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Hello astrida...glad you are here. You are a rare bird to even admit and acknowledge that you are borderline. Meds are typically very affective for bipolar and the hypomania, but the best thing you can do for the extremes of borderline (as mentioned above) is find the right therapist that specializes in borderline disorder. How do I know? I was married to a borderline for 18 years who would not seek help nor acknowledge her disorder so I understand how others can be affected due to nothing intentional on your part. I survived two episodes of her trying to kill us both with a car and one episode where she went for a gun so I do understand the extremes, but you can manage it. You probably know this, but for most borderlines it's all about "abandonment". Borderlines find someone that is attracted to them and then typically work so hard to keep from being abandoned that they display the characteristics you described which drives their loved one away which is just the opposite of what you want and need. A good therapist can help equip you to manage that and help build what you need. Many borderlines typically abandon and give up on themselves long before anyone else does, but don't realize where it started and the cycle has to be interrupted so the borderline stays in a state of non self-abandonment. I don't know if this applies to you so please don't be offended if I'm wrong and forgive me if I am, but many borderlines have a tendancy to fall in love and at first their sig other walks on water and can do no wrong, but shortly they turn into the devil incarnate and can do no right and become the borderlines perceived object of disdain for fear of abandonment. It kind of goes along the old saying of "Keep your hound dogs hungry and they will always come back". Unfortunately, that doesn't work very long with humans and the human hound dog will eventually abandon. A good therapist that knows what to do redirects and diffuses those feelings in the session so the borderline doesn't carry or project them onto their loved ones. There is obviously some real feelings between you and this guy or he wouldn't keep coming back so do what you need to do in order to not push him away by holding on too tightly which will then allow him to feel free to love you voluntarily and not feel trapped or obligated. A good therapist will help you to healthily "want" him and not "own" him for fear of him leaving. Just my .02 and you're definitely not alone and are in the right place, but you may also want to join a BPD website and really get some coping help from peers along with what you get here. Keep coming back. Post edited by: lobo, at: 05/25/2008 21:00 "A man is not defeated when he loses, he is defeated when he quits" Richard M. Nixon
"If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on earth" Abraham Lincoln
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