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02/02/2010 04:43 AM

Well, this is a first...

achilles

I was diagnosed with bipolar 16 years ago and have been in remission since then. I don't take meds and when the mood swings came, especially the lows, I would just deal with it. And that approach worked really, really well...

...until recently.

In the past 6 months, I've had to put my mother into a nursing home, watch my long time therapist (and the guy who rescued me from myself 16 years ago) crawl into a bottle as his wife was dying of cancer, and I've gotten into a love triangle from hell with a woman who, while wonderful, is showing herself to be not an adult.

The cumulative effect of all of this while trying to build my career and do graduate school at the same time has been devastating. I've slipped into a low the likes of which I haven't experienced since back when I was first sick. I feel it in my stomach. I can't sleep through the night. I can't really eat. And when I cry, my entire body trembles uncontrollably. While I know from experience I'm going to pull out of this, I'm in hell this morning.

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02/02/2010 05:19 AM
Dit
Dit  
Posts: 13729
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Heilo & Welcome. My heart goes out to you, feeling low can be very devastating both physically & mentally. Your list of stresses has caught up to you & its no wonder you are feeling low. Numerous people have lived with mild bipolar symptoms and can still function fairly well, even non-medicated like yourself, but you have now been triggered and your cup is overflowing. I was high-functioning working full-time for 10 yrs (was on an anti-dep & low dosage of anti-anxiety meds).

I would like to suggest that you contact your doctor asap, like today, and tell him all thats been happening. He may prescribe medication, i don't know, and may even refer you to a psychiatrist (pdoc).

Glad you have found us. This is a very supportive group with others who live with bipolar; hearing first-hand from other bipolar members has helped me understand how this illness affects me therefore am better able to cope and be more gentle with myself when bipolar symptoms arise.

I used to have a lot of lows but since finding this place i come online daily and don't have as many lows anymore, i've even made friends here, hope you do too.

Post edited by: Dit, at: 02/02/2010 05:50 AM


02/02/2010 07:57 AM
uppitywoman
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Posts: 42707
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Welcome to the group. I am really sorry you are feeling so very low. You have a lot to deal with. Dit is right, contact your Dr. and see about finding a pdoc who can help you right now. Medications might help considerably.

Feel free to post elsewhere and get the support you need. We are here for one another. I know you will make friends here.


02/02/2010 02:36 PM
achilles

Thanks for welcoming me on board.

When the low comes, when it's at its most devastating, I've said aloud "I don't want this anymore", this meaning bipolar.

I'm seeing my PCP on Thursday for a previously scheduled physical.


02/02/2010 03:06 PM
YorkieLove
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While some PCP's are skilled at treating bipolar, they are rare. It would be much better for you to see a psychiatrist (pdoc).

I can relate to you with the excessive stress that you are now facing. I went through something similar and had a nervous breakdown. It was before I was diagnosed and they gave me antidepressants and stimulants at the same time.

When I crashed, I did not recover for 4 years. Once properly diagnosed it has taken almost 1 1/2 years to feel close to normal.

Please do not let them prescribe you antidepressants without a mood stabilizer. Many docs, especially family docs don't know this. I don't want to see you suffer the way I have.

Things will get better, but you have to do your part. See a pdoc, then follow your treatment plan.

Best wishes.


02/02/2010 04:02 PM
achilles

Yeah, it was if the dam just gave way. Everything hit me like a ton of bricks Sunday night. I couldn't stop shaking; I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't sleep. It was hell. What stinks is I understand exactly what's going on, but I can't control the low when it gets this bad.

02/02/2010 04:30 PM
YorkieLove
YorkieLove  
Posts: 7033
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Believe me, I know exactly what you're dealing with. No one can control it when your brain goes haywire, so don't beat yourself up.

Everything will be fine. It may take a little while to improve, but you will feel better soon. Just work with your doctor.

((((((((Hugs))))))))))

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