My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We have no kids together.AT first, he was wonderful and treated me like a queen. We had a long distance relationship and then I moved to his city.He had taken me looking for rings and stated that he planned to marry me. That's when everything changed...

It was like a new person that he had been hiding, completely took over.I noticed that he didn't really have any friends but just considered him as a loner.As time went on, I noticed that he could not maintain friendships. One minute they were the greatest and the next they were all bad.His spending habits were rediculous! He would purchase lavish gifts for himself constantly.He began to start businesses and projects that for some reason, he would never finish.His relationship with his mother is very strained.His family doesn't really deal with him. They appear to walk on egg shells around him.Living with him is a nightmare!!!One minute, he adores me. I am the greatest thing on earth. The next minute, his financial stress and everything else, is my fault. It's like one minute he wants me to be close to him and the next he doesn't. Often he cries and tells me how lonely he feels.It makes me feel as though I am responsible for his happiness.He wont see a therapist and feels that nothing is wrong with him. He has these bouts of rage that may only last for a few hours and then he is fine. I often fear what he may do.He has never been officially diagnosed because he wont see anyone. I am already preparing to leave him. I love him but I cant take the emotional abuse and walking on egg shells. Any advice or words of encouragement are greatly appreciated.

Post edited by: anonymous, at: 10/28/2007 10:06

Until he admits he could have a problem and is willing to seek help things will be the same. There is nothing you can do to MAKE him change. Lasting change takes time, energy and drive from each person.

It sounds from your post that your boyfriend doesn't feel he has a problem with his behaviour/thought process/anger/moods so no change is necessary in his mind.

Because of that I would advise you, as hard as it is, to leave the relationship. Not because there are problems with it, as there are problems in every relationship, but because he's unwilling to accept he has problems, and accept the fact that they are weighing so drastically and negatively on his relationship with you, and, from your post, his relationship with his family also.

What I would do if I were in your situation is:

-Make a list, either written, or in your mind, of the things that you need to be happy and content in a relationship.

Also make a list of the things you will absolutely not continue to accept in the relationship--AKA deal breakers-- (for example, verbal abuse).

-Have a heart to heart discussion with your boyfriend about these lists. Tell him as much as you love him his actions, or lack thereof are really hurting you and the relationship. Leave the ball in his court and give him some time to think things over.

Give yourself a time limit (that he doesn't know about), IE 3 months, your birthday, whatever. If you see positive change in him before the time limit continue the relationship...if you don't, you'll know that it's time to move on and forward with your life.

Keep in mind too, that there will be good days and bad days. If you're having mostly good days and a few bad days that's ok, but if it's the other way around and it's been like that for some time it's probably time to move on.

Post edited by: September, at: 10/28/2007 15:09