c3fernan
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I have also been with my live-in boyfriend who I suspect may have hypomania for a year and a half. He told me when he first started dating that he had been diagnosed bi-polar, but that it was a bogus diagnosis and he had been off of his meds for many months and felt fine. I trusted this assessment because he studied psychology, was anti-med med like I was, and because...well, he seemed to have a perfectly appropriate moods to me. Later I noticed he would get very agitated and hyper....spending large amounts of money on things he would never use or need, having outbursts, inflated ego, being unusually cold, and ranting inappropriately to friends, family and even complete strangers. I just figured he was having bad moods like everyone else until I realized those characteristics were not at all like his usual personality, funny, loving, sweet, smart, tactful, warm and kind hearted. Pretty soon these bad moods became a social problem; like when he would blow up at me and humiliate me in front of my friends. This truly caused me so much grief and heartbreak because people were not getting to see the really sweet and gentle person he was most of the time and because I could tell he was unhappy in these horrible states of mind. Finally the last straw was when we had dinner with my family and his family. He exhibited over-the-top agitated hypomanic characteristics. The low point was when my mother (and best friend) gave me a look from across the dinner table like her heart was breaking for me....and for the first time ever in our intensely loving and romantic year and a half together, I wished we weren't together. That night I told him I give up. That I loved him far too much to leave him and that I was just going to have to accept his degrading and humiliating outburst as the cost for our 98% perfectly happy and loving relationship. He has since promised to work really hard on being self-aware and completely stopping those behaviors before they start. I really just love everything about his personality, I don't think it's possible to love someone more. The only thing I dont love is the sporadic horrible moods swings which I try to remind myself don't reflect his personality at all and reflect what I'm sure is a chemical imbalance that truly is torturous for him. We'll work through it and I try to remain hopeful that he'll prove himself a kind person to my family. Until then, he has some trust to earn in me, which I'm sure he'll be able to do because, despite our struggles, he's never let me down yet. |
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