says alot of things that hurt me. I am trying to take what she says with a grain of salt because I know most of the time it's the bipolar. With out me actually being there it's hard for me to help her in certain ways. I try to be understanding and compationate and I love her dearly. But, it's so hard at times for me. When I asked about her childs school play, she asked me "why do you wanna know, are you some kind of pervert". That shocked me. She has always been open and forth coming about her kids and how they are and what they are doing. Is she trying to push me away on purpose? How do I approach her with this without having her go off on me, because my expierence with her already is that it's very difficult to talk to her about things she does or says that effects me in a negative way, like her flirting with other guys. I use to get really angry because of her actions, but now I sometimes just cry because it hurts and then I want to help her so bad, but I don't know what to say or do without getting into an argument.
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05/07/2009 07:37 AM
Darknessiss
Darknessiss  
Posts: 404
Member

Wow! Hi there FlyersFan27, I feel bad for you from what I've read you really care about this girl but she is having mood-swings and is very irritable and paranoid, classic mania symptoms, not fun to experience at all.

I get like that all the time, I hate the daily mood swings, shifting from happy and positive to anxious, irritable and paranoid! My meds are not working for me anymore, I definitely need a medication adjustment.

I believe that all of these daily personality changes are from my Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), not from Bipolar Disorder.

Maybe your girlfriend has an undiagnosed personality disorder as well as Bipolar? If that is the case and she doesn't get some help for it, you are in for some really bad times with her.

Good luck with your relationship, I hope it works out for both of you.

Cheers!

-Dark

Smile Darkside


05/13/2009 05:28 AM
FlyersFan27
FlyersFan27Posts: 17
Member

Update:

She went to her tdoc yesterday and he advised her not to get involved with anyone right now, to wait until at least until August or September to revaluate if she is ready for one. That would give her a year in therapy. Also, he told her to stop the flirting because that could lead to bad things. So as of right now we will remain close friends and I will be supportive for her like I always have been. I told her I still love her and she told me she still loves me, but it's not going to happen right now. She has apologized for leading me on and showed remorse, which is a good thing. Of course it will be really hard for me to just be close friends again, but I will have to do this if I still want her in my life. I also told her when she is ready, I will be here for her.


05/13/2009 05:38 AM
cherokeef34
cherokeef34  
Posts: 755
Senior Member

you are a good person dont give up on people you love.

05/13/2009 07:51 PM
suzette
suzette  
Posts: 70
Member

Flyersfan27: I can relate what your going thru. However, what I have been told over and over again, is that you have to take care of yourself meaning making sure your ok. I have done much research, and all, and the bf is bipolar. They have to get enough sleep, eat right,stress will send them into some sort of episode, and they MUST NOT DRINK ALOT. I believe the bf is in an episode cause of the lack of sleep on the road being he's a truck driver, and his money situation. He was home since friday night and have never seen him this bad. He told me he knows he says things that hurt me and he doesn't do it intentially, he said he would never hurt me ... You have to take it with a grain of salt whatever they do, you can't take it personally either, just blow it off. It can be trying at times , but I have done it for 3 years it'll be in july. He's not violient, but can be voltile, very crabby, cold, flat. I know he's having some sort of episode now, but I have learned to disconnect myself from it and not take it personally, and that's what you have to do Flyersfan27. Take care of you, come in here for support, do your research on bipolar or whatever she has, and go from there, be there for her, love her, but don't lose yourself. The bf said he knows how much I love him, and I do, and love to do little things just to let him know that... This is a great place for support and you can easily make a friend, I know I have.

05/14/2009 05:24 AM
FlyersFan27
FlyersFan27Posts: 17
Member

suzette, I know exactly what you are saying. I've been told by her sister the same things, as in what to do if she says hurtful things. I've kinda managed to do that, really quickly. But what is hurting me the most is this, "now lets be friends" thing and the things she has said to me and doesn't remember any of it, the good things or bad things and wanting me to move to be with her and now she basically doesn't. The flirting with other guys, is bad too. She says she doesn't instigate the flirting, but I've heard her do it. yet she denies it. Now she has 4 or 5 guys sending IM's all day and she can't handle the attention, that she brought upon herself. Onee guy who is married, has kids is staking her, as I see it. Which is really scary. She tells me not to tell other people about herself or us, in the same chat rooms we are in online, yet she blabs to other guys about herself and her life and then wonders why they are all over her and gets mad when other people are all in her business. But yet, I have to let all that go, because she and I are just friends now and she is her own woman and makes her own decisions in life. So, I will have to wait and see what she does within the next few months. Comes back to me or seeks someone elses attention.

