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02/12/2012 10:21 AM

New. Confused. Relationship w/BP SO --over?(page 2)

SadDee
Posts: 134
Member

Hello. I am new to this site too. I am 47 yrs old and have been married to a BP man for 18 years. We have a son who will be 8 in 2 weeks. My husband will be 43 next week. He was diagnosed 2 yrs ago and it has been down-hill since then. All of the medications he has tried has either made him manic (wrecked a motorcycle and was in the hospital for 2 weeks) or catatonic (lying on the couch for days nearly unresponsive). After 2 years of having no peace, I am done. I have always felt that I could help him or make him well, but I can't. He likes being manic. He doesn't see that he is aggressive or that he makes bad decisions when he his wrongly medicated. I think it is his way of being high...legally. He told me the other day that he wants to be in a 1% motorcycle gang...whatever. When we married I thought it would last forever. I've tried, I really have. I never wanted my son to experience his parents divorcing, but I guess no one does. Sad. Some things you just can't fix.
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02/12/2012 11:08 AM
athingapart
Posts: 34
Member

Hello SadDee. I know the moderators will tell you, but there is also group for Spouses of people with BP. Read through the stories. I found them very all so very helpful in getting perspective on both sides in the equation. It was like finding myself.

I am really sorry about your situation. My SO likes the high too, he just gives it an extra boost with drugs and alcohol. He was so afraid of the meds our friend, who is a psychologist, finally asked him why bother with the meds at all. Why settle for just barely OK by taking such a low dose. To me it's almost like he was afraid of the stability of this and the loss of his creative side. I know it is a real fear for him, to lose himself. In the meantime, though, you can't lose yourself either. While it does sound (from your short post) like your husband is trying to get stable by trying various meds I hope that you are well supported, no matter what path you take. A good therapist can work wonders. I wouldn't be half as stable as I am now if not for mine.

My thoughts are with you and your son in these difficult times.


02/12/2012 11:35 AM
SadDee
Posts: 134
Member

Thanks for your response. My husband fuels it all with alcohol and drugs too. Though he has tried to get "stable" through it all, I'm honestly not sure it's possible for him (or that he wants it as much as I did). He is rapidly cycling, going from hypomania to depression nearly every 2 weeks. There is simply no peace for me, and my son feels the stress I am sure. When my husband drinks, he gets totally blasted. If he has one...he's having 20. He gets into a manic rage when he does this. I take my son and spend the night at my parents. I do have a great support group. My whole family is supportive. I am lucky in that regard. I am the "bread winner", so to speak, so I have tried to keep the family together for my husband and my son. We run the usual course of him manic/anxious and drinking to him sad and telling me he will never drink again. Of course, he always drinks again. The past few months he has picked up our son from school while he has been drinking...not going to happen again. It is like living with a teenager, only he is more dangerous and less controllable. I feel like I have spent our entire marriage taking care of him, when all he does is think about himself and dwell on how he feels. If I sound bitter, sorry, but I am. I have been recently sought the advice of a therapist. I need help to. My family tells me, "You matter too." It's taken me 18 years to accept that.
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