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06/02/2008 10:25 AM

sexual promiscuity and bi-polar

sasamel
Posts: 20
Member

Is cheating or being sexually promiscuous a common aspect of bipolar individuals? I read a couple posts of people saying it was an issue. Is it more common in men or woman? does it depend on the individual? my bf who is bipolar says he would never but he takes drives because he feels clausterphobic sometimes. I've wondered bc he's done some shady things, but should I believe him? he hasn't touched me in a sexual way for over a month, is that normal?
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06/02/2008 10:52 AM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

Sasamel: Being promiscuous is more common in BPs when they are manic. But not all do. It is a very individualized thing. Can't say if it's more common in men or women--I think it's an equal opportunity event.

I would believe him until you had proof otherwise. Even "normal" couples go thru their ups and downs sexually and emotionally.


06/02/2008 11:09 AM
morningglory/oldglory
glory  
Posts: 3668
VIP Member

Sasamel, Warhorse is right on. It is totally an individual thing. I am bipolar and at 58 I have never cheated. I've been married twice and never have I given it a thought, but that's me. I have read on this site that it is a problem with some of us though. To me it's a matter of personal morals. That's not saying that I am the queen of all that is good and holy, just saying that's me. I want you to know that promiscuous behavior is not just a bipolar trait. My first husband, after 20 years, cheated on me....He was considered, normal.

06/02/2008 11:19 AM
sasamel
Posts: 20
Member

thank you. i know it's an individual choice, but it just scares me sometimes, because everyday there seems to be something new with him. At first he was utterly devoted, then bam he's back on pot, then bam he's addicted to energy drinks then bam he gets clean. He's good for a little, but then bam again he's on drugs, he's calling other woman (but it's not sexual according to him), and he's back on evergy drinks. I've tried to talk to him about his addictions and he says he will ge help, but in the end he doesn't. He honestly doesn't think it's his biploar that's an issue, that he can get better on his own and was good for a year when he was completly off meds.. I've tried talking to him about it, and urging him to talk to a counselor but he says he needs to do it on his own time(which means he won't). i can handle these issues, they hurt, but I can handle them, but I couldn't handle if he cheated on me. So i guess just reading those posts scared me bc there have been times i've thought he has.

06/02/2008 11:29 AM
countrymouse
countrymouse  
Posts: 5693
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hi...i'm a bipolar 1 female and prior to diagnosis, promiscuity was a big problem for me. i never saw it as an issue, but now it's embarassing to think about. i used to 'hunt' for disposable partners and had few boundries and little remorse.

after i was diagnosed and things started to get better for me. i was able to have some of the things i dreamed of. i fell in love...probably for the first time and i am faithful, and honest...for more then 2yrs and i am happier this way.

try not to sweat his alone time, and trust in him until he gives reason for you not to.

best luck and hang in there Smile


06/02/2008 11:30 AM
norma
normaPosts: 10109
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I'm an Advocate

Dear Sasamel, everyone has expectations in relationships. What are your expectations? What are his expectations? Why not sit down and discuss exactly you expect from a relationship with your boyfriend. Assuming in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that someone is supposed to be faithful may be the issue. He might have other ideas about what are the parameters of your degree of committment. Have an open non-judgmental discussion whose main theme is where is this relationship going? If the committment is superficial on his part or on yours then he has every right to call other people. And of course, you should be able to develop relationships with others as well. Your concept of what kind of committment is expected may be different from his.

06/02/2008 12:02 PM
sasamel
Posts: 20
Member

Norma I know exactly what you mean. We have discussed what we both want in an relationship, and we both want the same thing, equal partners, trust, faithfulness, and dependability. That's what scares me so much. He says what he means, but I don't know if he means what he says. And bottom line he doesn't want to discuss it.

06/02/2008 12:20 PM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

Sasamel: Whoa, nelly...slow those ponies down... He's currently NOT on meds? And does those energy drinks? Perfect recipe for mania.

And you guys aren't married yet? How long have you known him?

Post edited by: WARHORSE, at: 06/02/2008 12:21


06/02/2008 12:39 PM
sasamel
Posts: 20
Member

Warhourse, i've known him for about 1-1/2 yrs. When I met him he wasn't on meds. He was confident and caring. He says he never felt better then when he was off meds. But he was also off drugs too. He got through the drugs by drinking and energy drinks. He doesn't drink, but he still does the energy drinks. (And I don't know if it is an addiction, but he can't go a day without going to a gas station. Can you be addicted to gas stations?) He know what energy drinks do to him mentally and physically (he gets angrier and looses weight) but like i said it's an addiction. He won't stop. Right now he is on meds, but he honestly doesn't think he needs them, if I don't remind him he forgets. He kind of blames me bc he was fine for that year, and then on top of the world for the first 3 months when he met me, but later he fell back into his old patterns. He was diagnosed at 18 he's 28 now, how can he honestly see that if these problems were there almost 10 years before he met me that I didn't make him sick? but that's just another can of worms. Can a bp person be better off without meds? I know the answer, but why does he think he can be?

06/02/2008 12:39 PM
rediscoveringme
rediscoveringme  
Posts: 663
Senior Member

Me at one point I was worse then a rabbit but only kept with one person. I figured it was safer that way. Too much of an emotional person.

I get in moods where I am on the down swings. Alot of swings sometimes within a day. Staying off meds isn't the best. I guess from personal experience I have noticed that when I am in mania stages the last thing on my mind is "alone time" with my husband. I just keep having racing htoughts. Could be the same for him.

Have you expressed your concern on not having this time with him?

The only way things can change is if both people want that. He has to want to take care of himself. Unfortunately sometimes people unwillingly become self absorbed in their mania. Things seem normal to them that others wouldn't see as normal. Then there is denial etc. He seems to be clouded within himself to a point. Those energy drinks only feed the mania. Be supportive and give it time. When you think he is thinking more clearly that's when you should really have a talk with him. Believe me it will get better it just takes time.

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