Bipolar Support Group

I got online this evening and googled support groups because I seriously don't know where else to turn. My husband was previously on medication for depression and was seeing a counselor a few times a month. At the time I couldn't see how either the medication or the counseling were doing anything good. The way my husband acts reminds me of bipolar disorder or narcissism. I have spent time online researching his symptoms and the way he acts toward me and I truly believe there is something wrong with his way of thinking. I feel so hopeless. I am exhausted from dealing with his multitude of mood swings and his way of blaming me for everything negative or bad in our relationship. I am currently 8 months pregnant and we also have a 5 year old. I work full time and come home to my 5 year old every evening while my husband works until night time. My husband works 12 hours a day and I barely see him during the week. The times when he is home, I feel like I have to adapt my schedule and my whole life to revolve around his to avoid confrontation. After working all day, pregnant and then coming home dealing with my 5 year old and the other tasks of the day I barely have enough energy to deal with the stress my husband brings home to me. He constantly finds tiny reasons to get mad at me and blow them out of proportion. I feel like if he isn't the center of attention and he isn't getting exactly what he wants or if things aren't done how he wants them...then that's when the confrontation starts. I'm so tired of trying to find ways to cope with this. I cannot talk to him about it. If I even bring any of this up with him, he blows up at me and starts blaming me for everything. He cannot handle any criticism at all, not even in the tiniest form. When I try to tell him that he fails to see things from my point of view, he always tells me that I am the one who fails to see things from HIS point of view. He does that with everything. He turns everything around on me and makes it seem like everything is my fault and that I cause all the problems that we have in our relationship. I don't know what to do anymore. I have no idea how to even cope with this anymore.

Muffnz, No one here can diagnose your husband. Part of BiPolar II is hypomania and major depression. BiPolar I is full blown mania and can also have major depression. Could your husband have a personality disorder? He may or he could just be self centered.

I really feel for you, but no one here could diagnose him. If he is being treated by a Psychiatrist for the depression perhaps you should ask to attend one of the appointments.

From the post it sounds like you may be scared of him. If that is the case and you feel you are in danger please go somewhere safe or call the authorities. Beth

Thanks for your advice. I'm not really looking to diagnose him. I was more or less just looking for some support or someone who was sharing a similar situation as me to see how they handle it. My husband isn't physically violent. His problem is his verbal aggression.

Marrital counseling seems like a good thing for you two, if you can get him to go. You also might attend a doctor's appt with him to give your perspective on his symptoms.

If he refuses to be helped, you will have to make a decision about what is best for you and your children. While many people with mental illness have strained relationships, many do not. Many people who are abusive are just mean and self-centered and may never be diagnosed with anything.

Please take care of yourself. You are living under a great deal of stress and I fear for you.

Hello Muffin,

I'm sorry to hear about the issues with your husband. I know how tough it can be, particularly with you being pregnant.

Speaking as someone who has extreme mood swings, it is tough. It is something that I cannot explain to you but I become frustrated because I can't control how I feel which I end up taking out on my family. It sounds like that is happening with your husband.

I know you said you tried therapy and he tried medication and you didn't feel that helped. I would suggest finding another therapist that you both click with. Men find therapy difficult, they have a hard time opening up...try not to put him on the offense and just tell him how you feel without acusing him...which puts him on the defense.

Someone recently told me to use "I" statements or me...my...insteasd of the YOU statements because that puts other people on the defense.

I've been practicing that and it does help... In the long run, however, you have to take care of yourself and your babies first and have faith that if you love him enough he will come around, acknowledge the problem, and seek answers to turn things around.

Good luck!

Your husband sounds alot like my codependent boyfriend. Codependents are insidious and curel but they make it appear on the surface that they are your saviour.....just my pov.

Thank you for all the advice. I think counseling would probably benefit us the most. I've been getting him to talk to me about it more lately which has also seemed to help. Hopefully he's starting to understand how I feel. I appreciate all the support guys. =)