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11/18/2007 10:46 AM

why are bi-polar people so hurtful to there spouse

trouble
troublePosts: 9
Member

Today is a horrible day my husband has insulted me several times and now he wants to know if I have low self esteeem. Well dah! If someone is consistently putting you down you are going to feel insecure. So why is bi-polar people so mean to there spouse. Sad
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11/18/2007 12:14 PM
damselndistress
damselndistressPosts: 17370
VIP Member

I really don't have an appropriate answer for that one but you can work on it.

Just continue to tell him you don't want to be talked to that way and you feel it is harmful for your relationship.

I have made a huge difference in the way my husband treats me, it has taken a long time and it was pretty ugly. Some of the things he has said and done have been down right horrible.

Like a 3 year old in a grown up body.

Hang in there and don't believe anything that he says about you. The first blame is always that YOU have low self esteem or are insecure.

I would question why does he desire to talk to his wife that way? (He probably doesn't know the answer to that either.) I would just reinforce, well I want that to stop.

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11/18/2007 12:15 PM
jlh1956
jlh1956  
Posts: 396
Member

Read up on Cognitive Distortions, you can find info on the web about this - they distort reality - it takes psychtherapy to teach them how to think more normally - their brains lie to them - I think this might help - they tipically have a lot of anger (rage) inside and it comes out on us unfortunately. Don't feel insecure, often times they are trying to make you feel that way, it somehow eases their own mental torment - pretty sad.

I want to emphasize

trying" because it is intentional on their part - something I found hard to accept. But from my researh this is what I have read.

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11/18/2007 03:01 PM
billiegail
billiegailPosts: 13
Member

I'm bi-polar and I go through moments of rage. I have been hateful and mean and I hate it and it is hard to control. I have to be alone and I am thankful that my family understands that when I go off by myself or isolate myself from them, it is to keep from hurting them. I will rant and rave to myself and think all kinds of horrible stuff that I don't want directed towards my family. I wish it was something we could control, but it isn't. The hurting them (the friends and famiy) can be controlled by avoiding people as much as possible when we feel so much hate and rage. If someone can't avoid them, I can only hope they are able to just keep their mouths shut and just nod when asked questions.

I know that sounds odd, but it will keep the mouth from opening because our brain and our bodies are in a state that we have little control over.

It is like getting hit on the hand with a hammer. You have to scream or the pain boils over.

God bless

BillieGail

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11/18/2007 05:52 PM
jennipurr
jennipurr  
Posts: 80
Member

thanks for posting. my husband is bipolar and currently not stable on his meds. as much as i try to understand, i can't help but to take it personally when he doesn't want to be with me. he says and does very hurtful things to me, but when he seems ok, i want to be with him, i guess when he feels out of control he distances himself from me, but i feel very lonley.
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11/18/2007 06:11 PM
rrpurdue
Posts: 64
Member

i can relate to you. my ex girlfriend who has bp left for really i dont understand which is the third time and has stopped all contact with me by changing her number. it hurts so much i dont know how to describe it. all this after she was talking about the future with me. its really confusing and never knowing if hear from her again is the worst.
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11/18/2007 06:39 PM
jennipurr
jennipurr  
Posts: 80
Member

i'm so sorry you are hurting, but there are times when i wish i would've paid attention to all the warning signs before i married my husband. i feel so helpless sometimes, my life will always be uncertain. maybe after all the hurt, you can find a normal mate, i feel like it's too late for me, but maybe you can have a normal life. good luck
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11/18/2007 09:16 PM
polarbear
sheilabeila  
Posts: 262
Member

I'm bipolar and I agree that I often act out in a rude manner towards my family at times, especially when I'm in one of my depressive, aggitated moods. I always feel guilty after... when I think about the way I have treated them. I do NOT curse at them or put them down, but I just tend to push them away from me when I'm feeling like this. (I was raised in an abusive home so there is noway that I would want to put my kids and husband through what I seen growing up, so I try my best to control that aspect!) My children are very lovable and cuddly to me but when I'm feeling "bad" I tell them get away and that I need space. I also tend to get a little resentful at times towards my husband and push him away also. I don't mean to be this way, but I feel smothered, like I need to breathe. Usually when I am feeling this way, I try to sleep it off or just go lie down somewhere so I wont be bothered... I don't want to do or say anything hurtful so I prefer to be alone. It's a terrible feeling... I know thats no excuse, but remember IT IS US THAT IS FEELING BAD, IT IS NOT YOU!!!
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11/18/2007 09:32 PM
Darklite
Darklite  
Posts: 49
Member

This is awful to say and share but its about anger and bipolar...(forgive my spelling errors)

Last night I was driving home and my husband called me and said he had something to talk to me about when I got home. I wasent angery when I got home but then he said he had figured out the password to my email and he was snoping and reading my emails. I dont have nothing to hide but I was so mad that he did that and that he doesnt trust me that I went from calm to enraged in less then a sec. Well when I came back to reality I was standing over my husband on the couch chocking him really hard. I looked in his eyes and he said " I know this isnt you, its your bipolar~~I luv you" I let him go and went into a crying fit. This morning I told him I was very sorry.

So I guess I have the same ? as you do..why do we act the way we do to our spouses and why do the true ones stay by our sides no matter what?

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11/18/2007 09:39 PM
polarbear
sheilabeila  
Posts: 262
Member

I have no idea... I have put my husband through pure hell for the last couple years, yet he has stood beside me. He tries to understand me and he is always there for me... making sure I have taken my meds, asking how I am feeling... it amazes me that someone can love me this much after I have been so hurtful to him.

Honestly, I would be pretty PO'ed if my husband was snooping around in my stuff too, but I guess they are wondering what else is going through our heads... we seem to be such an unstable group of people that they must wonder what else we are getting ourselves into??? I have given my husband reason to not trust me, during one of my manic episodes, I had an affair. It was a bad thing and I told him 2 hours after it happend, yet he chose to stand beside me and try to get me help. Since then, I have tried to commit suicide, so he's always on his toes trying to help me get through the bad times.

I guess he realizes that for 9 years of our marriage, I was not like this... my bipolar has progressed badly in the last few years. I had signs before but after having my last child I became "evil"! Yet, he still stands beside me...

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