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04/24/2012 01:34 PM

My husband has left me again

htx79
Posts: 1
New Member

I am very fortunate to be surrounded by kind and supporting friends, but none of them understand what it's like to be a relationship with someone who may be bipolar. That's why I'm here.

I spent the first week after he left reading 100's of stories so similar to mine, that I'm fairly certain that bipolar disorder is the cause for his actions. The long periods of calm, the sudden depression, the outbursts of rage, and most exhaustingly the abandonment.

We have been together for 12 years, married for 3, and over all that time he has broken up with me or left me 15 times. I know, I should have just sent him packing, but I am in love with the man he is when he is not having these episodes.

He is never happy with the circumstances that he is in, he always talks of moving to a new town and how he hates our city. He will blame me for forcing him to stay here. I even moved to North Carolina for him and it only lasted a few months before he blew up and abandoned me there and returned to Texas.

He threatens me with divorce when he does not get his way, like when some house guests we were expecting showed up at 1:30am the night before we expected them and I told him it was too late since I had school the next morning. He also threatened to divorce me when I told him that a friend of his that had been crashing on our couch could no longer stay with us. The friend was T-R-O-U-B-L-E, drunk all the time, demanding to listen to music loudly, cheating our friends out of money, etc.

This time, I thought things were ok, it was the day before my birthday party. He couldn't sleep and went on my Facebook and found a message from a year ago where an old friend that had feelings for me contacted me to hang out. I had no intentions to hang out with him, but where maybe I should have been more direct I was like "I'll check my schedule", and when he asked to hang out again I didn't reply. He accused me of cheating on him and presented me with a list of other problems he had with me and said the he had been planning to do this after my birthday (which confuses me why he would buy me an expensive present, make plans for improving the house and in fact started discussing a bigger place for us to live). His reasons were all things he could have talked to me about but never did.

The next day he packed up everything and left and took our dog, which I trained with him. Our poor dog is at his parents' house where they won't let him in the house. He will only email me to tell me he broke the lease on the house and I have 2 months to move out and that he will be coming by to get some things with his father.

I know that both of his parents have been on anti-depressants and that he has taken medication in the past. And when I tried to reach out to his parents they ignored me. I tried texting him about 20 times with no answer and finally his father texted me and said to stop texting my husband. The following morning I wrote a very level headed email (I had a friend proof read it) Explaining that I had every right to contact my husband, he owed it to me to talk about this and that it was indecent that they couldn't even reply to my plea for help. I also asked why they couldn't acknowledge that this was a pattern and he always comes back and since we got married this process gets very expensive. His father simply replied "You're only fooling yourself."

For years I have put up with his parents robotic and condescending manners, knowing that his mother had threatened to abandon him when he was growing up over a tiny thing (he decided to stop playing little league). I know that it was pointless to try to communicate with them, in their heads they are always right. I have no idea what he told them that I did, but I know that I didn't do anything.

He's now living in a warehouse (barely 2 weeks later) which I've heard he plans to turn into a recording studio. But a couple of days later I heard that he was trying to get his job to move him out of state. He won't respond to any of my messages, I'm terrified to call him and I'm just a complete wreck...even though I should probably be used to this.

I just need someone who understands to talk with.

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04/24/2012 02:34 PM
centerseeker
centerseeker  
Posts: 2852
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you really have been through a lot. I am very sorry that you have dealt with so many ups and downs. There is a wonderful community of spouses of bipolar people where you might find kindred spirits who understand where you are coming from:

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/spouses-of-bipolar-in- active-relationships-discussions

I wish you the best as you sort through all this.


04/24/2012 03:35 PM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6811
Group Leader

Welcome to the forum. You'll find lots of support, encouragement and information here. Please feel free to PM me or any other group leader.

I am really sorry for what you are going through.

There's are other groups that you may find helpful. They are bipolar spouses and bipolar in the family. You'l find many people in your situation in both of these groups as well as the one centerseeker recommends above. I recommend that you visit them all and see which one(s) you feel most comfortable with.

http://www.mdjunction.com/bipolar-spouses

http://www.mdjunction.com/bipolar-in-the-family


04/24/2012 04:05 PM
scooby64
scooby64  
Posts: 383
Senior Member
I'm an Advocate

There comes a time when we are in a relationship that is not working that I have to ask myself if it is worth continuing, no matter how much I "love" another person.

You are not alone, and I think you'll find some help and support in the suggested links provided.

Take care of yourself!


04/24/2012 10:16 PM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16593
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

You are going through a lot and you are really hurt by this man. It's not an excuse to hurt people, bipolar. It sounds like he could be in an episode, but he is not diagnosed. The best thing for him to do is get to a psychiatrist and get a diagnosis if he has one. It sounds like something is going on in that brain of his. I'm sorry that his parents are the way they are. You have put up with them for a long time. I know you love him, but you can only do so much. You need to take care of yourself first and worry about him later. You need to be mentally sound in dealing with this. I don't know if he will come back or not. I would be quite tired of his behavior though. I know you love him and I wish you luck, but you may just be butting your head against a wall. I hope this isn't true. It's up to you what you do, but I think you deserve to be treated with respect and love. You aren't getting these things. I'm glad you are reaching out. Welcome to the group!

05/06/2012 03:35 PM
lmr1025
 
Posts: 8
Member

Welcome to the group, I'm new at this too so I know how difficult it can be to reach out to complete strangers for advice. My boyfriend of 3 years is bipolar and currently unmedicated. He keeps giving me excuses as to why he hasn't gone back to the doctor in weeks. But thats MY issue as of late.

You are in an extremely difficult position. No one should have to tolerate the things you have over the course of your relationship. Love is NOT supposed to hurt. I agree with the other posters who said your husband is most likely smack dab in the middle of an intense episode. I'm no doctor, but I have gained an uncanny eye at detecting when my boyfriend is having (or going to have) one. Many of the behaviors and comments your husband was displaying rings so true with me and my experiences.

I would love to suggest what any sane person would, and tell you to move on. But I know that its not possible for me, I am sure it isnt for you either. The best you can do at this point is to wait it out and show him that you still want this marriage to work. But if this type of behavior is a common occurence, I would certanly suggest that he gets the help he clearly needs.

I'm glad you have joined us. This group made me feel like I was not alone in my struggle anymore. I thnik as significant others of people with bipolar we are, by nature, extremely loyal and that is a wonderful thing to be. Stay strong and positive, we are always here to talk <3


05/11/2012 06:36 PM
Mrslisa
Posts: 11
Member

I'm so sorry to hear about what u are going through with your husband. I am going through something similar with my longtime boyfriend... We were very much in love and a few weeks ago we got in an argument and I haven't seen him since that day. He calls every so often but when he does he is always brief and cold. He hasn't been himself since that day. He is like another man now, not the man that I fell in love with and the man that loved me more than anything.... I have cried my eyes out everyday that he has been gone. So I can only imagine how you are feeling. My heart goes out to you and I am here if you need someone to talk to... Hope you guys can work things out soon. Best wishes! Lisa

05/30/2012 07:45 PM
maynew
maynew  
Posts: 23
Member

Hi I'n new here to.

I'm am Bipolar and I didn't know that when i was married I put my ex through a lot with mood swings and all the rest of the fun stuff that comes with being BP. His cheating didn't help but I was just as bad BP wise.

Just don't blame your self for his action. sounds like he isn't on his meds.

I'm sorry to say there is a time to let go as much as you love him he needs to help himself first.

If you take him back make sure he knows he has to go to a doc. and get help.

I do hope every thing works out for you.

Hugs

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