does she really care about family

Am I being totally used? Should I be setting boundaries on her behavior? She is not the only one who has problems. I have problems (health issues and family issues) that I am trying to deal with, with no support network. I always figure that if I have no support network for my problems, the least people can do is not add to the burden! ie I dont care if someone doesnt care, just dont make it worse.

Any insights???

I feel for you and your sister. This disease certainly affects the whole family. I will try and share with you my experience when I am getting manic and manic. The bottom line is it's me against the whole world. My problems are the only problems I can deal with because they are usually so big to me when I am sick.

I believe that when I am sick I am much different than when I am well. When I am well I am a very giving loving person, when I am sick I am very selfcentered and usually afraid. I grew up in a home where my father was very sick, I had some compassion for him growning up but nothing like the compassion and understanding I got when I got sick.

I would encourage you to try and be there for your sister and not expect anything from her right now. I am sure you have other healthy relationships where you can get your needs met. It sounds like she can't be there for you in the way you want her to be.

I know for myself I had to crash and burn fourteen years ago before I would even consider the fact that I had this disease.

If you can't be there for her you can always pray for her and know that I will be praying for you both.

Blessings,

Maureen

For one thing - she has always been like this. Going back about 30 years. We never get any periods of sweetness and light where she acts caring towards her family. NEVER. Even when I was going through some pretty distressing things (father in law dying of cancer, mother dying of cancer, father with Alzheimers, postpartum depression, divorce) I guess this is what makes me think she doesnt care. I mean - you would think that once in 25 or 30 years she would actually be nice and caring? Or that she would stop talking about herself long enough to ask how my father in law was doing. But that never happened.

Could this be because she is untreated. Could she actually be rapid cycling through her moods, so much that there is never any periods of normal?

My brother and I are worried about her, mainly because we have lost both parents in past couple of years. My father actually still living except his mind is completely gone to Alzheimers.

Also - I have a limited support group, therefore a very limited number of healthy relationships I can rely on. Twenty years ago I moved to another province to get married. We live in a really small town, but if you are not 'born' here it can be a very difficult place to make friends. It has actually taken me this long to develop a support network 1/4 the size of the one I had in my hometown. Most of my really close friends are still thousands of miles away. A lot of the time I feel pretty isolated, and that I have to be very strong on my own to deal with my problems. Like when my mother was dying of cancer I was pretty much abandoned by my church, my in-laws and the community. And on top of it, I had to deal with my sister being nasty to me and my brother. Eventually a few close friends helped out, but it gets to be pretty unbearable at times trying to cope with everything.

I am so sorry you have been hurt by so many. I am so glad that there were some placed in your path to help. It is so difficult moving away from family and friends...our support group. I know, I have moved four times in twelve years, all to different states.

What has helped me? Seeing where I can help others. I know it sounds strange, but when I am there to help someone else I forget about myself for a little while. I know if I plant compassion, joy, hope, understanding, love it will have to come back to me. It is the law of nature.

This forum has helped me tremendously. The community I live in is like living in Stepford City, there are no problems here. But we all know that everyone has problems. But it is very hard for me to share with anybody the pain of being sick again, except here. I have found a lighthouse in the storm to come and heal and be tended to. I will also start counseling soon so I can start picking up the pieces of my life with the help of a professional. For me I will hopefully read from my Book that I have put aside since my sickness. I feel like God has abandoned me and left me unprotected.

I am glad you are here. My dad was sick from the time I was three and I always wanted him to be different, to be there for me, to be loving and kind and supportive. I now realize that he just couldn't be and since his passing I am grateful I could love him anyway.

I will be praying for you CherylAnn and your sister.

Blessings,

Maureen

Your sister could very well be bipolar. But, in hearing you describe her (sounds like) selfish, "me-centered" behavior, it occured to me that you might be seeing signs of borderline personality disorder in her.

Here is link to the NIMH website that gives a lot of good information about BPD:

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline- personality-disorder.shtml

I have bipolar but I also have suffered from borderline. There is a very effective, specific therapy for people who suffer from BPD called DBT (stands for Dialectical Behavior Therapy). There is hope. Your sister can change and learn to be more "others-centered" and can learn how to disentangle herself from the drama of her own creating.

I am praying for you and your sister, and hope that you will find peace in dealing with all of your issues.

and my Dad who has had many major depressive episodes.