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03/11/2009 04:23 AM

why are bi-polar people so hurtful to there spouse(page 5)

plutonianman
Posts: 2
Member

Do you always blame the victim like this? Ermm
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03/11/2009 05:35 AM
taurus
taurusPosts: 2893
Senior Member

Plutonianman, it sounds like you have no compassion or empathy for people with mental illness. You obviously don't know anything about "people like us". I am bipolar and I AM NOT ABUSIVE! I have a wounderful relationship with my husband and children. My attitude is there's no excuse for abuse. There are ways of dealing with your anger through anger management and therapy. ALso be aggressive with getting a medication combo that works. You don't have to always listen to your pdoc they have to always listen to you so talk to them if your meds aren't working.There are BIpolar people who work very hard to stay as stable as possible. Yes we have mood swings. Even normal people sometimes take it out on their spouse when they're upset. I make no excuses for myself when I'm grouchy, I don't call anyone in my family bad names. However when I am sick I'm not on my best behavior. My family knows when I'm having a bad day and they do their best to help me get through it. There are people who blame everything on being bipolar and who think they can get away with anything because their bipolar. Not all of us are like that. When I wasn't on my meds I was not a nice person. That was no excuse, I should've got help. Except I didn't know what was wrong with me I thought I was a very bad person and went through hell for years. Both of my ex-husbands were abusive and did not believe in mental illness. I am now married to a wounderful man who treats me like gold. He supports me through the good and the bad. He loves me just the way I am and does not want to change me. I work very very hard at being a good wife and good mother. I also know that my mood swings are part of my bipolar and not me. This helps me to control them so I don't hurt others. Granted I'm not perfect and have said things I immediately regretted but I've worked very hard at keeping it from happening again. We are victims also. Sounds like you have a grudge against us. I'm sure you have been hurt very badly at least that what it sounds like. But you shouldn't blame all of us just because you've had a bad experience. Sounds like you need therapy of your own to get rid of your anger. I'm sure you don't think it's allright to hurt us. I hope you can make peace with yourself and others.
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03/11/2009 07:08 AM
Jazzmary
Jazzmary  
Posts: 1075
Senior Member

you know, it is easy to sat bp ppl are mean to their spouses but you know what, everyone is mean to someone somewhere down the road. i am so tired of ppl saying all bipolar ppl are like this. we are all different and handle things in a unique way. my first relationship i was a teenager. i was very mean at times and very loving for the most part. but things went both ways, ppl will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. but as a kid you dont know better. now i am 22 and my boyfriend would never describe me as abusive, to say bp ppl are all like that is whats crazy. i have my issues and i am no where near perfect, but i am not a bad person, i am loving caring and to say bp ppl are hurtful to thier loved ones is a mean thing to say. everyone hurts someone., dont blame it on a disorder, blame it on your lack of something else.
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03/16/2009 02:15 AM
laughalot
laughalot  
Posts: 3688
Senior Member

we are no more abusive than any one else we hurt like u hurt.... people call people a spade just cause they have illness makes no different. If your nasty your nasty..just the same if you say why do fat people have no manners.

All i can say is this judge the person not the illness and maybe if you found out about bipolar then your miss informed opinion may change, this might sound harsh but your comment is insulting and upsetting

Post edited by: laughalot, at: 03/16/2009 02:19

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03/16/2009 03:47 AM
carmen33
carmen33  
Posts: 8702
VIP Member

Plutonianman, I will have to agree with the other ladies, to dump us all into the pot of being rotten human beings with nothing better to do than hurt people, would be like me dumping all men into the category of abusers, I know that they can be, but I also know that not everyone of them are.. and this I know from personal experience.

Having a lousy relationship, I know can make you angry, upset and looking for something to blame it on, but haven't you been around people who hurt others before that are "normal?", I have and I have removed those people from my life.

What pot would you say that you fit into? I fit the pot of those who do their very best to be kind, to go out of my way to understand those that have challenges that make it so that they can not always control what is happening, to understand those that know they have a problem and who work to get better.

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03/16/2009 05:15 PM
peanut907
YorkieLove  
Posts: 7033
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Not all bipolar people are mean to their spouse. Maybe it's a man thing. I have had partners in the past who were verbally abusive and were not bipolar.
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03/17/2009 08:39 PM
sakura
sakura  
Posts: 450
Senior Member

When I was in the hospital I was very irate towards my significant other. I said things like 'i cheated on you' when i didn't or 'you're not the one for me' and 'i'm gonna kill you with love'. Stuff like that. I also put a nurse in the ER because I kicked her so hard in the stomach. I don't know why I did it or said those things but all my significant other could say was I wasn't all there. I wasn't in a 'normal' frame of mind. I was also on a lot of medication and a lot of the things I said and did I don't remember. Dizzy Ermm Wassat

Now I am stable and I don't act like I did when I was hospitalized. I am afraid that I will hurt others and make sure I stay on my meds. We don't mean to do the things we do. Sometimes it is out of our hands. Sometimes I wonder why God makes us the way we are but all in all I love myself. It took me a long time to come to that. In fact I'm still struggling with that. But like I said sometimes it's that illness that's talking. Deep down inside you'll find your husband who loves you and cherishes you and wants to be better for your family's sake.

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07/05/2009 11:31 AM
Ronnadeane

I feel your pain !! I have been married only 10 months and I catch the bulk of EVERYTHING !!! When he comes in after work and I'm sitting on the couch, he just waves at me like I'm at the bus stop. Goes into his 12 year olds son's room and talks lovingly to him !!! Tells me that he f**king hates me, doesn't love me anynmore, I'm selfish in bed and until I change this marriage will not work. He has stopped seeing a therapist and now says that I need therapy 100 times more than he does !!! I probably do now ! I've let him suck me into his BP world - I'm not the same person ! He says that he deserves the right to be selfish after all these years. He uses his BP disorder as an excuse for everything -everyday !!!! He will sometimes break down and start crying and say that he is ashamed of the way he acted. But it's hard to just brush all those hurtfull words aside. He went off on me last week while we were on vacation and I paid my daughter to bring me home. Boy did that send him over the edge but I was fed up. He has treated me like shit for 5 months now !!!!

Why are they hurtful to their spouses ??? I don't know but I know how you feel - you are not alone!

R.

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07/05/2009 12:43 PM
Skitz0417
Skitz0417  
Posts: 474
Member
I'm an Advocate

Plutonianman,

i have to agree with tarus on this one you must know nothing about mental illness or ppl living with bipolar disorder.. you post offended me badly.. when you said these ppl like we are outcast it is almost like saying we are monsters and this in not the case you stated we are worse with out meds there are thousands of ppl that live a very stable life being bipolar with out meds and...and as far as us blaming others is not something i do...i take blame for what i have done...

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07/05/2009 03:28 PM
Ronnadeane

I found out that my husband(who is BP) had been looking at porn on the internet, practically everyday. The thing that bothered me the most was that he was not touching me. We have been married 10 months and only make love about once every 6 weeks. So my mind kept wondering - is he having an affair ? It finally came to a head one night and I comfronted him about it. He lied right to my face even tho I had the proof. Things have been terrible since.
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