So, yes, you are right about being a good example because he knows what happens when he doesn't take his meds...and I do too...I know better...

I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired....I have fibromyalgia too...in remission right now...had a large flare up last spring. I was also born with a thyroid that doesn't work. I also have irritable bowel syndrome. It feels like it is just too much! I am too young to have all these medications!

In my "good" times I think there are people far worse off than I am....and truth be told there is...but in my bad times....it feels like nobody knows how bad it is. I am sick of people telling me that if I change the way I think I will in turn change the way I feel. I want to hand them some lithium and tell them to repeat that!

It does feel out of my control but at the same time, if I give in to the opinions, I feel week for not being in control of my emotions. My exboyfriend is a self described logical thinker and I am emotional well....he had no idea how emotional a thinker I was! Until the bipolar episodes came to stay....he was with me when I found out...and then it felt like I couldn't have any emotion without him chalking it up to BP which was frustrating.

Believe it or not, he is still my friend, he tries to understand, I feel bad for what I have put him through in the two and a half year relationship.

Wow, sorry all for ranting....just all comes up when I feel that I can talk freely!

It sounds like you have a lot going on. fybromyalgia, can be very painful.

My boyfriend didn't handle mmy episodes very well either. He has blamed every emotion and opinion he didn't like on my bipolar, too.

I have put my family through alot, too. It takes a lot of courage to get help. In the beginning when you first get diagnosed it can be scary and overwhelming. You have to admit you need help. The cycling is very traumatic, and scary. Then, getting on meds, and trying to find the right one, and then trying to get stable. It takes being patient. I still get frustrated with the med process. They have some really aweful meds out there. I have been through alot of different meds in the last 10 mos.

So, anyway go ahead and rant this is the right place for it.

Today as I was driving with my husband I was crying because of the embarressment that my last manic episode caused me and the pain it caused my family. There is a part of me that wants to mover and change all the people in my life so they can know me as the well "Maureen" and not the sick one. The reality is that I can not run from myself. This disease is part of me, I have it and I need to accept it and come to terms with it again.

I KNOW from experience that with the right medication and other tools that I use life is good. It is so hard to remember though when I am still so close to the storm, the destruction. But I have ALWAYS worried about what people thought of me, I ALWAYS wanted to be famous because then you might like me or I may have something to bring to the table.

Today I want to believe that I AM ENOUGH. That God made me like this and I am no accident. I am wanted. My husband loves me and so do my children. I am not Just Bipolar but so much more. I look forward to the day when I can share that I am free from the chains of shame...I thought I was there...but I have been shown that there are still some major ones to break. Thanks everyone for helping me break the chains.

Blessings,

Maureen

What the .....how come I go can't even go two days without being medicated....this is nuts in and of itself! I took my lithium tonight and from the look on my son's face tonight after yelling and carrying on about the dog....I will keep on it.

Thanks again...and will be "talking" to you all often....

I take four pills in the morning and only the lithium at night. I forget the night dose as well but put an alarm on my cell to ring. It does remind me but sometimes I don't have them with me...so I will have to put them in my purse. I had bought this dossette type thing that is a daily thing...but I am not that committed, organized or thoughtful. So I will just put a dozen or so and when it runs out, put some more. Thanks for your suggestions...I know...I feel like a hypocrite when I tell my son how important his pills are ...and now I don't take mine. I made an example of myself and told him that this is what happens when I don't take my pills and put it in terms he could relate to....let's hope this did something to shake us both up!

I know that I am heading to Costco to fill our prescriptions tomorrow!

I think I will look into that....just a container for the pills...not necessarily organized...so that I can prove to be undisciplined and unorganized. I will try that method. Thanks again!

I don't know how you work the night shift...that must be so tough! Good for you!

Sucks that you don't have insurance or something to help, have you tried like mental health to help with yours?