Bipolar Support Group

Hello everyone,

I was diagnosed with BPD this past December, and have been making a slow but steady go at accepting and moving along.

For the longest time, I had a great network of friends. Plenty of support, anyone that I needed, I could talk to. Funny how things change when you tell people you are working through something, and all of a sudden your friendship means nothing to them anymore.

To give some background, I was engaged. Due to be married this coming November.

I lived in south jersey, and moved to pa to take a job since the job market down there had dried up.

In a manic state, iI went out on a 6 day bender... Drinking, partying, and staying out until 5 am, only to go to work at 7am, and do it all over again the following night.

Somewhere in there, I had decided it would be a good idea to just end things after 3 years.

In hindsight I occasionally wonder if my willingness to leave home and move 120 miles away wasn't a manic decision either.

Anyway, so I had a great group of friends up here. But now they all disappeared, and my phone calls fall on voicemail greetings, texts go UN responded, and friendly waves on the highways are ignored.

This has finally stopped bothering me.

My phone stays locked in my toolbox at work, and typically goes on silent at home.

But lately, and tonight was the breaking point for me, I seem to experience some serious nighttime anxiety and depression. The kinds of which I feel as though it's a crushing blow.... A real dark cloud... Idk... Hard to explain.

And I've seen these forums a few times.

So here's my next step forward. I can't open up to anyone else. And I don't want you guys to think your a last resort.

I figure I'll take this step with people who can actually understand what it feels like to sometimes take one step forward, followed by a tumbling 3 or 4 backward.

It's funny how friends tend to disappear out of nowhere. I'm sorry that this has happened to you. You have been through a lot. I'm sorry you went manic and these things happened in your life. I'm sorry you are feeling these nighttime anxieties and depression. Are they coming out of nowhere? Maybe you need a medication adjustment. Since it's so bad, you might want to call your psychiatrist. He can help. You can open up here all you want. We definitely understand and will be here to support you. I'm glad you joined the site. I really hope you get some comfort here. The members are awesome. Welcome to the group!!

All my friends started avoiding me back when I announced I was getting help. Funny how that works. Now I receive occasional compliments about how much better I am but.... Kinda funny. I wish there was a magic wand I could wave for you to help. Im lucky and have an 8yr old son that I spend all my time with. However I often feel the anxiety and lonliness you mentioned at night and early in the morning. Thats one of the reasons Im here. Opening up to this group has been a big help for me too.

Welcome to the group. I am sorry for what you have been through with the mania. I know I acted out in ways that I wouldn't normally have before I got stabilized with medication. Fair weather friends can't handle bipolar. Even if you begin getting better, there is a stigma that shows up in ignorance. People don't understand that it's something that can get better and we can live happy, productive lives like anyone else. There are other friends to make and I'm sure you will find them. In the meantime, you have us to talk to and we understand what you are feeling, so talk all you need to. The is a very caring group. Feel free to PM (private message) me or any other group leader if you ever need or want to.

Thank you everyone for the warm welcome!

I look forward to adding to this wonderful community, as well as the support you all are so willing to offer.

Last night was a bit of a dark night for me. But this morning I managed to wake up on a new slate, and spent some great time with my one true friend I still have.

As you all said, and I have to agree, it is amazing how fair weather friends just leave you go, and ignore you.

My friend I spent today with was the same way in the beginning. When I would be having a bad day (we worked together until he was fired), his response would simply be "oh, shut up and just take another pill."

After a bit though, he saw my troubles, and saw me shut myself out from the world.

January and february were very difficult for me. A combination of seasonal depression, a transfer to a new shop (don't know if I already said this I am an automotive technician), and of course after my recent break up, dealing with valentines day.

I knew he was true in his word to support me from the beginning (all of his initial shenanigans put aside) when he finally one night took time from his family to come to my house, and talk to me for a while.

Ever since then, he is no longer a friend, but a brother to me. I am the uncle of the family, and certainly do enjoy spending every holiday with them seeing as my family in new jersey is all mostly split up.

So again, thank you everyone. The warm welcome certainly made my day start off great. I look forward to many months and years of friendship and support amongst all of us!

Welcome to the group. What a good riend your buddy is. You know what? Your better with one good friend than a dozen 'eh' type friends!

I'm sorry that you had such a rough go with the mania and that you feel it's been one step forward, three or four back. Hopefully things will get better for you. Anytime you need to talk, post here. This is a good group.

Sometimes you really find out who your true friends are. Those that don't want to be around are probably not worth having around. IMHO Welcome to the group. We won't shun you for who you are.

Hey OCT. I can relate to a few things mentioned above, especially the phone slowly becoming silent. I didn't tell many, but it got out what I was working through and little by little, one by one, friends started to drop off. It hurts, but as mentioned before, you find out who your TRUE friends are. The move was probably just a survival instinct, you needed work and did what you felt best, move to where the work was. There might have been a slight influence by some mania, but human nature is to survive. The whole burning the candle at both ends part, I did that when I was younger, before I even knew what BP was, I may have had it then and just didn't know, but I also did that. Where there any reasons to leave you ex? I mean did you realize that there just wasn't a solid future there or was it a decision that didn't have much thought behind it spurred by some totally unrelated reason?

These forums are for support, people pop in and pop out all the time and some do it frequently and typically when they are going through a crisis or when they are seeking help or advice. Either way, it's a support group. Of course we'd like all of our members who have BP to stick around because we are sort of a small family of people who can relate and often have advice to give or can just read something that might help them. But just dropping in when you need help isn't frowned upon, we're here to help and support as much as we can. I hope things are well with you and you are able to find some clarity to what you are going through right now. Remember, some choices can be changed with a little explanation. So if you feel you made a mistake with your ex, it never hurts to try. I wish you the best and we're all here for you.

MBP

If nightime anxiety happens frequently I've found it helpful to go for a walk or get out of the house for a while. I seem to have more anxiety when I just lay in bed and let the worries cloud my head.

I've come to the same realization that I have completely lost all but one friend I used to really rely on. It's been a hard lonely process. But through this time I have found ways to challange myself and try to be a better person.