Your fear of medication and its effects is understandable. I can only reiterate that finding the right doctor who prescribes the right medication is essential.
The problem is that there is no such thing as a clear cut diagnosis of bipolar (or similar); it is rather a puzzle that combined with the experience of a doctor leads to the diagnosis. Risk factors such as bipolar in the family play a key role and the doctors are all too happy to make a diagnosis and prescribe medication. Also, having ups and downs in your situation (bipolar mother, your age, child as a single parent, school, etc.) is only understandable. However, it does not mean that your diagnosis is wrong and that you should not take any medication. It is just to underline how important it is to have an experienced doctor. The introduction of the medication should be gradual and no abrupt changes should be made. Small steps are much better to manage and to see their effects.
The mapping of your moods is a great thing, so is to identify and reject the negative thoughts, as suggested by your doctor and one of the commenters. That will help you to stay in control and manage your feelings. But don't get discouraged when you feel down as nobody can fully control it.
One advice about attacking difficult or uncomfortable tasks: Instead of procrastinating, do those things always first, before they grow and become really difficult. This is something all people should try to do.
I am confident that you will be fine. Just keep your courage up and this will be just one other task to do without it controlling you.
Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
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