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bejeweled
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I would agree with NewDay EXCEPT about the confronting him part. You need proof for yourself. There may not be much point in confronting him and it might not be safe depending on his state of mind. My experience with this is that is has gone both ways. When my girlfriend was Manic, it set off a depressive phase and that we dealt with. Another incident happened with a phone call she made, but she was psychotic when I confronted her - that was absolutely a disaster. You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen
Do or do not. There is no try. -YODA
"Someone call the doctor, got a case of love bipolar. Stuck on a roller coster and can't get off this ride."
-Kate Perry Hot & Cold. |
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sasamel
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I know and i apprectiate what everyone says, it's just hard. I know I have a co-dependant relationship with him, and i'm trying to set boundaries and not fall back but it's hard. I have put myself in debt to try and help him and have dealt with everything from ME being the slut to and manipulative b****. It's hard because once he comes out of the episodes he's ok again. He just honestly believes I am the one making him feel this way. Sometimes he doesn't even sound crazy when he talks, he sounds calm as though he's thought it through. It's been a while since those talks, but now it's just the lying about his money. I try to work WITH him to get his money straight but everytime i relax a little, i find out he has overdraft fees from the bank and he already has 2 credit cards in collections (one he has to go to court for). I just don't know how to help when I don't even know. Why does he lie about his financial state? I mean I know, he knows I know, but he still lies. His mom literally took control of ALL his accounts when he was living at home, and that ended up making him worse, so I don't want to do that, but I just don't know what to do to help him. I know I shouldn't be giving him more money, but I can't let him fall can I? |
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bejeweled
Posts: 1077
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Yes. You can let him fall. There comes a point where you get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Mentally ill or not, he is still an adult. As long as this isn't effecting your credit. Then he will have to deal with it himself. Where does he get the money from to spend? If he gets a judgement against him for the credit card, then at least he won't be offered any more credit for a while. It sounds like there is an argument here for power of attorney. Not saying that you should do it, but it would give you legal protection and standing. This is what Britney Spears' father just went thru with her. Not that I know any Spears (other then Brocoli) but she seems to be bipolar too and very out of control. You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen
Do or do not. There is no try. -YODA
"Someone call the doctor, got a case of love bipolar. Stuck on a roller coster and can't get off this ride."
-Kate Perry Hot & Cold.
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NewDayDawning
 Posts: 170
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bejeweled wrote: I would agree with NewDay EXCEPT about the confronting him part. You need proof for yourself. There may not be much point in confronting him and it might not be safe depending on his state of mind. My experience with this is that is has gone both ways. When my girlfriend was Manic, it set off a depressive phase and that we dealt with. Another incident happened with a phone call she made, but she was psychotic when I confronted her - that was absolutely a disaster. In my case, confrontation was the only way to get my husband to tell me the truth. It didn't always work, but it worked some of the time, and I didn't fear any violence from him because our relationship was never violent. But each person is different, and certainly if violence is a real possibility, then confrontation probably is not the way to go.... |
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NewDayDawning
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sasamel wrote: I know and i apprectiate what everyone says, it's just hard. I know I have a co-dependant relationship with him, and i'm trying to set boundaries and not fall back but it's hard. I have put myself in debt to try and help him and have dealt with everything from ME being the slut to and manipulative b****. It's hard because once he comes out of the episodes he's ok again. He just honestly believes I am the one making him feel this way. Sometimes he doesn't even sound crazy when he talks, he sounds calm as though he's thought it through. It's been a while since those talks, but now it's just the lying about his money. I try to work WITH him to get his money straight but everytime i relax a little, i find out he has overdraft fees from the bank and he already has 2 credit cards in collections (one he has to go to court for). I just don't know how to help when I don't even know. Why does he lie about his financial state? I mean I know, he knows I know, but he still lies. His mom literally took control of ALL his accounts when he was living at home, and that ended up making him worse, so I don't want to do that, but I just don't know what to do to help him. I know I shouldn't be giving him more money, but I can't let him fall can I? You can't help him. You are only making things worse by trying to protect him from the consequences of his actions. Let him fall. |
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illectronic
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Well. My pdoc told me today he's worried I will have sex without condoms lol. I keep my condoms in a big ass sack. I bought a 250 pack to be safe. LOL |
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WARHORSE
Posts: 681
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Sigh... I can tell by your postings that he's already verbally abusive to you: " I have put myself in debt to try and help him and have dealt with everything from ME being the slut to and manipulative b****." Why do you want to put up with this? The only thing that is going to fix it is meds. "He just honestly believes I am the one making him feel this way." To borrow from an older post of mine... I've heard this so many times I could vomit! Don't EVER, EVER buy into this crap. He is an adult and is responsible for his own feelings. You have NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. Unfortunately, the unmedicated mind believes it. "I know I shouldn't be giving him more money, but I can't let him fall can I?" As the others have said, YES YOU CAN AND SHOULD. It's not your job to "fix" him, prop him up, save him, etc., etc. Please don't do this to yourself at your age. "Is this a blessing? Or is it a curse?
Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?
Will it go on forever? Is it over tonight?
Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
Is it richer than diamonds? Or just a little cheaper than spit?"--Jim Steinham
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WARHORSE
Posts: 681
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P.S. It doesn't get any better with age. In fact, the opposite is true--the older an unmedicated BP becomes, generally the worse their symptoms become. I have frequently found that they seem to wait until into their 40's before seeking treatment. If they live that long. Are you willing to live this way for another 15 or 20 years? Did you know that untreated BPs have the highest suicide rate of any mental illness--25%. "Is this a blessing? Or is it a curse?
Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?
Will it go on forever? Is it over tonight?
Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
Is it richer than diamonds? Or just a little cheaper than spit?"--Jim Steinham
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glory
Posts: 3368
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Sasamel please go to the address below so I may be frank with you. Keep in mind that this is optional for you as this discussion is open and not always what you want to hear. Go to the end of the discussion. http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-support-forums/
lounge/79674-opinions/limitstart/550 Post edited by: morningglory/oldglory, at: 06/03/2008 13:30
"We Know We Are Out Of Step When"
We cannot walk a straight line.
We've stepped on our brother's foot.
We forget to be thankful.
We feel alone.
We think our dance is the only dance there is.
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WARHORSE
Posts: 681
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Sasamel: I saw from a post of yours on the bottom of page 1 that he IS taking meds? If so, it sounds like either he's NOT taking them or they are not the right ones and he needs a med change. Most of the behavior you are describing is common in manic episodes. You say he was "on top of the world" when you first met him? How high? "Is this a blessing? Or is it a curse?
Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?
Will it go on forever? Is it over tonight?
Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
Is it richer than diamonds? Or just a little cheaper than spit?"--Jim Steinham
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