A Story of Hope

I want to join in to praise you on the articulate, creative, and sensitive way in which you have described your journey.

I want to thank you for offering an example of how early and earnest attention to your problem has, thus far, enabled you to experience remission, rather than ongoing pain and suffering from your disease--for demonstrating how early reaction to the presence of the disease can have a positive impact on its prognosis.

I want to thank you most of all for underscoring the need to use the experience of others as a mirror to see ourselves--others, including not only our parents and family but also others like ourselves. You have reinforced for me the importance of identifying myself, ironically not by looking inside me, rather by looking inside others, by sharing with others, and by helping others.

Finally, you have emphasized the psychic and spiritual foundation necessary to recovery--the necessary change, not in my fundamental identity, but change in the attitudes, beliefs, and reactions which have always "gone with" that identity.

Thank you.

With kindest regard,

Jim

I have felt more alone these past two months than I have since 14 years ago when I first got sick. I am lying low-I don't really want to go out or talk to anyone but family. Fortunately I feel better when I come here. Thanks for walking with me through the darkness.

Maureen

I made the decision to hire this woman, as she really seemed to have a knack for working with young children. I knew that none of my staff were ever alone with the children, so I did not worry about a toddler getting hurt, and crying, and her not hearing the child. It was interesting in that these children, from 12 months old to 24 months old, learned that if they wanted to talk to her, they had to get her attention first. Most would gently touch her face and make sure she was looking at them before they began talking.

She did a wonderful job with the children. Interestingly, I had several complaints from parents on how I could hire "a person like that". People with any type of difference are often unfairly criticized. I also found that we often fear what is different, and do not know how to respond.

Perhaps your paster had a vision of you having some kind of "full blown bipolar episode" (whatever she thinks that would look like) and was afraid of not being able to help you. It would have been interesting to point out to her that there were certainly members in her congregation who were bipolar, who did not have the comfort level to speak about it. Her reaction is a perfect example of why they felt this way.

Sometimes a person needs a gentle push to see how they are viewing things. She probably thought she was "helping" you by not being your "support person". She will never know how wrong that is!

Thanks for sharing a beautiful story.

Karen

I relate To your story in many ways. My dad is an untreated bipolar.

He has been an alcaholic and drug addict for most of his life. I have always worried about him, and was resentful towards o him and the disease. Your story made me cry, too.

I became so much like him. I am also 5 yrs sober, and just got diagnosed 10 mos ago. I was also resistant in taking meds because of my sobriety. I was worried about what other people would think of me.

I have been scared lately, because, I have tried many different meds, and I am still having manic episodes. I have put my my family through so much already. I have had the paranoia, and have accused my boyfriend of all kinds of stuff. I am now on Lithium, and it isn't working very well. I have been in a bad place lately, too.

I have pushed my boyfrined out of the house, and am afraid to bring him back. I am afraid there is no hope here. I am afraid I will never get better. I just want to give up, and live in my misery.

I know, I wont be in this place forever.

Your story nailed it on the head, and helped me not feel so alone in this place, I have been since, I have been diagnosed. I am still in that place of remorse, and sadness, and fear. I had hope when,I first went to get help. I wanted to get better, and wa acared if, I didn't, I wouldn't be there for my family. It's a process, and I guess, I just have to walk through it. I have experience in recovery, and keep close to god. I believe god saved my life. So, I will get through this. It's just hard, sometimes. I want to just give up. Maybe this is the surrender, I need.

Your story gave me inspiration, and hope. If, I keep praying, and applying my tool to my life, It will get better. It's in god's time not mine.

Thankyou.

Godbless, Gypsy

Gypsy, when I first started on Lithium it did not seem to work for me. I was so depressed when I came out of the hospital for MONTHS. I was also taking prozac. I was hospitalized in January and didnt venture out except for meetings until that October. That is when I started to feel better. It was a miracle I was stabel for fourteen years. I think going to my 12 step program has helped a lot. I believe me helping others and sharing my experience, strength and hope has SAVED MY LIFE. I do believe God has carried me and still carries me.

Its funny but I havent been to a f2f meeting in about a week. I just feel like damaged goods. Different from the other alkies. But I had a sponsee call me yesterday for my thoughts on something and it made me feel SOOOO GOOOOOD. So I am going to a meeting tomorrow at noon. You all are my accountability partners in this!

I love you------I am so thankful for you------you are helping me save my sanity. I dont think you know how special each and everyone of you are to me. (Oh I can feel some eye rolling and that's okay, I love you too!) I am so thankful that this time around I have a place to come where I don't feel like a misfit toy most days and on the days I do you love me back anyway and tell me I'm okay.

Oh how good it feels to have some gratitude back in my heart.

Love ya,

Maureen

Today, I was feeling the same way. I finally got off the computer, and journalled, cleaned my house, and hung out wiyh my kids.

I called a friend and went to two meetings. It helped a lot. It always helps to get out of myself. I felt like a misfit fior a while after, I got on meds, but, i ended up meeting a bunch of people in recovery who were diagnosed and were on meds, too. I met another one, tonight with 13 yrs. One man, I know has 37 yrs of sobriety, and was diagnosed 5 yrs ago.

They have shares in meetings about their experience with this illness.

I feel now, that ,I have an opportunity to help others now. I don't bring it up at meeting level, but, if someone happens to mention it, I can be of help.

Did you know we have a dual diagnosis forum on MDjunction? This probably a good conversation for that forum as well.

Anyway, I hope thing get better for you,

Godbless, Gypsy

I have lived all my life being different, diagnosed at 26, I am 49 now.

Thanks for telling the bipolar story so well.