Bipolar Support Group

MRFABLES, The truth hurts but here it is. She is the only one that can decide she want to get better and get help. There is nothing and I mean "nothing" you can do to help her until she decides to get healthy.

"she is being punished now..." GIVE ME A BREAK!!! What ever is happening is the consequences of an action taken! We all must eventually accept responsibility and deal with the outcome of our actions.

FACT: She is in the hospital, best possible place for her to be and stay safe! Hope is that she will realize she needs help while she is there.

If your GF is of age there is nothing mommy can do except get a judge to take action, she can't do anything herself. The only way she can even get medical information on the GF is if GF signs a waiver, it is against the law to do otherwise.

Now for you, while I have no dobut you have feelings for her. YOU CAN DO NOTHING TO HELP HER TIL SHE WANTS HELP!!! For your own benefit go find a councilor for yourself. Stop trying to make excuses for her, as long as you are doing that you are just enableing her... It won't do her or you any good. Read, learn and search out coping methods this is how best to begin the journey.

There are many of us here that know where you are right now... we have been there. A relationship with a person that has bipolar is tough (even when the medication is working), but it is not impossible. Without her taking responsibility for herself it is going to be ALOT harder!

GOD BLESS

RED

Oof!

Thanks Kimminent, I am feeling out of control.

I am feeling lost and heartbroken.

This has been the longest year of my life.

She has so many problems, and noone to help her. Her Mom is a whiny, irresponsible pirhana who left the family with her own problems and now doesn't want to pony up that it's HER FIGHT!; her brothers both have issues with mania disorders; and the one person who COULD have helped her has sadly passed away.

I say COULD, because, like me, he wanted to help her with her mental health issues. She has been diagnosed across the board by so many doctors with so many opinions that you just have to throw your hands up and swear.

I wanted to help her with these issues, but she just can't keep off the nose candy or booze, and I want nothing to do with that kind of life.

Monday night, I told her I'd seen enough, and wanted her to go live by herself, or with her mother. If she didn't get herself into a rehab IMMEDIATELY, I would call the police and get a restraining order. She said she would, and we went to sleep after a harrowing night of anxiety attacks, or withdrawals, whatever comes in whatever wave.

We just found out yesterday that she got in an accident somewhere that night while she was trying to OD and fled the scene. As of her release from the Detox center she's in, probly this Thursday, she will be arrested again, and brought to jail. From there, she is on the short list for a 6 month no phone/no visit assisted living program somewhere in MA. Until then her Mom wants her to stay in a Motel for 6 weeks until a spot opens up. What? This girl a. is a danger to herself (OD, suicide attempts, DWI, OUI, b. a danger to others (DWI, OUI), and c. can't take care of herself.

I hope I am not sounding callous, but I have had enough. I told her Mom to start taking reponsibility, as I have to get my life back. I haven't played the guitar in 8 months. I haven't seen my friends in a year! My parents have been pushed aside, and like I said, I need to get my bank account back together.

Her mom wants me to be there for her, that she can't get thru this without me, but I just think I'm hurting the situation. She uses me as a bargaining chip with everything and everyone. If she doesn't hear what she wants from someone, she just says I'LL do it, and then they feel guilty and call me out of the blue saying WTF? And I say, did you forget overnight that she's a pathological liar?

A very frustrating situation to say the least.

I have talked to her at least 12 times today already, and it's only Noon. Some place she's at. They just let her blow up my phone whenever they want. Twenty calls in a row. I am a busy General Manager at a restaurant, and have the reins on 55 employees.

F#$%!

She's so scared and screwed up, that all she can say is " I am not handling this very well....Joe, I am really not handling this well..." over and over, no exaggeration.

Every phone call is the same. " I am not handling this very well....Joe, I am really not handling this well..." How is this helping her?

Her Mom JUST called me to heap more responsibility on me, and I lost it. I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't stop it. And that's just NOT ME, usually.

I'm usually an iceman, and can keep my emotions in check. Lost it.....

yes I agree with WARHORSE My bf uses use a gp for his meds.

He does not have no clue what he has because he was told by someone 20 years ago that he had bipolar . He is not even sure what type .

Joe, I know this is hard but I think you have already realized that it is time to get off the roller coaster, you have taken a step in the right direction in laying it on the table with mom. As you are both adults, mom is not actually responsible for her legally anymore. It is up to GF to get the help.

It reaches a point in which you have to seperate yourself from the destruction for your own sake. Once things have calmed and she is in a better state to be 1/2 of the relationship maybe you can continue... at a whole new level.

Suggest calling the facility she is at and requesting your work number be put on a no-call list.

GOD BLESS, we are here for you.

RED

Hi mrfables.

Sorry to hear your gf is still struggling with the drugs and her bp disorder. I am glad to see that you have reached out to the great people here for advise. Listen to them, they have a lot of experience and are EXPERTS in living with bipolar disorder and living with s/o's who have bpd.

Nothing wrong with loving her, and being there for her, and trying to guide her to stability. But as you have heard, it is her decision. The hospital is probably a good place for her now. Eventually she might realize what the drugs and lack of attention to her disorder are doing to her, and your relationship with her. Let her know how you feel. Sometimes the truth hurts, but she might need to know how her actions are affecting others.

Let us know how thing pan out, ok?

Paul

mrfables, I understand your grief I am so done with my bp bf . I came to spend the weekend with him . He built stuff all day yesterday . I finally said we need to make dinner at 6:00pm . when i arrived here Friday he took the afternoon off of work at 12 pm told everyone i was coming to visit from NY so he was going to clean the house before i arrived . Well needless to say the house was a mess with dishes in the sink a room taken apart to open it up for the woodshop that he thinks he is going to make money building things . Today 5:30 am bright and early he is up . Well he was up and down all night every 30 mins . anyhow was raring to go early . Starting drinking before i got at 10 am then again starting building and sanded a end table for an hour outside . What i am saying he is doing everything to not have deal with me . he does not feel comfortable dealing with me . He is manaic now and has been so for a month . In total denial too Anyhow when i leave tomorrow to drive home tomorrow we are done i am afraid Tomorrow when i leave bright and early he will be severly depressed as he was a month a ago . I think that is when reality will hit .

Post edited by: diane38, at: 08/31/2008 14:12

Crap, THAT sucks Diane.

Thanks, Red and Paul.

I have to draw the line, it's the only way.

Her Mom may not be LEGALLY responsible for her, but neither am I, and she's not MY child. If it WAS, I'd take the responsibility.

HUGS Joe!

She is the one responsible for her, no one else.