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04/17/2010 11:23 AM

engaged to be engaged to someone with BP

elicorreimas
Posts: 3
Member

Hello! I'm new here and I thought I'd share my story with everyone.

I am with someone who is bipolar. I just found this site today while looking for topics on bipolar disorder and tips on how to deal with it.

Here's the VERY abridged version of my story!

I found out my boyfriend was bipolar about 6 months into our relationship, (we've been together 7 years now)and when he mentioned it, I didn't really think anything of it. He "self-medicated" with "herbs" and it was all good. Sure, he seemed depressed more often than not, but he explained that it was him and not me. So, again, I didn't really stress about it. Then we moved in together and I don't know what happened...we started arguing more frequently and it was just downhill (well more like "rollercoaster"Wink from there. This went on for years and things were getting bad. I really didn't know what BP disorder was until his mother explained it to me (as she was diagnosed with it as well).

Once it was explained to me, I did a little more research and then everything fell into place & made more sense. At first, I thought that his mood swings, hurtful comments, suicidal tendencies, etc. were because of me. He's very good at convincing me (during the argument) that everything is my fault and he wouldn't act the way he did if I didn't push him into it. Afterwards, he's comes to me and sincerely apologizes! I know he means it but then it happens again. We could argue over something trivial and it turns in to something else and we argue for more than a few hours. What could have taken 5 minutes has now turned in to a 4-8 hour argument!

I know I can't totally bring him out of the depression, but I just do what I can to make it a little more bearable. I've read on other sites (and on here as well) that I need to take care of myself first, but HOW do I do that? I can't seem to walk away from him to calm myself down during one of his episodes without inciting another issue of me just walking away. When I try to take care of my needs first, I'm being told I'm selfish and care about no one but me. I find myself slipping in to a depression and I'm just at a loss as to what to do anymore.

He has trouble holding down a job and attending school and (without going into too much detail) our financial world is a mess! He REFUSES to take prescribed meds and the only other thing that could help him is expensive. Seeing as how our financial world is a mess, I have no clue what to do to without putting myself into more of a financial bind.

The depression that results is like a chain of nasty events for him that ultimately results in (from his standpoint) no one loving or respecting him, everyone is out to screw him, everyone else is better than he is, and he hates the world and God because both have wronged him...

My question is just...how do I (in the midst of a stressful situation) keep him from slipping even further in to his depression? AND What do we do to help deal with this without prescribed medication?

I just needed to vent...sorry. It's hard when no one I know personally has to deal with this. They think I'm embellishing my story or that he's just a jerk and I should leave him. When in reality it's quite the opposite. He's a good man with a good heart but he's just bipolar.

Post edited by: elicorreimas, at: 04/18/2010 08:01 PM

Post edited by: elicorreimas, at: 04/18/2010 08:03 PM

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04/17/2010 12:15 PM
uppitywoman
uppitywoman  
Posts: 42707
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hello and welcome. I'm sorry your situation is as it is. I don't have much in the way of an answer for your question because my bipolar is managed by medications, which would honestly make him feel better and not just improve things. One thing I do, however, for depression that is not medication is exercise a lot. It really does help with depression. So does getting out in the sunshine. I'm sure there are others here who do not take meds who will be able to give you more help.

04/17/2010 12:34 PM
HelpEr82
HelpEr82  
Posts: 1002
Senior Member

OH MY GOODNESS!! HOW TERRIBLE! ITS SO TERRIBLE THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND IS BIPOLAR AND YOU ARE COMING ON A BIPOLAR WEBSITE TO VENT ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND WHO IS BIPOLAR!! MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO TO THE BIPOLAR FAMILY SUPPORT TO VENT ABOUT HIM! IM SORRY, IM BIPOLAR, AND I DONT WANNA HEAR YOU BITCH ABOUT SOMEONE BEING BIPOLAR! SORRY, LEAVE HIM OR DEAL WITH IT. HAVE HIM TAKE MEDS OR TAKE MEDS YOURSELF. FIND THE FAMILY SUPPORT. YOU ARE RUDE.

04/17/2010 01:23 PM
elicorreimas
Posts: 3
Member

#1 - I wasn't being rude, I was looking for advice.

#2 - If I posted to the wrong forum, forgive me. I said I was new here.

#3 - I can possibly understand that you're going through whatever it is you're going through, but please I would appreciate it if you didn't take it out on me.

Have a good one, I'll look for advice/support elsewhere.

Post edited by: elicorreimas, at: 04/17/2010 01:27 PM


04/17/2010 02:05 PM
unbalanceddave
unbalanceddave  
Posts: 160
Member

elicorreimas welcome, and you are welcome here. We also offer many other support groups that might have a better perspective to your problems. So please don't go away just because one of our members was RUDE to you.

As For you helpEr82, lighten up and stop acting like a insensitive monster. You are out of line. This kind of behavior hurts everyone who witnesses it, especially yourself!


04/17/2010 02:32 PM
YorkieLove
YorkieLove  
Posts: 7033
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Hello. To answer one of your questions, I would like to tell you about a therapy called Dark Therapy. It is med free. Please see the article on www.psycheducation.com

Post edited by: YorkieLove, at: 04/17/2010 03:03 PM


04/17/2010 05:33 PM
Sassyisshe
 
Posts: 15
Member

HelpEr82

That sir/ma'am was extremly rude of you. You

exspect people to be excepting of your illness so in return you should be empathetic to someone elses issues. I'm sure the reason she came and asked for advice from is is because well we live with it everyday who else better to go talk then someone who lives with it.

Therapy is a good option. Learn what his triggers are. From exsperience I my self can be very manipulative... No that that's not him talking it's the part of the brain that doesn't function right for him. I've been un medicated for a while now and believe me when I say this if he doesn't get some kind of help it will destroy his life.


04/18/2010 09:44 AM
HelpEr82
HelpEr82  
Posts: 1002
Senior Member

ok so i was rude. i did think it was hurtful and rude for someone to come here and be rude and complain about someone being bipolar and having a drug problem and not taking their rx meds though and it was hurtful to me. alot of people do that. sorry.

04/18/2010 09:45 AM
HelpEr82
HelpEr82  
Posts: 1002
Senior Member

but im not a monster Sad

04/18/2010 09:53 AM
Dit
Dit  
Posts: 13722
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

A lot of significant others (SO) do come to this group (they are welcome here too), and at times express a lot of frusteration over their situation and yes it can come across being rude, hateful, critical...etc

For most of us here being bipolar ourselves, these kinds of posts can "press our buttons" and/or trigger us too. Thats why it is important to keep an open mind when these posts from SOs come in. These people are scared of the unknown and feel alone and want our input and understanding of their situations.

Its alright that you expressed yourself the way you did, and unbalancedave expressed himself too...this place is a safe place to say what you need to say.

Glad you've posted again expressing how this post effected you. I do understand, and i'm sure a lot of others here, what you were feeling and going thru when you posted here.Smile

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