impatient picking one apart, to were is not even called for in the slightist manner. I can give you all that have to deal with someone like me a big secret: IT is "me" us,! bipoler disabaled loveones that have the problem are theones with this ugly crap going on inside . NOT YOU!!!! It is a battle inside ones body and if your ten feet from us you will feel the pain... I'm working at some real self disicipline, and trying to work will diffrent meds but if you ask me nothing works good enough!!!! I beleave the lord above will help me keep thing togather Cuz nomatter how hard i try i aways blow it real godd and it's hard to just bounce back. But if my wife can keep her sanity it gives me hope . Mut let me tell you all somthing for Real, If Amy left me tomarow I wouldent Blame her, for not loving me cuz she has stayed with me and dont deserve her uncoditional self sacifing love for me. I must have some good things that she holds on to. keep forgiving my flaws. their is so much to say about this disorder, it would take me three month with all that goes on in a bi-polar brain. well i'm going to bed write me, if you think i might be able to help in any way i can, i will write to any e-mail to me as soon as possibloe. with pride and respect for family and friens for their support for you love one with this screwed up defect in the chemicals of our brain. Jaybird

I'm with ya here! IT is so tough, much tougher as time goes by for me as I try to find the right medication with the help of a good doctor.

I'm 51 and my life has fallen apart. I married another very codependent person and when I went for counseling, he began to get violent with me and tried to hurt me and my sons. He was just uncomfortable with the new healthier outlook I had and could no longer manipulate me. Regardless, I continued the counseling to get rid of all the built up guilt and props to keep me artificial. He filed divorce and now, three years later, sees how much healthier I am and wants to ask me out and be my friend again. He's so biased about mental illnesses, brain chemistry malfunctions included, that he is still an a__ towards me and won't acknowledge me as a person still. Sooooo.....

You are one very blessed man to still have that wonderful woman to give you what you call her unconditional love. That's why it's still coming -it's unconditional. If it's truly unconditional it will always be there for you! How wonderful!

I still need help and encouragement when I get angry so I talk with my friends and family when I begin to get angry to help me minimize the damage I may do with the irrational part of the bi-polar stuff. I let them know when I'm an untouchable and hope they stay away from the fire. I kinda retreat and tell them why as I go.

I'm just dealing with a terribly destructive bout of mania which has wrecked my finances and nearly sent me to the hospital. I'm off the medication that was contributing to the problem as of yesterday and will begin a new treatment which my doctor has told me is the most effective for the bi-polar patients she's had in her many years of helping.

Good Blessings to you in your journey, too. We are never alone. Just ask and there will be someone here to say, Hi and affirm you.

C.

I think I might be a lot like your Amy. Tonight was another late night with my beloved Angie. She's so down, having a really hard time with her brand new seroquel prescription, and decided she was going to stop taking the meds. I think she's only been on them five or six days, but she refused to take any tonight. First, it was because she hated the way I held onto the bottle (I already had to keep her from ripping up the prescription at one point), then because they weren't working, then because they were working so much she feels like a zombie, and then because the sleepiness side effect is too awful. It soon became clear that the meds weren't all she was dissatisfied with. She didn't want ME around, she didn't want my help, she didn't want to talk to me, or hold me, or have me near her at all. She tried to convince me that I should leave her, and that there was no possibility for us to be happy, ever. She accused me of cheating on her. This is the girl who told me, three nights ago, that she loved me more than anybody or anything on the planet.

It was a horrible night for me, so I KNOW it was a living hell for Angie. I finally gave up on helping her sleep, and left, stopping to sing to her outside her bedroom window (a last-ditch attempt to break through her darkness). She reached up and touched the windowpane between us with her perfect, little fingers. I think she knows the memory of her fingers responding to my singing will keep me hanging on to her forever. She'd better know that.

Jaybird, you have to know that Amy sees something amazing in you, and stays with you because of that. The way she treats you, that's what love really looks like, it turns out. Anytime you feel strong enough to show her your love, DO IT. Give her whatever you've got. A little goes a long way, my man. Sometimes, you only have to touch the windowpane with your fingers.

That was so well written. Honestly it’s those small things that make my whole world come together.

Jaybird is a wonderful husband and I look forward to growing old…er with him. I am well aware of his ups and downs. I try to never focus too much attention on the downs but there are days when this emotional creature here, ME, can get caught up in the stupidest feelings. I too can be a pain and say things that hurt. I don’t mean them and I try to hold them back. I guess for me the question is how do I get Jaybird, to understand that I too am going to have bad days? I was feeling insecure and allowed myself to feel a bit hurt and ignored and the worst thing I could do was be confrontational and then it all went down from there.

I am hoping that maybe someone out there can help me mend this break in communication. Jay and I have so much love for each other and I reacted to feeling insecure. It’s not his fault completely either. I felt a little emotional the past few days and I allowed myself to get caught up in an emotion that could have been better handled other ways. How do I get him to understand that I am naturally going to make mistakes too but that I love him and don’t mean to overreact to something so little?

Someone once wrote:

“I am human, therefore I error”

Thank you all for your postings and for sharing your honest feelings and concerns. I am learning so much from everyone and having a place to have my husband freely share his feelings and thoughts is just a pure blessing. This has been a fantastic tool for couples dealing with bipolar issues as well. Being bipolar doesnt mean you dont deserve love.

Post edited by: amersnjay, at: 08/09/2007 17:17

from the bi polar point of view- Just the other day my husband said something to me that I took completely wrong and then began to blow it out of proportion. That day my dear husband was also having a bad day.He said he thinks he woke up wrong and the fact that my 15month old cried for 45 minutes while I ran errands. So we're at the doctor's office for my son and I am steady at it saying mean stuff and all he did was sit there and not say a word. He said later that he was zoning out. Tuning out everything around him. We didn't say anything to each other for the rest of the time we were there. So finally we left and I still was being ugly and he just drove home. THis continued all day, though eventually I did leave it alone. Other than talking about the kids, or dinner we didn't really talk until bed time. THis morning we woke up and rated the situation on a scale of 1 to 10 and this would rate if it deserved a "talk" about it. THat's when he told me that he had just had a bad day and explained to me that I had taken what he said wrong. I apologized.explained I had a bad bipolar day(i'm manic right now). And then the issue was dropped. I'm sure it was hard for him not to say anything mean but he had gone into his "bipolar free zone". Some days for him its harder than others to get to his "zone" and on those days we can both be pretty mean to each other and say hurtful things.

To both amersnjay and jaybird not every day is gonna be a perfect day but you can try to at least make them bearable by respecting each others feelings.

Jaybird-I know its hard to remember that other people can get emotional too. I know when I get emotional I tend to forget about others feelings. and remember that your wife experiences "aunt flow" every month and should be sensitive to that.

amersnjay- Being a woman you are gonna have days that you feel insecure and low. Express that to jaybird. If you can find your "bipolar free zone" whether it be in your mind, place, or activity.

blessings