I was diagnosed as bipolar three years ago (I'm 33) For about fifteen years before that, I struggled with the mood swings. I had been misdiagnosed with Major Depression and had gone through every anti-depressent imaginable. Nothing helped, in fact, they made it worse. After I was diagnosed BP, they put me on Lamictal and it helped.

Now though, I'm struggling. That is why I found this group. I feel that I need a littel support right now. I attempted suicide in May, and ended up in the hosptal psych ward. (voluntary) But after a day there I attempted suicide IN the hospital and they shipped me upstairs to the committed unit. That was very, very scary.

Lately I have been struggling with suicidal temptations again. They are very strong, and I thought maybe if I got involved in a support group it could help me. I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow (thank God) and maybe he will adjust my medication. I'm fightin through the feelings, but I need some extra support right now.

I have been struggling for so long, and its been so hard. I often feel that suicide is the only way out. I talked to a few friends about my feelings and they are being very supportive. I love my friends and family and don't want to hurt them, and that is why I'm still here. Although sometimes I feel my family would be better off without me. Anyone feel that sometimes? Suicide just seems so attractive, but I am trying to get help.

Thanks for listening.

If you think the world means nothing think again you mean the world to someone else.

What you see depends on what you are looking for
]

I've contemplated suicide more times than I care to count but here's the thing, I could never do it, no matter how strong the impulse beause to do it, would finally admit defeat, and I'm stubborn. I won't let this beat me. I just won't.

There's usually someone on here 24/7 so this board is a fantastic resource and support system I've found.

Oooh... shiny!

I had the misdiagnosis early on, with just the depression part of it, but was spared too long, of mistreatment. I think within a month I was simply "coming out of my skin," and felt like i had a "perpetual pot of coffee,' in me. It was yucky-speedy hyper time.

Last October i cut mysely really bad. I certainly had no suicidal intentions, but injured myself enough, that i could have died. Once 911 came with the cavalry, i went straight to the upstairs, on an involuntary 72 hr. hold. A hearing sprung me by the 6th day, because after the 72 hr hold, a 14 day hold was placed on me, though voided by an arbitrator/judge. That stuff wasn't fun. it was scary in there. i will never forget it, and the things i saw, and i mean the doctors too. I got stuck with a bad one, who I later learned INDEED has a bad reputation.

I don't want to put myself in the hands of icky people like that again, and neither should you have to.

You know what though? We made it and are here to tell our story, and heal. We got this far, and really should pat ourselves on the back.

I hope you find peace here as i have.

Take care, and best of luck with the doctor!

But giving up is tempting.

I'm sorry - is what I wrote too graphic- I don't want to trigger anyone.

But thanks.

I'll check in later.

You don't always get the answers you want to hear though.

Oooh... shiny!

It's hard.

But thank you for listening.

so many people have been so supportive- I had two e-mail friends who I told about the suicidal feelings and they were both very compassionate. Sometimes people surprise you with how much they care.