MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
01/10/2008 01:01 PM

left B.P.fiancee after 2 years

breathe
breathe  
Posts: 95
Member

Hi all. I actually just typed a long intro. but it accidently erased when I tried to preview it bc of popup blocker. Grrr...sigh.

Looks like you have a kind and supportive group here and I'm glad I've found you. I've felt very alone in untangling my memories of the past 2 years-my friends/family don't understand any of it, esp. why I didn't leave before I did. Urg.

My fiancee(I'll call him "A"Winkwas diagnosed with Bipolar as our relationship ended. I did not know he already had been told this and hospitalized several times in the past. My therapist believes he is more of Paraniod, Narcissistic, Bipolar borderline Schizophrenic- he has a way of fooling therapists. He will not take medication and does not take responsibility for his actions. He was very abusive to me in all ways but I could not even entertain that idea until weeeks after I'd left, which was a few months ago. My reactions in the relationship were not unlike Stockholm's Syndrome after I'd tried to leave early on and he threatened to kill me if I tried again.

The relationship was the most beautiful, terrifying, creative, stifling, playful, stressful, intimate and cold I've ever known. I opened myself up to him more than I ever have-boy that was a mistake.

I moved into the garage apartment behind the house "A" rented as I separated from my husband. I was devastated and vulnerable after he filed for divorce. "A" showed up practically on a white horse, taking care of me and fulfilling dreams of relationship qualities that were more than I could even imagine. I thought I finally understood what it was to have a soulmate. I fought the rush of the relationship developing so soon after divorce but "A" was stronger than me. The beginning was amazing with exception of a few small strange things he demanded..needless to say those small things became bigger and bigger until I was lost in his world. The good times were only moments followed by confusing and abusive demands by him. He is scary intelligent, and decided to "teach" me things using his take on "operant conditioning" in a violent way. Boy, did I know how to walk on eggshells and not crack a single one by the end. Anyhow, I was his unsuspecting guinea pig to be his perfect woman. Unfortunately I was very good at adapting due to an unresolved abusive childhood and fell right into it.

Long story shorter..the police were called by the neighbors after he bashed in the neighbor's porch with a baseball bat and was breaking things in the yard with his sword and mace. I, believe or not was asleep bc I'd already been through my hell with him the two days prior and was exhausted. I woke to 3 police officers in my room asking me if I was alright and telling me they were taking him to the hospital. I acted out of instinct after they took him and was moved into a new place in a neighboring city within 3 days, essentially in hiding. I had to move 3 times and almost went into a shelter for my protection. I got a protective order, etc. but he still contacts me and believes I must just be convinced to be with him, that I'm just being tweaky. That is, when he doesn't leave messages calling me awful names, etc..

I finished my college degree last month and took police escort to classes on their advice bc he knew where and when my classes were. I had to go from being a terrified little girl inside to a fighter in record time and with the help of anxiety pills,prayer and self defense classes I'm doing alright for the most part. Trying to focus on my spark and pursue my dreams and not let myself listen to every noise as I go to sleep. I dream of when I can go to the grocery store without looking over my shoulder someday. I pray for him to get help, for him to stay away-and don't worry, I will not EVER return to him.

Thanks for being here. I'll elaborate more later, but that's enough for now.

Reply
 

01/10/2008 01:12 PM
southern10
southern10  
Posts: 2160
VIP Member

Welcome breathe...Take care of yourself..Southern10

01/10/2008 02:12 PM
justme
justme  
Posts: 168
Member

hi breathe welcome it was good to read ur story i know its hard to be alone but hang in there

01/10/2008 04:25 PM
sky
sky  
Posts: 270
Member

Welcome breathe- You are not alone, this forum is here for you. There are a lot of nice people on this forum, many have stories similar to yours.

My first husband was Really scary & bad . He was described as a narcissistic sociopath by psychologist. It took me YEARS to get away.

My current (soon to be ex) is bipolar, and a nice guy when he isn't acting out.

Life can be so hard sometimes.

Congrats on earning your college degree!

Hang in there. Smile


01/10/2008 05:22 PM
breathe
breathe  
Posts: 95
Member

Thanks so much all for the welcome and support. After reading more on here, I can see just how NOT alone I am. That's a help. Now if I just knew how to get him to leave me alone so I don't require quite as much breathing/meditation/medication to relax a bit...

01/10/2008 05:32 PM
jennipurr
jennipurr  
Posts: 80
Member

breathe, before i found this website i would've said you have no idea what i've been through but now i know you and the others here do. my hubby is bipolar, we've been through so many ups and downs, it's unreal. he's currently on meds and things are getting a little better. this is such a hard life, i feel like i must have some major character flaw to subject myself to this. i really admire you for leaving. that takes so much strength, i haven't been able to muster that strength even when i should have. pm me if you want to talk. good luck with everything

01/10/2008 06:47 PM
breathe
breathe  
Posts: 95
Member

Thx. I'm not sure it was strength that helped me leave- it was leaving that GAVE me strength. I went to group therapy this week at the Family violence shelter I had almost moved to and heard a woman that really needs to leave for her safety say how she didn't have the strength and it made me think more about what made me leave, bc I really don't think it was strength. It might have been fear or little cards I'd filed in the back of my mind of friends telling me they were concerned for my safety over the two years. I guess once I let myself have a day away from him, safe(he was in hospital) and I entertained the idea of leaving I realized how free it felt and ran like the wind. I packed on borrowed strength and my last art project was called, "On a Wing and a Prayer" to give you an idea.

Yes, LEAVING is what gave me strength, along with prayer and doing many things to protect and value myself. I stayed at my Dad's for a while and he had written all over the place, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and I believed it.

Funny, I was always suspect about prayer and relgion before this-but you cling to what is familiar when you really need it and if you believe it like I needed to-it works. My Dad was battling cancer the last 15 years of his life. He just passed away over a month ago..and my mom was in the hospital..and I had no money..and trying to graduate, afraid for my life. If I can get through and still shower/eat daily(ok, so I didn't today, I found this site)-anyone can do it. I've never been particularly strong in my life nor have I been single for any period over a few weeks. Going on 4 months now and feeling great. (most of the time anyhow)The growth all of this forced me into has and will continue to change my life-ESPECIALLY taking care of myself for a change and leaving.


01/11/2008 08:50 AM
norma1
norma1Posts: 172
Member

your experience was really scary. I am glad you are out of it and are safe. i know that bp can cause people to do violent things...hopefully when they are better and can look at their behavior they have insight.

congratulations on your college degree...sounds like you are on the way to a happy and successful life.

stay safe.

Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved