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Bipolar Community Bipolar Support Forums Introductions & Personal Stories anyone else afraid of the dark?
 

anyone else afraid of the dark?


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06/02/2008 21:16
countrymouse
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 it's one of those nights when i cant seem to handle anything..sometimes its all so overwhelming, it feels like more then i can bear. i am afraid to go to bed because i know where my mind goes...mostly i curse myself..self-hatred and loathing. anyone else out there afraid of the dark? relentless demons?? tortured by suicidal fantasy??

it's wrong, and i know it. even when i'm deep inside the 'episode' but i still cant stop the madness that is my life. i feel ashamed

Post edited by: countrymouse, at: 06/02/2008 21:32

I finally found God
...He was behind the sofa the whole time
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06/02/2008 21:28
norma
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 I am afraid of the dark, and going to bed...I think about the fact that one day I will die. When I start to to where I am thinking things that are dark and sinister I say my prayers. Now I know you are going to say that is simplistic...but, it works for me. I think about all of the good things that I have, my kids, my health, etc. I count my blessings...and concentrate on good things. If bad thoughts creep in there I change the focus...and think of something else...it takes practice. I used to have a real problem with these fears...I know where you are coming from...
"In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan



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    Hello everyone.
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06/02/2008 21:52
countrymouse
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 thanks Norma..again you give wonderful advise. it's like i get stuck in the negative angrysad suckmuck and the more i struggle the deeper i go. i will try taking my mind to better places, and pray more. i'm a believer in the power of prayer...thanks for the reminder
I finally found God
...He was behind the sofa the whole time
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06/02/2008 22:37
norma
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 I wish things could be simple and easy...wouldn't that be nice? We all have to develop coping mechanisms that work for us....hugs...
"In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan



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    Hello everyone.
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06/03/2008 03:36
zinnia
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 don't ever be ashamed. this is not your fault. for some of us, me included, that self loathing thing causes a lot of fear. some would say those fears are unreasonable but when you have uncontrollable thoughts of suicide, they aren't unreasonable at all. that is scary, scary, scary. i'm so sorry you're in that place right now. i've been there. praying and meditating can help, like norma says, and it's so positive that you're even willing to try because it's hard to do when you're not feeling well. hang on and if it gets too bad, call your doctor. demons haunt me all the time. i hold them at bay with my meds and my coping mechanisms, but they never truly go away. you will get to the point where you can live with them, too, without letting them rule your life.

peace and love to you today.

z.

Well behaved women rarely make history.

Thou canst not disturb a flower without the troubling of a star...from "Troubling a Star", by Madelaine L'Engle...we all affect one another by our words and actions...it is our choice whether to do so purposefully and positively, or carelessly and hurtfully...may we all bring to one another the peace that we seek...

"if you want others to be happy, practice compassion. if you want to be happy, practice compassion" the Dahli Laama
Peace-
Zinnia
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06/06/2008 21:19
DaddiesGirl
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 Hi country mouse,

It's so scary being in that place. All the advice you've been given is good. you could also try getting a pet. when i feel the way you do, i hold my dog shadow and he comforts me. somehow he knows i just need to hold him. Has your doctor prescribed tranquilizers? i avoided them at first because of the negative connotations associated with taking them and wanted to use ambien or lunestra, but my doc says Seroquel works better for bipolar people becasue it's also a mood stabilizer. Taking seroquel helps to calm your thoughts and put you to sleep. It gives you wicked dreams but no nightmares. I also take ativan for anxiety. all the drugs in itself can sometimes get overwhelming, but they work. and you wont need them all the time. Talk to your doctor about your feeling at night.
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