Bipolar Support Group

Some days are good...And when they are good, they are really good...Some days are bad...And when they are bad...They are really bad...

Can anyone relate? I have been married to Matt for almost 9 years and we share 4 children together. All but one (our beautiful surprise) were concieved pre-diagnosis.

It was easy to fall in love with Matt. His untreated/undiagnosed disease made him fun and spontanious. We would talk for hours about anything and everything. It was a whirl-wind romance to say the vary least. A few months after we began dating we became pregnant with our daughter. We were so happy and excited. We married just a few short months later.

Three children and 6 roller-coaster years later Matt had a serious deprssive incident that put him in the hospital. He was diagnosed with Bipolar. It was so hard to hear that diagnosis. I am not judgmental, but I also know that so many people are. I was embarressed that I had allowed myself to be in such a disfunctional relationship for so long, and I was scared that either I would play "mother" to my husband for the rest of my life, or that I would end up a single mom destined to spend the rest of my life without the man I so wanted to spend the rest of my days with.

Medications have made a difference. It is better anyway. However, some things have not gotten better.

I long for a partner. Most days I feel more like his mother. I want to share the responsibility of our house and kids. I want him to discuss things with me. Instead I am met with someone who either says nothing when we are in disagreement or is so angry he justs says mean and hurtful things.

Anyway...Just wondering if I am alone in this...

Sincerly, Me

You are not alone. You are fortunate that he is taking medication. This is a very serious illness. And as bad as it can be for us, it is nothing compared to what they go thru. If you read thru the posts in here you will learn a lot about this illness and meet a lot of great people. Welcome.

Hi, welcome to the group. I the bipolar in my family so I can't relate to your side of the story. I can tell you about my bipolar. When you met your husband he was probably hypomanic. When I am hypomanic I am fun loving and spontaneous. I can chat for hours and need little to no sleep. When I become depressed I sometimes become suicidal. I want to sleep all of the time. When I am stable I am neither up nor down. Just kind of blah somewhere in the middle.

When you met your husband he was not deceiving you about his personality. That WAS his personality during that time. When I am hypomanic I used to think it would last forever and not know about the psychosis and the darkness to come. I didn't get my diagnosis until I was 44.

I hope you learn to love ALL of your husband. Here is the link to a group you might would like in additon to this one. I wish you and your husband all the happiness in the world.

http://www.mdjunction.com/bipolar-in-the-family

I would recommend that you read "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder" by Julie Fast. It's a wonderful book that discusses the challenges couples face when one or both members have bipolar.

Post edited by: neondreams, at: 02/27/2009 18:23

I no the feeling, it can be a living hell. It can also consume us spouses. My wife of 7 years togethar 14 left on Jan.14 and has not spoken to me since. The minute theres any kind of tension she just walks away, its like dealing with a kid. We own a home that always took to incomes to keep going. Its seems that she could care less that I barley have money to feed myself. This disease has destroyed are marriage. I,m at my wits end and I dont want to but most likely I will be filing for divorce. I,m sick of the lies and the I need me time crap.

Livingwithmatt, welcome to the group. Having a bipolar loved one is hard, but it is not impossible. My wife (bipolar) and I have been married for 25 years. As long as he is seeing the docs and taking meds there is always hope. Learn as much as you can about bipolar. Join in anywhere.

GOD BLESS

RED

Thank you all for responding to my post...This really could be a great outlet for me...Maybe if I can just write down my thoughts on the bad days I may feel a little better.

I do feel lucky that Matt is willing to take his medication. I also know it could be so much worse for us.

I have a question...Because of this illness, am I destined to always be in a "maternal role" with my husband? Will I always have to wonder if he is telling me the truth?

I feel like I should have tried to learn more 2 years ago, when he was diagnosed. I have been spending my time pretending that everything is ok. It is easy to do when things are going good. But it makes the bad times so much worse, because it's almost like I have to realize all over again that he has this disease. At least I have figured out what doesn't work, huh?

Anyway, thanks again!

HUGS Livin, eternal maternal... NO! Once stability is found (w/ aid of pdoc, therapist, and meds that work for him) the relationship will be able to grow again. It may not be the relationship that it was, but the posibility for it to blossom into something much deeper is significant. Much deeper because the two of you have worked through things that can strengthen your bond. Wondering about the truth... there will eventually reach a point when the two of you can begin rebuilding that trust in each other. Along with trust will come the truth and openess.

Once the meds start to work you will see a new side of your Husband, you wont always be his mother but you will need to try to understand him, eventhpough it is hard. I am bipolar and when things are going right I tend to rely on my daughter.

Livingwithmatt, I'm so sorry you are discouraged. But there is hope. You need to educate yourself on Bipolar as fast as you can and as much as you can. You have to figure out whether you want to fight for your marriage. Knowledge will help you understand what he's going through and that will help how you treat him and how you respond to him. I'm bipolar and my husband is not he loves me unconditionly whether I'm sick or not. He loves me through the bad and good times. And he didn't know I was bipolar before we got married. I also have two bipolar sons he only knew about one of them.He tells me all the time that being around us is teaching him so much it's making him a better person. That's what it does you it makes you stronger, teaches you compassion and patience.