Bipolar Support Group

Hi, my name is Lauren and I am bipolar. I came here to find some understanding and connect with people who know what I am going through. I recently decided to stop my medication. I dont feel differently. I haven't been having any manic episodes. I stay in a constant state of depression, even when I was on my meds. I would actually welcome a manic episode. Its be a nice change from the way I've been feeling lately.

Life has been difficult lately. I got married and moved to Los Angeles. I am starting a new life here, but nothing feels different. I'm still sad. Even more so because my cat just passed away suddenly. I have no friends in this new place and I feel like a prisoner in my own house.

Back home I've burnt just about every bridge I had with people. I have a job out here but I feel like I'm having a hard time actually connecting with people. Nobody's reached out to me to invite me anywhere or anything. Not saying they are obligated to. But work is the only time I can connect with other people. My husbands friends are the only kind of social experience that I've had.

My husband and I have been fighting over some emotional infidelities on my part. We just got married. Its put a strain on my relationship, he reads through my e-mails and wouldn't be surprised if he read this post. Its like I have no privacy at all. I deleted my facebook that helps me stay in touch with friends and family back home and feel like I'm becoming a recluse. I feel like I dont take care of myself anymore. I dont want to go anywhere or do anything. I just want to lay around and sleep. I have problems staying asleep at night and often sleep eat. My huband loves to point this out to me every day. I wish he would just leave me alone about it. Its something that embarasses me. I dont know what to do about the sleep eating. I dont know I do it sometimes, and then sometimes the compulsion is unbearable. So as a result I starve myself when I am concious.

I dont have health insurance, nor can I afford to get any, nor can I afford my meds anymore even if I wanted to take them. I want to believe in my heart that I'm a normal person. I want to be med free and just learn coping skills. I guess thats why I'm here. I just need the support of others to ease my pain. I look at myself in the mirror and I get angry. I feel fat, ugly, unworthy. I guess thats it for now. I have more to share but dont have the energy to write it all down and overload you with a bunch of whining. I'd love to hear if you can relate or understand or have any advice for me. If you have any questions I welcome them.

Lauren, welcome to the group. You have come to a supportive place and I know you will make friends here, you won't be alone anymore.

I am one on medication so I am stabilized, but sometimes I still have bouts of depression. I did recently. One thing that really helped me was exercise. It's amazing how much that helps. I encourage you to begin doing something, even if it's just walking at least a mile everyday. Eating right is important, too. Starving yourself is only contributing to your depression. Choose healthy foods and eat enough to keep sufficient calories for your body.

I'm sorry you have such a poor self image. That, too, only feeds depression. Try looking in the mirror and tell yourself more positive self talk. You are tackling a difficult task of going it without meds and therapy. That takes courage. You could just be in bed ALL the time like some do, but you are reaching out instead. You know you have a problem and are trying to do something and that takes honesty, too. So there are two positive things you can tell yourself.

I know others will have other suggestions for you. Again, welcome. Feel free to post elsewhere on the site.

Hello and welcome. You have come to the right place for support and encouragement. The symptoms that you describe sound very depressive to me. I second Uppity's suggestions about diet, exercise and therapy. There are probably a free or lowcost mental health clinic in your area. You might try going there for help.

One last thing that I would like to recommend is making sure that you get enough sleep. Eating regular meals might stop the sleep eating. I sometimes sleep eat when I missed dinner.

I hope that you make new friends and feel better soon.

i go through a sliding fee scale clinic for meds an therpy an its been a real life saver cause its just crazy how much bi polar meds are but alot the sliding fee clinics give out samples an there are programs run threw the companys that make the meds to make them afordible for people with no insurance. i went off my meds for few years an i ended up self medacting worse than before an after a while i could just feel somthing bad comming on an that was when i decided i better get some help again. most countys have a county mental health run by the state. u really should think about stopping all meds . o ya ..welcolme to the group.