I am a mother of 2 babies (5 mths old & 20 mths old) and have been married for 4 years. I first want to say that 70% of the time my H is great. He works really hard, he’s super funny and amusing, he loves his children and loves spending time with us as much as possible. But my husband (H), brother(BIL) and father(FIL) are all bipolar and there are of course obstacles that come with it. BIL has been hospitalized for months on end. FIL (undiagnosed) physically abused his children, has spent all their money and almost lost their house several times, has serious anger issues, and when down will stay in bed for days and not go to work. My H (dr says he has all signs but the only way to get diagnosed would be to seek psychiatric help, which he wont do), compares himself to his father and tells me "I could have it worse.." and plays it off like I just have to deal with his mood swings. He is currently on Zoloft and mostly does very well on it. I know he loves me and our children more than anything, but when he’s irritable we’re the ones that suffer the most with his snappy attitude, yelling, banging and/or throwing stuff around. When he's not angry, he's on a high, talks A LOT, spends tons of money (but justifies all his purchases as "needs"), wants to be overly affectionate, calls me on the phone some times 20+ times a day.

We've had a few minor physical altercations, when he was younger he tried to commit suicide, he's jumped out of a car on the highway (don't know if it was BP or alcohol) cuz he didn't want to live and I fear that now with the stress from 2 babies he may just snap. I would NEVER leave him alone with the infant for fear he would get frustrated and shake her. Every day I think about getting out but worry about custody issues. But I remember with 1st child I felt the same way, and now don't worry since son can express his needs. I just hope that it will improve when the infant gets a little older. Like I said before, 75% of the time he's a terrific guy, it's just the other 25% I worry about. He thinks I am overreacting.

I don't know what's best for my kids? How do I be a protective mother and a supportive wife? Sometimes I feel like I'm punishing him in advance at the worry he'll become as bad as his father. I know it's not fair, but my Mother in law told me he didn't get back until after the kids were born. He wont see a psychiatrist because he had to when he was younger. We both want him to try a different med but are TERRIFIED that we'll go through what we did the last time he tried a new med. **sigh** I guess I have to go home now...

Thanks for listening...

There is really no choice here when it comes to good wife or good mother. When you gave birth to the kids you obligated your life to them. They did not ask to be born and they were a decision you made. The husband is an adult and is responsible and accountable for his actions. By staying with an unstable man who acts like an irresponsible child, you are condoning his actions. We love because we are loved, Shandalyn. There is very little love in being as selfish as your husband is. In order to raise those 2 children with love and security, you cannot allow this to be accepted by your kids as normal adult behavior. Kids learn from their immediate examples. Do you want them to think your husbands tantrums are normal? I think it is time to draw the line in the sand as far as what you expect out of your husband and what you will not accept. For example; if he doesn't get help you will leave or he must. As a bipolar myself, I need boundries. I always know right from wrong, and solitude is my answer. Throwing things and breaking things is absolutely unacceptable. You have got to get tough here. You don't have to live with this kind of upheaval in your life. Your acceptance of this immature behavior is uncalled for. I think it's time to start spending some of this enrgy on yourself. Your children have no one if you lose yourself in your husbands insecuritiies. Until there is a formal diagnosis of a mental illness, you can't blame his behavior on it. Right now your husband is your run of the mill bully. He is acting the part of a tyrant and a jerk. Remember that he will only to to you what you allow him to do.

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-support-forums/ lounge/107858-breakin-up-is-hard-to-do-divorce-abuse-etc

It is about the very things you have discribed.

Hope you make yourself at home here. There are those of us with bipolar disorder as well as people who are spouses, SO, friends and have children who have bipolar.

I am both, I have bipolar disorder and have a grown son who has it also.

The Gloria and bejeweled have both given you good advice. Whether, he is bipolar or not he is not giving a 100% to the marriage.

You may need to seek some professional counseling for yourself. Sometimes, an outside party can help you to make choices that you many not realize are available to you.

But anyway, welcome to the site and the group! Everyone here is super, super nice just like those lovely ladies before me.

Just remember that you're not alone. They've given you such good advise that really, I don't have anything to add. On here you'll find the truth, though it may not always be the truth that you want to hear.

Oooh... shiny!

Friday night I could tell he was in a mood, so I took our son outside to stay out of his way while he made dinner. Son has a small kiddie pool that was full of green water. Since I was out there I was trying to dump the water out. Husband saw me through the window and opens the door to say "move, I'll do it", he then proceeded to dump the water, pick up the pool and throw it across the yard. He said I was going to break it the way I was doing it...ummm...throwing it is better??? *sigh*

My mother in law also informed me that she too talked to him. She told him he only gets 1 chance to make it work. I informed her that I will not stay if I fear him hurting the kids. She understood which was nice and actually pretty surprising. I think she sees herself in me.

That night I asked him to get help. At first he denied everything and got defensive, but I kindly reminded him of a few recent occerences. I reminded him that it's not fair to the kids. He finally agreed to see a doctor. THANK GOODNESS! Now, I need advice on how to find a really good doctor? I know I'm going to get 1 chance to make this work. Any suggestions?

I know the next ordeal is going to be "I've been fine for x days. See, I can control it myself and don't need help..."

You might want to go to the above link for support groups in your area.

Also Google Search for your State and then find psychiatrists in your area...call and ask them if they are familiar with bipolar disorder and treatment of it.