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Losingmyself Posts: 5
Member
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How do you let someone you love go because they are destroying you? I know he is sick. And I wish so badly I could help him. But I know I can't and in turn its killing me inside. I am unable to be me, I don't even know who me is anymore. I have lived through him. Every up and every down. I have 3 daughters who go through it with us. When he's up and happy and life is beautiful, then Mommy is happy. When Mommy is happy, they are happy and nothing could be more beautiful. But when he's self destructing and on a path of rage and anger then Mommy is upset, sad, mad, frustrated, losing herself to his illness. My daughters lose their Mommy and themselves. I need to let him go but fear the outcome, I fear if I stay and I fear if I let go. Neither will be what I want. I just wanted him to love us. To be a happy family. And in the end whichever it is I will not be happy. I have to let go of a man that I thought was my soulmate or I hold on to a man who destroys us. I need therapy, I came into this relationship a loving caring woman and I am leaving it torn, broken and feeling worthless. His illness has made me feel like I wasn't worth him getting better. Then I learn he may never get better. And that all of this isn't who he is. Its his illness that takes over him and is beyond his control. Does anyone have any advice on letting go? I love him so much, I know that I have too, but I don't know how too. I don't feel strong enough mentally because of this stupid love feeling I have. and how do I even go about telling him when I try to tell him its over he goes on a rage, wanting to kill me, my family, and anyone close to me. And I know him, he is capable of doing this, he loses control completely to his anger. Thank you for taking the time to read. Suffering from an illness that doesn't belong to me
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norma  Posts: 10109
Group Leader
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First of all none of the abuse was your fault. Look at his past history of relationships. He is a person who is incapable of returning love. Moving on is essential for your survival. Instead of directly confronting him just don't return phone calls, go visit or otherwise continue the relationship. Since he is violent do it in a non-confrontational way. Being sucked into his drama is something over which you have control. Like drugs you just have to say NO. Getting professional help for your self and your co-dependant behavior will help. Read the book WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH. The behavior you describe him exhibiting is more than bipolar disorder. Ask your therapist. He has control of his behavior. Does he go up and punch other people? Does he hit policemen, other men, or anyone else? If not then he has control. Saying he does not have control of his behavior is making excuses for him. This is going to be hard but someone has to say this to you. He doesn't love you. Not from the way he is acting. He may be incapable of loving anyone. Time to start putting closure to this bad experience. You have control of your own life. I hope you will make the choices that you need to make in order to be safe. Comments made by me are from my own experience and they are my opinion alone, whose intent is only to share that opinion and not to give medical advice nor discourage from seeking medical help. Medicine is best left to the professionals that is what they do.
"In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
Rest in Peace, Gloria...you will be missed. |
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jritchie Posts: 9229
VIP Member
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Sweetheart, you need to leave and to stay away. Yes, it's hard, it's very hard. But those 3 beautiful daughters deserve better than this. So find the strength for them. You don't want them to grow up thinking that this is a normal way to be treated by men. Honey, I was there. I had 4 kids, and those 4 kids are why I left. It was hard, oh yeah, but it would have been harder staying. Now things are good. I feel good about myself, my kids are grown and happy and healthy. Get some therapy, yes. Find some support. If you are a religous woman, ask for help in your church. I know you think you love him, but you love the idea of what could be, and it ain't there anymore. I'm so sorry for that, but you need to move on. For your babies. Please be safe and choose to be safe. Let us know. They call me Jrock :)
I'm still alive....Pearl Jam
Bipolar 1
Trileptal 1200 mg
Klonopin .5 mg up to 4 times per day
Lamictal
Wellbutrin
Singular (for allergies) |
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bejeweled Posts: 1374
Senior Member
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I think almost everyone in here has left and abusive relationship or two in their time. There is life after this. What helped me was doing research on battered women's syndrome. Whether he is hitting you or not - it is very much like a hostage situation and those feeling of guilt don't necessarily come from loving him - they come from loving his potential. Being in love with someone's potential rarely works. It certianly isn't fullfilling in any meaningful way. If he gets violent you have to call the cops. You might have to hide out for a while. I did for a couple of months when I left my first husband. I stayed at a safe house in the city with my daughter until I got on my feet. Luckily for me that is how long it took for him to latch onto someone else. So he was caught up in abusing her for the most part. There is life after this. You will be relieved beyond your wildest dreams!! You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen
Do or do not. There is no try. -YODA
"Someone call the doctor, got a case of love bipolar. Stuck on a roller coster and can't get off this ride."
-Kate Perry Hot & Cold. |
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norma Posts: 10109
Group Leader
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Comments made by me are from my own experience and they are my opinion alone, whose intent is only to share that opinion and not to give medical advice nor discourage from seeking medical help. Medicine is best left to the professionals that is what they do.
"In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
Rest in Peace, Gloria...you will be missed. |
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