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Hi my name is Krista. I am 31, married with three young children. I have not been diagnosed bipolar but feel I am. I have a sister that is bipolar and was wondering if it is hereditary? I started with depression when I was about 13. At the time it was blammed on my parent's divorce. It got worse in later teens but that was blamed on my mom's sudden death. I went through a real destruction path at this time. I then went threw my "high in life" where I felt good. I went to school and graduated and got a great job. I got married and I thought life was great. Then I got pregnant with my oldest.Went threw a little sadness but not bad. Got pregnant within three months of delivering and had my 2nd daughter. Things got bad again emotionaly. I ended up cheating on my husband and leaving him. I soon got remarried and got pregnant with my son. After delivering we up and moved cross country to Oregon for my husbands career. This was two years ago. Since I have had my son, everyone says I have post pardom depression and I will snap out of it. Problem is I can't. I want to. I hate the way I feel. I hate the ups and downs. Some days I feel great and I am the perfect mom and wife. House is cleaned, dinner is on the table. Other days I lay on the couch, my house becomes a mess, I cook basic meals, and I yell because nothing is perfect in the house. These days I have thought of suicide, but can't imagine leaving my children. Although I dont feel like a good mom. I want to get help. I want a support system. When we moved here I left all family and friends in Colorado. I knew no one here. My husband works in the hospital 4 nights a week from 7 to 7. Then he teaches 2 days a week for the University. I am left with 3 kids all day and night and feel so abandoned. I am joining this because wether I am bipolar or just post pardom I need to talk to someone. |
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