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ethereality  Posts: 38
Member
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Hello all, I've sort of posted in quite a few discussions then remembered I hadn't actually properly introduced myself. If I went into detail in telling my story as it were I'd be writing an essay and I'm sure you're about as keen to read that much information as I am keen to write it, so to summarize as best I can: I was diagnosed with Aspergers aged 12, ADHD aged 16, misdiagnosed with major depression aged 21, diagnosed with Bipolar II aged 23, and finally diagnosed with Ultradian bipolar later that year (aged 23, that year being 2011). Currently aged 24 and am still recovering/coming out of/coming to grips with the hardest year of my life (2011). I believe my bipolar symptoms first started when I was around 16, but I had severe onset triggered at the start of 2011 due to a combination of high stress factors (natural disaster where I lived, moving out of college and into my own place - trying to source furniture on foot, a seriously unhealthy relationship). I was an invalid for a year living with and being cared for by my parents, cycling every one to three hours and also having catatonic episodes. I saw three different psychiatrists at this time and was at one point again misdiagnosed with depression and put on SSRI's which basically sent me into a sort of manic fit. The most recent psychiatrist has been great and I'm trying to slowly rebuild my life, still working on finding the right meds. "We are unusual and tragic and alive. We are the bright new stars born of a screaming black hole, the nascent suns burst from the darkness, from the grasping void of space that folds and swallows--a darkness that would devour anyone not as strong as us. We are oddities, sideshows, talk show subjects. We capture everyone's imagination." (Dave Eggers)
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Ultradian/Ultra Rapid Cycling Bipolar, Aspergers, ADHD.
900mg Epilim
12.5mg Lamictal
100mg Thyroxine
10mg Ritalin (slow release)
1mg risperidone
Nux 12 - 3 pills
Fe 30 - 9 pills
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ethereality Posts: 38
Member
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Oh, I sometimes go into slower cycles (ultra rapid) which is why I included that in my signature. Not sure how to label myself really, or even if I'm a type 1 or 2... my cycles are too fast to determine, I mostly don't get enough time to get into really serious trouble from one side or the other. It's like being in a constant ocean storm or tornado, just an emotional mess, up and down and up and down etc. (my current psyc said type 1, an earlier one had said type 2) Post edited by: ethereality, at: 06/21/2012 06:59 AM "We are unusual and tragic and alive. We are the bright new stars born of a screaming black hole, the nascent suns burst from the darkness, from the grasping void of space that folds and swallows--a darkness that would devour anyone not as strong as us. We are oddities, sideshows, talk show subjects. We capture everyone's imagination." (Dave Eggers)
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Ultradian/Ultra Rapid Cycling Bipolar, Aspergers, ADHD.
900mg Epilim
12.5mg Lamictal
100mg Thyroxine
10mg Ritalin (slow release)
1mg risperidone
Nux 12 - 3 pills
Fe 30 - 9 pills |
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hypnagogic Posts: 1745
Group Leader
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Hi, I can understand Ultradian Cycling. Though not fully accepted in the world of DSM, I don't always ascribe to the DSM. To me, it's a guideline and not everyone is going to fit picture perfect because we're not all the same. The cycling multiple times a day is really rough and takes a toll on the body physically, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically. I'm sorry that you experience as I do to. Not a psychiatrist (pdoc) nor a therapist...what you read are my thoughts and there you go.
My mind is like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.
Diagnosis: Human
Equetro, Clonazepam, Clonidine, Lamotrigine, Xanax (PRN) |
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ethereality Posts: 38
Member
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I don't know how to explain it to others. It's not immediately apparent because i put a lot of effort into masking what I'm feeling but I find the constant emotional pressure and instability almost unbearable and unbelievably exhausting. It never stops. "We are unusual and tragic and alive. We are the bright new stars born of a screaming black hole, the nascent suns burst from the darkness, from the grasping void of space that folds and swallows--a darkness that would devour anyone not as strong as us. We are oddities, sideshows, talk show subjects. We capture everyone's imagination." (Dave Eggers)
~
Ultradian/Ultra Rapid Cycling Bipolar, Aspergers, ADHD.
900mg Epilim
12.5mg Lamictal
100mg Thyroxine
10mg Ritalin (slow release)
1mg risperidone
Nux 12 - 3 pills
Fe 30 - 9 pills |
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Cthebird Posts: 2609
Senior Member
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It must be terrible having ultraradian cycling. I rapid cycle, but if I have two different moods in a day one of the moods is always baseline and not the opposite. I have had catatonia during an episode, but it only lasted about 20 minutes. At first they thought I was having a seizure (which I do have), but later they concluded it was part of a mixed manic episode. My nephew has Aspergers Syndrome and bipolar disorder. His Aspergers Syndrome is, I believe, worse than the average. When ever he has an elevated episode it tends to be mixed. He often does self harm or gets suicidal. I don't know if that is just him or if the Aspergers plays a part in it. I guess it is just him since you say you have ultraradian cycling. Bipolar 1, Simple Partial Seizures, and migraines
Psychiatric meds:
Lithium ER (900 mg)*Tegretol XR (1400 mg)*Lamictal (100 mg)*Geodon (160 mg)*Navane (5 mg)*Seroquel XR (100 mg)*Klonopin (.5 mg)
Ativan 1 mg "as needed" (I rarely take it.)*Seroquel regular 50 mg "as needed" (Only if I'm getting elevated.)
Other meds:
Propranolol (40 mg)*Levothyroxine (150 mcg)
My mix is side effect friendly for me. |
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Boidhre Posts: 530
Member
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I'm getting a taste of your world in this mixed episode. I'm depressed and manic separately at least once per day for the past two weeks, usually more than once. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The idea of going through this longterm is truly terrifying for me, I can only imagine what it's like for you to live through. Bipolar
Meds:
1200mg Lithium
10mg Abilify.
50mg Seroquel (for sleep)
0.5-1mg Rivotril (Klonopin) (PRN)
7.5mg Zopiclone (PRN) |
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