05/14/2009 06:51 AM
suzette
suzette  
Posts: 70
Member

flyerfan27, I couldn't stick around if I knowingly new he was seeking other womens attention. We were apart for a short period of time, we broke up, and he came back to me in Nov. I want to help you, so the way I do that with people is tell them about my knowledge and my experiences. Each case is a little different, more similar, the same, the exact, or what not. He told me in a round about way that he was bipolar when we first met, he said he has periods where he's numb, doesn't feel. Anyway, he came back to me in Nov, I was sooooooo happy that he did, he told me he had more feelings for me than he was letting on before, and things have been great, they are great, but he has that condition. He really has had a lack of sleep being on the road these past couple of months, so that's a big factor with him. He told me before he came home that we have to talk about a few things, and I said what about, he said we'll talk about it when he gets home,I asked if I did something wrong, he said we'll talk when I get home, I asked if we are alright he said yes why, he said we'll talk when i get home, so I sit in suspense till he gets home.Turns out, he's having alot of finanically difficulty, he's dead tired, and he said he wants to go to another company and try get something that he'll be home every weekend. I said all you had to do is say that to me on the phone, and he said he's been on the verge of crying alot. After months of I love you, I love you, I love you, lets get married one day, that's plan a future, I want to give you a baby, now there lays uncertian now for the last couple of weeks, I have found that strange, he doesn't know how he feels,and we talked about it when he came home, and he said there's nobody else, he's not going to do what he did before, he couldn't do that to me again, but is afraid to fully commit to me right now and doesn't know when that's going to change, and I told him I am in no hurry which is the truth when I say it, I just want to be with him. He said he knows I love him enough to marry him if he asked me, and I thought that was a cocky remark.... You must remember that it's the condition that is doing this to her with the flip flopping, but I am just not sure about the seeking attention from others part. I told the bf, if he does again what he did before I am gone forever, and don't look back, and he said he won't, and I said then I'll always be by your side then and he has no worries, and he said he knows that there's nobody but him in my life, and I said your right. I have been told that the seeking others attention can't be blamed on the bipolar, I am not sure, I am not a professior, I am simply a woman with knowledge and knowledge is power and a confort. He at times takes away what he says and replaces it with something else, and I have called him on it ;then, he owns up to it. I am not saying this is the case with you, but we all have our issues, and I just think it's a mixture with the issues and the bipolar with him, not sure about her. I have spent alot of time peicing the puzzle together and the time and it's rewarding, but you have to leave the puzzle alone after a while and take care of you, and without thinking about it all the time, the peices come together. I would advise you to come in here for insight, and for comfort, that's what I did, and it did help. I haven't been on here for quite a while, but I just figured, I'd see what everyone is saying, and maybe help a fellow member like someone helped me.Cool Smile Tongue

Post edited by: suzette, at: 05/14/2009 06:54 AM


05/14/2009 07:17 AM
taurus
taurusPosts: 2893
Senior Member

You do have to take care of yourself right. It sounds like you've been run through the ringer with her. SO take this time do things you haven't been doing because you've been so caught up in her life. He should not be flirting and I would not tolerate it. There is no excuse for that. Read about bipolar and come on this site to vent or get suggestions. Everything will work out one way or another.

05/14/2009 09:12 AM
FlyersFan27
FlyersFan27Posts: 17
Member

suzette, I understand what you are saying about her flirting. She says her therapist told her, the reason why she is flirting comes from her childhood, when she did not get the attention then and is seeking it now. So, her flirting has nothing to do with her being bipolar and he did tell her to stop it. But the damage is already done, with multiple guys trying to get and hold her attention now and now she has a hard time of letting that go, even though she says she is tired of it all. I can also relate to what your bf has done by calling you and telling you, that you two need to talk. She has done that to me too, sending me IM's at work doing the same thing and then finding out it's all about nothing, while the whole time I am beating myself up thinking what did I say or do now to upset her or she wouuld call my cell phone while at work and start to have a serious conversation about something, when I tell her this isn't the time. And yes, I've been through the I love you, I love you, lets get married and have a child too, and then lets be friends. Which just happened. But I think you are right about leaving the "puzzle" for awhile and while she doesn't want to be "involved" with me, I should concentrate on myself and let her do her own thing and not worry to much. I figure she will come back to me, when she comes to her senses.

05/14/2009 10:04 AM
cherokeef34
cherokeef34  
Posts: 755
Senior Member

yes work on your self friend ypou dont desserve that either,i am biopolor i know that isnt a way to treat others,work on you,self healing helps to.
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