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02/15/2009 05:00 PM

Dealing with My Girlfriend' Bipolar Issues

gvincek
Posts: 6
Member

Hi All. I read most of the responses from folks who have a loved one that's bipolar. I have to tell you, it was most comforting. I'm trying to learn how to deal with this. She told me right off that she is bipolar. I did some reading about it but was not prepared for her getting upset about what I would consider "little things". I love her very much and I want to support her in any way I can. Someone said it's a real roller coaster ride and I can't agree more. I say to her that being with her is quite a ride. Like others who have written,I too find myself getting very upset with myself for not recognizing what upsets her. We go from having a great conversation, to me saying or doing something that bothers her. Just today, she told me that it bugs her when I kiss the top of her head while I hold her (she does like to be held). I never knew that about the kissing and I've been doing it for quite a while.

When I do something that upsets her, she usually tells me about it right away, though it sometimes really strains the relationship which, in turn, affects me both mentally and physically.

I refuse to give up on our relationship just because she's bipolar. I just want/need some help. Are there any good books out there? This site certainly is a Godsend.

Thank you all for listening to me and for any suggestions you may have.

Post edited by: gvincek, at: 02/15/2009 17:17

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02/15/2009 05:08 PM
Ele
Posts: 2039
Senior Member

Welcome to the group! Your girlfriend is very lucky to have someone who loves her and supports her. I hope she appreciates you. Feel free to post anywhere and ask questions. Again, welcome to the group.

02/15/2009 05:48 PM
ashleyd

hey there...all i can do is encourage you to attend her thrapy sessions once or twice. you may also want to seek therapy for yourself. it is hard on our significant others. you need someone to talk to about it and learn some coping mechanisms. you are doing ok. just hang in there.

02/15/2009 06:10 PM
grafxbydiane
grafxbydiane  
Posts: 7846
VIP Member

gvincek

First of all welcome to the group . I too am a gf of someone that was diagnosised with bipolar .Anyhow Are you seeking therapy for yourself and with her? Also too it is also wise to have outside intrests for yourself . As there times that she will want to be left alone to herself . here is a site that puts a magazine that maybe helpful

http://www.bphope.com/

Post edited by: grafxbydiane, at: 02/15/2009 18:11


02/15/2009 06:49 PM
gvincek
Posts: 6
Member

Thank youEle, Ashleyd, and Grafxbydiane for your input. I'm really having a tough time with this. Getting myself some professional help is a very good idea. It's nice to know there are people like you out there, too. You can't imagine how thrilled I am that you all wrote back so quickly. I do have an outside activity. I'm a volunteer firefighter/EMT. And she is wonderful about making sure I don't neglect my duties.

We just talked on the phone a few minutes ago (we don't live together). Things seem OK though I felt like I was walking on eggs. I did forget to mention that she is on medication and that does she a therapist. I didn't know her before meds so I'd like to think the meds are helping her.

Thank you so VERY much. I do so want to be there to help and support her but I can see from reading other posts that I may need some help too.


02/16/2009 07:31 AM
ajoelric

Hi and welcome to the group. It really sounds like the two of you have a good grip on how to handle all of this. She's so lucky to have the kind of support you are giving. I'll pass along a few of the things that work for my BF and I. Keep talking as much as possible and encourage her to let you know where she's at. As others said, keep up with the therapy and meds. Remember that it's not going to be easy. She will always have bipolar but you are allowed to feel bad, angry, frustrated (you get the idea) sometimes. A lot of people think they should be superhuman and just never feel anything negative because it's not the SO's fault. You can always come here and vent if you are frustrated. It's a great place to turn to. Also remember to set your limits. You may have to make some allowances for the bipolar but that doesn't mean she can't treat you well. A lot of others run into this problem. Anyway good luck and stick around!

02/16/2009 09:06 AM
gvincek
Posts: 6
Member

Thank you, Ajoelric. I'm not sure how good a grip I have on all of this. Just when I think all is right with the world, I get a mixed signal. I mentioned to her last night that I found this group and had been reading other people's stories to try to continue to understand how to help her (and me). I thought I would get a good reaction. Instead, I could tell she was upset that I was questioning her response to the medications.

I've read that even though BP folks are on meds, they still have "issues". Maybe not major ones but still have some.

I did call to talk to a therapist for myself. Just waiting to hear back.

This is really eating me up. I try to be strong but when I'm alone, I find myself questioning everything I've done to try to figure out why she gets upset with me. On those days, I don't sleep well, don't eat well, and cry.

I want so badly to be with her and to support her. She tells me she loves me, hints at marrage but then says maybe things are moving too fast. We've only been together for almost 2 months but for me it was love at first sight (corney, I know, but that's how it was for me). I held off using the "L" word. It was she who said it first.

This is REALLY tough and I thank you all for listening to my story and for giving ME the support I desperately need.


02/16/2009 10:26 AM
ajoelric

gvi-Remember... some of it could be bipolar but maybe she's just an emotional person. Bipolar is only a part of who she is. As you move along in this process and get to know her better you will be able to better seperate her from the disorder. It's very true that someone on meds can still cycle. Sometimes the meds need an adj. Bipolar can be controlled and helped but it's biological and can't be 'cured'. Bipolar disorder is very uniqe to each person. While someone may have years with no cycling some never really stop. Time, patients and communication are SOOO important. Just keep that up and make sure you don't lose yourself in the process.

You really do have a good grip. Regardless of what it may feel like you are both taking positive steps and trying to do your best. That really makes a lot of difference!

Good luck


02/16/2009 12:27 PM
gvincek
Posts: 6
Member

You're right. I need to separate BP from emotions. I know that BP cannot be cured. Sometimes I think that she thinks the meds are a cure but she's much smarter than that. We just talked on the phone a while ago. She called me at work and she's in a great mood. And I feel 100% better.

I am going to slow things down a bit. If I'm invited over, I'll go but I won't invite myself or just drop by. If she wants me to stay for the weekend, I'll be sure to have a place to go or work to do just so we're not constantly together. I've stopped the "Hi, I miss you, Honey" calling and now let her make the call unless I have something important or relevant to discuss. All this is so I don't crowd her.

I'm trying. You can teach this old dog some new tricks. You just have to hit him a bit harder with the newspaper.

I keep saying it but thank you all for the insight and a place to vent.


02/16/2009 12:55 PM
belladonna8383

Everything u said is what my husband tells me. I get mad at "things he does"all the time and for no reason. I laughed about the kissing the top of her head cuz i have said that many times to my other half. The best u can do is listen let her vent and tell her u love her and give her space but always check to make sure she knows you still love her. Also she mite get upset at times and try and push u away and not even know why she is doing it!!!
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