living with a bi polar person

My Story:

I met Tyson 6 1/2 years ago. He has just been diagnoised with BP. After seeing a SW he believes he's been this way his entire life and it has gotten a lot worse the last year. I can't tell you the countless fights we have had over the littlest things. Or how many broken doors we have had to replace because of his anger. I used to think he had anger issues and needed help. From what i've read anger is a part of it. Am I right?

For about 9 months or so he has been unemployed. In his mind nothing goes right, he never does anything correct and he could always do better at work. Even though his bosses are very impressed with the job hes done. So I am left to support us working 2 jobs and doing all the chores in the house. It's exhausting enough to work 65+ hour weeks, cook and clean let alone deal with the constant issues of a bp person. I feel like anytime he is upset about not having money, there being no food in the house, the dishes are not done or their is nothing for him to wear (even though he leaves the house only for dr appt.) that it is my fault. I know that it is not but my thought is maybe if I worked a few more hours or stayed up a hour later to finish the chores things would be better. Every morning when I go to work, I walk out the door hoping that when I come home in 10 hours that he will still be alive and didn't try to or didnt kill himself.

I find myself not taking care of myself and sacificing my own well being by not going to my own dr appointment to deal with my high blood pressure because three of my co-pays are his one appointment. And if i just stick it out for a few more months (this is 5 months later) I'll be able to go to the doctor and address my issues once he gets better. A few people feel I should up and leave him. I do love this man and we are engaged for two years now. I do want to spend the rest of my life with him but I guess I want to know what is it like years down the road once the right medication has been prescribed? I've read the divorce rate for a person that is bi polar is 5x more likely. That scares the crap out of me. This is the man I want to grow old with. Any suggestions or information you have at all would be greatly appreciated.

-Debbie

first, please try to take care of yourself. you can't take care of someone else if you don't take care of yourself.

second, please get some professional help.

third, think long and hard before you marry someone who is bp unless they are stable. i hope i don't offend anyone here. This is just my opinion, marriage is a serious committment, best entered into by two people who are able to make that committment. It might be better to wait until he is more stable and can contribute to the marriage.

i hope everything works out for you. n

My name is Red, I am the husband of a bipolar wife, married 25 years. My wife was diagnosed with bipolar 8 years ago.

To start with, everyting is not your fault, this is a comon deception. You need to take care of yourself. This includes going to the doctor yourself. You have to stay healty both mentally and physically in order to be of any help to him. You may want to seek counciling yourself to help you with understanding what is going on and learn some coping methods.

You cannot work hard enough or long enough to fix the problems. He needs to take responsibility for his own health and actions. What you can do is prompt him to go to the doctor, prompt him to take his meds, etc.

And for the questioning if he will still be there (alive) when you get home. Get him to get in touch with his doctor and explain what is happening. Meds and or med adjustments can help with this.

You are not alone, we are here to talk, listen and visit with any time.

RED

Love

Gloria

Love

Gloria

I'll give you a bit more info. He is seeing a SW- he's gone three times so far which they go on a sliding fee since he is not currently working and has not been for 9+ months. It's 50.00 a visit. That's not bad at all but its still a lot when you are the only one providing. He is going to be put on meds this Wednesday. The Sw wanted to first diagnose him to see if it was depression or more to it than that. As far as the suicide goes he does mention "i hope i don't wake up" sort of thing. I take every threat very very seriously. I did come home early one day because he called me crying to find a knife in his hand. I sat in the first session w. him and the sw does know all of this. That is one of the reasons why I went in with him. She needed to know everything. One of the "brighter" things is he currently has no addiction to drinking, drugs or gambling. So that is a plus. I have read that some people do have those kinds of addictions.

I've though very long and hard about marring him. Its not something I'm taking lightly. We've been engaged for 2 years. What stopped us from getting married right away was the money. So I got a part time job to pay for the wedding. As things progressed the money for the wedding turned into money to pay the bills. If he was not willing to get help, I wouldn't still be wearing my engagement ring. He knows he can't fix this by himself- which he thought he could do. And is very willing to go get help. Money is our only issue with him getting help. I'm all for him seeing this sw as much as he feels he needs to. And once he gets this under control we will then talk about getting married. I'm very willing to be his rock to hold him up as long as he takes the meds. I know it will be several months before I even see a slight change. But the fact is, is that he is trying. When I said I would marry him, it's for better or worse. Right now we are just at a "worse" stage at the moment. I just need to take it day by day. Everyday passes is one day closer to him getting better.

As for me. I was seeing a therapist to let things out. And I haven't seen her in about 4 months now. I don't feel I am depressed, but i need to let things out to someone other than family who are already worried. That too stopped because of the money issue. I was seeing her twice a month and I did feel better. I know I do need to take care of myself both physically and mentally. right now money is so tight its hard for me to think of myself.

You have to think of yourself, money or no money, being here will at least give you a safe place to come and talk, with others who understand about where you are now, and where you have been.

lOVE

Gloria