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09/15/2011 11:22 PM

Hello-new person here

Mulefoot
Mulefoot  
Posts: 80
Member

I read this on one of the Leaders' descriptions. It really rings true for me::

"We thought that I was just a naturally bubbly and motivated person, who had bouts of deep depression. We never thought of bipolar or hypomania."

So many super bouts of energy in college. Running to deadlines, always making it. Kept myself so busy so I could stay out of trouble. I am an Artist..and when I "allow" myself to "do" my Art (paint, bronze casting), I stay up for many many hours. I am kind of afraid to do my Art since it triggers mania.

Eventually the anxiety, un-even-ness, etc. interfered with my job (Professor of Industrial Welding) and I am now on disability..mental health disability. Hey, it made sense. I felt I was falling....the veil was slipping...

So now I am thinking of how to put structure in my life. Should I be free..just day to day? Or should I assign specific life functions to each day----like internet one day, farm stuff another day, Art stuff 1-3 days.

At least I do have a talking therapist and an Rx doc. Was self medicating for so long with alcohol. It took quite a while for docs to assess that it was bi-polar.

Thanks for this group!

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09/16/2011 12:18 AM
stevesayshi
stevesayshi  
Posts: 659
Member

Welcome to the group mulefoot. Let your art flow when you feel it. Go with the flow, one step at a time. I wish I could say more but the wife is ratttling in my ear and won't let me think.

09/16/2011 04:19 AM
2ofme
2ofme  
Posts: 1798
VIP Member

I must agree with 'stevesayshi' on the art. If it's all tucked away within yourself, you can not share it with others ... and it IS your statement to the rest of the world.

I suggest you speak with your p-docs regard "structuring" your life.

Like yourself, I lived, and really enjoyed living in, my hypomania world. I was there for the better part of thirty years! Hell yea! There was very little I could not accomplish ... and usually with little to no help from others. But it destroyed my life and in the corporate world, they simply thought I was either nuts on on drugs. Lost my job in March of 2010 to be replaced by a kid who had less years in his life than I had in my industry alone .. and I contribute a lot of that to my personality.

Wishing you the best! Don't give up, don't stop healing! Don't stop living!


09/16/2011 10:14 AM
Mulefoot
Mulefoot  
Posts: 80
Member

Thanks Stevesayhi and 2ofme -

It is so great to have found this forum. I have needed to talk to friends about the impact this bi-polar has on my life..and how to deal with it.

I had a student one time who said that in not making my Art I was denying the world my Art. I had been sublimating all my creativity into teaching (industrial related stuff).

I've let total immersion in work keep me "safe" (steady). But I finally burnt out, let stress get to me and have taken disability and early retirement from the career I have been in for 31 years. Am just concerned about letting life fritter away without some kind of plan or structure. Or getting in a funk and sleeping all the time. Been sleeping till noon.

Today I am canning beans from the garden...it is time consuming but satisfying in that food is "put up" for the winter.

Thanks for replying you guys.


09/16/2011 10:12 PM
Mulefoot
Mulefoot  
Posts: 80
Member

Thanks again, you guys.

I feel awake with potential..

but a calm joy..

with that suggestion of making Art..

it seems so simple..that I should have thought of it...

But I hadn't.

Thanks for bringing it to the front of my mind.

This group..the interactions....

I feel such a relief at having found some people who understand and can share unconditionally....

Blessings to you,Cool

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