Hey Y'all!

My name's Jim, and I have Bipolar disease with alcoholism/addiction/substance abuse.

I'm not sure what this has to do with the current threads, but years ago I sold Kirby vacuum cleaners for awhile. Have any of you ever met a vacuum cleaner salesperson? ...yeah, I thought so! YOU know what I'm talking about!

I was having a hard time getting started, so, after learning how to use and demo the machine, I ran a local ad to clean one room of carpet for ten dollars.

The plan was to get "in the door" and to "present the goods."

I had a few "takers", and I soon found out that the customers fell into two categories--those whose carpets were so badly soiled or worn that NOTHING would fix them, AND those who could not afford a professional cleaning.

I also found out that the Kirby did not really "do the job" it's manufacturer claimed it would do.

The customers who had "tried everything" would not buy a Kirby, because my demo soon showed them the machine's shortcomings; and the people who couldn't afford it obviously took advantage of the cheap carpet cleaning--then they shooed me out the door, or they failed to qualify for the exorbitant financing.

After all this, I left Kirby sales to someone else, and I moved on. I felt the frustration and guilt of promises I made to others--promises on which I could not really deliver.

NOW..., the consequences of my failed enterprise were not really very serious, and everything I had tried came down to a "learning experience" for me and my prospects.

But what if, instead of vacuum cleaners, I had been selling critical financial advice--advice and counselling upon which my customers had invested vital resources?

I think that question is kind of connected....

I have had an ongoing success with my recovery, but wouldn't I be foolish, even reckless, to insist that what worked for me will work for someone else!? Wouldn't it be tragic if someone relied on me to fix their problem or fulfill their dream? ...if someone relied on my generalization: "I fixed me, so I can fix you." Wouldn't it be sad, if that reliance on my claim actually made someone worse off!? ...worse off, because I hadn't recognized my own limitations. Would I be accountable for that? Or... could I say glibly, "It's not my fault. Perhaps they really didn't WANT to get better." That's the "escape hatch" with bipolar disease--the break off point for accountability.

My therapist often praises me on my own recovery as well as my knowledge, understanding, and hard work. Still she cautions me in every session (she KNOWS me and my grandiose nature) not to assume that what works for me will work for someone else.

Caveat emptor!

I'm just rambling, aren't I? I guess this post doesn't really have anything to do with the purpose of this forum....

STILL..., thanks for letting me ramble!

Regards,

Jim

Youre always saying something like "Ive been through some of what you are going through. with help I got through it. I know you can do it too"

thats ok but then you write a lot of stuff that sounds like that peer consoler a feww days ago

Whats the diff?

no offense Jim

Still lurking, huh?

No offense taken...!

Your question was a good one.

How about if I let someone else answer your question? Okay?

Thanks!

Regards,

Jim

I joined this forum on 12/26/06.

Somehow during the past year, by default I guess, I became a group leader.

I'm tapped out, and it shows in my interaction with you.

Most of what I have to say has a negative effect on the support group, and I have seen that effect.

I'm a "hard ass" and I know it. Y'all have testified time after time to the gravity, the pain, the helplessness, and the destruction of BP disease. I took your testimony seriously, with the knowledge that the process of recovery is serious and difficult for most of us. Am I too serious about recovery!?

Yes, I'm a hard ass, but I'm alive, and happy, and free.

I regret that I can't offer you any consolation for your suffering. Consolation has it's place among friends, but it is not a good tool for support, and I am not good at doing it.

I don't have an answer to your problems, and I am barely beginning to answer to my own problems. However, I know where I am in recovery, and I know where I've been to get here. I have left you a lot of road signs so that you may find you own way--your own hope, your own strength, your own understanding, and your own path to recovery.

Give a man a fish, and he'll feast for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll feast for a life time.

Nobody fixed me, and nobody's going to fix you.

I am the same person that I always have been. How can I be anyone else? Why would I want to be anyone else?

My recovery, as I see it, is a process of WORKING to become the best ME that I can be, or, more accurately, a better me every day, one day at a time.

I know now that my mood swings are a part of my identity, and that my objective is to manage them. I know that management is an inside job--and it is a personal and unique challenge, a challenge based on my willingness to change, not my identity, but to change my attitudes, beliefs, and reactions.

You can't get that from a bottle.

I have been meds free for four and a half years. You rarely asked..., and I rarely told. It's not important to anyone but me. It was my choice.

I want now to turn over my role as group leader to someone else.

Volunteers!?

Thanks, Y'all for being a part of my recovery.

With love and best wishes,

Jim

Post edited by: JR1, at: 12/22/2007 15:06

I am good at offering consolation, but I am still learning about offering the experience, although I've had this for what seems like forever, I've only recently came to understand exactly what the hell was going on, so I am still in the processing stage, trying to sort out what was part of the illness, from what is me to begin with..

Don't you dare go anywhere but right back here in the forums, to help us..

I just saw something that makes so much sense and I want to share it with you - "There is no greater calling than service to others. And there is no better way to have your blessings multiply." - Oprah

Post edited by: jlh, at: 12/24/2007 08:41

We offer our experiences, so that others might see some common ground between us and them, for myself being a alcoholic in additon to the bipolar, I offer my experiences in the hope that someone else will see/hear and know there is hope out there for them too.. what works for one, doesn't mean that it will work for all, but it is offered up in the hope that they will see there is a better path than the one that we are on now..in our illness.

Post edited by: JR1, at: 12/24/2007 10:27

Does that mean I can still be a hard-ass!?

In truth, my issues run deeper than I am willing to discuss today. I have a lot of negative energy, and I am scrambling too much lately to diffuse or divert it.

Restless, irritable, discontent--all natural symptoms of mixed state mania, easy to recognize but hard to lose at times.

My friends encourage me, "Discomfort is a sign of growth."

If that's true, then I must be "growing" faster than a tick on a deer's ass!

I know I'm now well beyond taking a drug or a drink merely to ease my discomfort.

That only leaves me one choice....

I'll have to deal with it the way "normal" people do!

Hey! WAIT a minute...! That's the whole point of recovery, isn't it!?

[How DO normal people deal with it?]

YOU answer that one, Y'all, because I have to deal first with a visit to my step dad!

Keep those cards and letters comin', because I can use the paper while I'm on my pity pot!

Love,

Jim

I also appreciate what you have to say. I got attracted to this site because of the concistant support, and the desire to live in the solution. You are a important part of this.We need everyone else to be here, too. We don't have to be alone in our journey.

I have learned not to put anyone on a pedestal. I need to put my dependancy completely on god. God works through people but, people can't fix me,they can only carry a message. It's up to me on how, I use it, and put into practice. People and circumstances change, god is constant. I have learned not to follow gurus.

Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone, God bless, Gypsy