Just found you all!

I guess I should start at the beginning. We have been together for a little over 3 years now. At first, everything was fine and I knew about the 'depression' ( as he would call it) that he went through in college. He would tell stories of the drinking or cutting himself as ways to numb himself. There wasn't any signs of there still being issues and I didn't want to push the subject. Then after about a year things slowly went downhill. Not many others saw the changes until he became plain depressed about everything. At the time he blamed it on missing his little girl. So I said goodbye to family and friends and we moved back to his hometown. (from Texas to Indiana) Things looked up for about 3 months and then slowly slipped again. Finally they just plain were getting worse. Arguements and fights all the time - no matter what - just everything. They were his 'pressure relief valve'. Big fight for 2 hours, then an hour later as if nothing happened. I started saying "this isn't just depression" and he came back with "it's you". Shortly after the wedding (June'07) I started getting shut out. No more talking to me or was always being told "nothing wrong" or my favorite "it's none of your business". Then the extreme mood swings. The fights got worse. Finally, I convinced him to talk to someone, that it didn't mean he had to be locked up. He admits to thoughts of harming or cutting himself again. The doctor starts saying bipolar. We are still in the beginning process of getting help. He stays in a down mood nonstop. One minute he is spending money and the next he is screaming about debt and the vehicles going to be repossessed. I am having such a hard time keeping up with it. I understand mental disorders - I have been around them all my life. But this one by far is starting to hurt. I don't do well being blocked out. I feel like I am lost at sea hanging on to a piece of driftwood, watching the crashing waves getting closer and closer....

One minute he is spending it like there is no limit, next minute I found out all our utilities are on disconnect notice.

I have nowhere to turn to for help. All of my normal support is 5 states away.

Back to that lost feeling.....

Thanks for joining us. We can always use a shoulder. And we are here for you. Take care!