Bipolar Support Group

I have been unloading all my crazy-talk on innocent bystanders in other forums and freaking people out while I am manic and sleep-deprived!

It's not very pretty and sometimes I am embarassed when I go back and read half the stuff I said.

OK, here is my story, I'll try not to get too detailed(boring).

I have always had severe mood swings since as far back as I can remember.

My parents knew I was not stable but they chose to pray to God for help instead of getting me some real help. Denial is very popular in my family, just ignoire it and pray for God to make it all better, lol!

I had no idea that I was sick but I did know that I was different than all the other kids and I was constantly laughed at and bullied for being different.

My whole childhood was obsession with death and suicidal ideation.

Ok , around age 15, I really started to go "crazy" and I did some bad things to myself so I finally ended up in a mental health inpatient program and got diagnosed : Bipolar I with psychotic features.

Finally my parents could no longer deny me the proper treatment I had desperately needed! yea for me! hurray! woot woot!

I was put on Lithium and Tofranil (tricyclic AD) and for the first time in my life I felt like I was in control of my emotions! I was almost "stable" but it didn't last because I decided I was all better and stopped the meds at age 18.

Ok, long story short I guess:

Crazy as hell before meds! (birth to age 15)

Feeling good/almost "normal" on meds. (age 15-18)

Crazy as hell again, off meds! (age 18-)

Self-medication begins (age 18-23)

Stopped drug use ,switched to alcoholic weekend only binges, still crazy as hell!(age 23-28)

Back on prescribed medication (age 28-34)

Stopped drinking and smoking, staying on prescribed medication, still pretty much crazy as hell(currently age 35).

Yes sir, nothing interesting about any of that!

I'm sorry for the long, boring post.

I hope that this forum tolerates delusional, paranoid, crazy-talk ranting because I tend to go there when my meds are being changed. I appologize in advance!

Sham-wow!

I think you will really enjoy it here. I have made many very special friends here who do really understand me.

I look forward to hearing a lot more from you. Jeanne

I'm not hoping you have insomnia, but if you do.... ahem... at least I won't be sitting here alone thinking, "I thought crazy people stayed up late! Where is everyone?" all the time.

Welcome